Textuality [MYUNGYEOL, long drabble]
Textuality
MyungYeol, slight!YaDong; pg-13; comedy, texting
special credit; to obludnica who had pointed out that I should do a fic where they just text each other. So I gave it a try, and it didn't go as bad as I thought.
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“Are you sleeping?”
There’s the sound of a baby giggling, then silence.
The silence is replaced by the rustling of the sheets. Then a groan.
It’s too dark.
“Dude. Did you just seriously send me a message although we’re in the same room, meters away?”
“Yes but I want to talk to you.”
There’s another sound of a baby giggling.
“Did you forget how to talk because you’re growing even stupider?”
“I can’t, because Hyung probably didn’t fall asleep yet. And he always a closes the blinds. It’s like complete darkness in here.”
A baby giggling.
Another shifting between the sheets.
“He’s soundly asleep, I assure you.”
“Just because his eyes are closed and his mouth is opened doesn’t mean he’s asleep.” Accompanied by the sound of a child giggling seconds later.
“Christ, shut that thing down!” comes an annoyed voice from beneath, and the bed shakes terribly.
“Sorry,” another voice peeps back. Someone pops the volume down on his Smartphone.
“See?”
“What do you want to talk about that can’t involve Hyung, anyway?”
“I don’t know. We always go to sleep early because he’s eternally tired, and we never get to talk anymore.”
“talk about what????”
“About anything!!!!”
“I can’t deal with you at one am. You’re going to drive me to a mental break-down, I can just feel it.”
“Dongwoo Hyung told me in secret that he and Hoya had sex and ruined their relationship, and I tried really hard to keep it a secret, but I just need to let it out.”
“THEY DID WHAT?!”
Another mumbled “sorry,” right afterwards.
Someone clears their throat.
Silence fills the darkness again.
“It’s supposed to be a secret, idiot!”
“I don’t know what is worst. You telling me what Dongwoo told you in secret, or the fact that you didn’t tell me this the moment you heard it.”
“Okay, I can go to sleep now.”
After that comes a content sigh.
There’s a snicker before a new message appears on the screen of the Smartphone.
“Oh NO you don’t. You’re going to give me all the juicy details. And I bet they’re super juicy. With cream on top. And dinosaur sex toys.”
“About Hoya’s sex habits? You disappoint me.”
“If you won’t tell me now, I’ll rat out to Sungjong you have some seriously juicy information and he will bug the living daylights out of you until you’ll commit suicide.”
“The only one who can bug the living daylights out of me is you.”
“TELL ME! TELL ME GOD DAMN IT!!!1”
“Well, what’s there to tell?? I already told you! And don’t you dare spreading this to Sungjong, because then the whole world will know.”
“Why don’t you start with HOW he told you about it? I can’t exactly picture him sipping from his tea and telling you ‘oh, by the way, I had sex with hoya yesterday, just in case you want to drive your best friend up the walls, you can always tell him that.’”
“It wasn’t like that. It came up while we were talking about our mutual problems.”
“What mutual problems?”
“Some problems. Why does it matter,”
“What, the fact that the both of you may be retarded?”
“If we were talking about that, we would’ve definitely invited you to the conversation, seeing that you got it worse.”
“OKAY FINE DON’T SHARE. I’M JUST YOUR BEST FRIEND. NO NEED TO SHARE ANYTHING WITH ME.”
“You’re just so childish! You should respect the fact that I have my own share of secrets.”
“I share everything with you! EVEN MY SUPER SECRET CHOCOLATE STASH!”
“Yes, well, your secret stash is peeking out of your closet, and the only reason the managers hadn’t emptied it yet is because they seriously pity you since you lost a lot of weight.”
“Well, I do deserve to be pitied! I even got rid of my tummy. I had a cute tummy. You liked my tummy too. Remember how soft it was. Now it’s all hard in that region. God bless its soul. Rest in peace, tummy. I shall always remember you.”
“I’m going to pretend it’s the late hour…”
“You’re the worst best friend ever. You can’t even reminisce on my lost tummy with me, can you? Not to mention even giving me at least some information about the fact that HOYA AND DONGWOO HAD SEX.”
There’s an annoyed click of a tongue.
“Fine, since you’re going to be in my face for it forever, what is exactly that you want to know?”
“EVERYTHING.”
A loud sigh. “We were sitting in the living-room, right after inkigayo, you were all already asleep, and since I was telling him about my trouble, he also shared his own trouble. And that’s it.”
“Well, what did he said then? (and I’m not forgetting about the fact that you’re still unwilling to share your trouble with me, but right now I’m more interested in Dongwoo than in you being a dick)”
“He said that after it happened they became really awkward, and although they sleep in the same room, they just tried to communicate as little as possible when alone, and then when he decided to talk about it with Hoya, he kind of blew him off and looked uncomfortable.”
“Poor Hyung. I can’t believe this. I never noticed anything strange between them, though.”
“They were kind of strange as of late, but you’re really thick and stupid, so nobody expects you to notice things.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“How did he describe it, then?”
“Describe what?”
“Having sex with Hoya.”
“Why are you interested in that? Are you planning to have sex with Hoya too?”
There’s a different click of tongue, somebody shifts in his bed.
“I want to know how he described it, how is that an indication that I want to have sex with Hoya?”
“Well, I don’t know. He didn’t actually describe. He sort of just landed it on me.”
“Just like you did on me a few minutes ago, yes.”
“Well, anyway, I still asked him how it was after he was done getting it off his chest.”
“And?”
“And he said that it was way better than how he expected it to be.”
There’s a slight snort. “He was also having that breathy stutter that he does when he’s excited, accompanied by laughing.”
There’s a different snort in another side of the room. “I love it when he does that, his eyes are always glowing and he looks happy.”
“Yeah,”
“So he likes Hoya?”
“I don’t know. I guess.”
“You guess? They had sex and he was acting all dreamy about it and sad because it didn’t work out!”
“People can have sex without feelings. And he explained to me that he just wants them to stop being uncomfortable next to each other, because they were really good as friends and he doesn’t want to lose that.”
“People can’t just have sex. They need to be at least attracted to each other for that.”
“Yeah, well, attraction doesn’t have to be because of feelings. You can get swept by the moment, and just be plainly horny.”
“NO.”
“Yes.”
There’s a long pause, for about a whole minute, although there’s the soft tone of furious tapping that easily melds with the silence.
“Just because you’re a dick that lacks quite a few human emotions doesn’t mean that other people are like that. You can’t get swept by the moment with a person you don’t like, and you can’t just be horny and have sex with the first person you see, because that’s immoral and you also have to think about the other person’s feelings and tons of other things like consequences and what happens after that. What if Dongwoo was a girl? He could’ve gotten pregnant or something! And besides that, I can only assume that it didn’t work out because they didn’t expect it to happen exactly like that. I know that Hoya adores Dongwoo, but not to that extent and I always thought they have this careful, nice friendship, and I think that if they do figure out their differences they may get together. Although that’s a bit disgusting, because that’s like hearing your brothers got together or something, but hey, I’m all in for free love and all that shit and I don’t really mind.”
“Free love? Are you really that naïve?”
“You are just so pissing me off with your stupid pessimism right now. If you weren’t on top of hyung’s bed, I’d punch you real bad.”
“Well, then I’m in awe about how optimistic you are! We’re men. Have you never actually just wanted to have sex with someone, consequences aside?”
“Yes, but I would never do that, because that’s immoral!”
“Immoral my ass. Men have needs. And if it’s mutual and both sides want it, then why the hell not.”
“Let’s say for example, if you wanted sex right now (with a human being, of course, I know it’s impossible because you’re only sexually interested in your cameras, or lens, or whatever) and I was horny right now too because I was lacking my… special time in the bath - would actually consider doing this with me?”
Because there’s a long pause, there’s a snap, and a quick shuffle of sheets.
“I can’t believe you. Are you actually considering this? Even though we’re best friends?”
“It’s not like that. It’s different.”
“How is it different? I am never going to speak with you ever again. I always knew you’re a bit of a sociopath, but you just turned out to be a full-time asshole who doesn’t give a damn about anybody’s feelings on top of it. Goodnight.”
“I seriously don’t understand why you’re reacting this way.”
“Why am I reacting this way?!!! Because you can’t just have sex with your best friend. Don’t you think it’ll ruin our friendship completely? After all we’ve been through?”
“That’s why I’m saying it’s different.”
“How is it different?!!! Do you want us to become like Dongwoo and Hoya and never speak to each other again?”
“Because we’re not like Hoya and Dongwoo.”
“Yeah? Why don’t you come down and have sex with me right now. Come on, since I know you’re horny.”
“Sungyeol,”
“I am so hot for you, baby. Like seriously.”
“You’re such a dork.”
Somebody throws a pillow across the room, it lands square on Myungsoo’s face.
“Are you two texting each other?” A voice booms. “Turn off the light of your Smartphone now before you head to sleep in the living room!”
“Gladly, I can’t stand to sleep with someone who sexually wants me all the time!”
Sunggyu sounds irritated; “What?”
“Sungyeol is just making a fuss out of everything again, Hyung.”
“Oh my god, you always rub your nape when you’re horny, do you want me now too? Are you thinking of doing it with me now too?”
“Okay~ you better take that conversation back to your phone…”
“You know what? Yes, I do want to do it with you, but stop assuming things out of the blue and getting all hyped up about them!”
There’s a set of footsteps, and somebody opens the door.
Light finally gets spilled into the room, although it’s a pale light.
Somebody sticks his head in; “Do carry on. I just didn’t want to miss out a seriously interesting conversation.”
“Woohyun, please go back to your room.”
“Yeah, Woohyun, you might get assaulted here, because there’s a MAN here who has NEEDS. And he can unleash them on just about whomever.”
“What exactly were you two texting about, for god’s sake?”
Myungsoo throws his hands up in exasperation, before turning to the wall and covering himself up.
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“I can’t believe they’re making us ride in a car all the way to Daejeon, that’s like almost 4 hours ride. For 15 minutes of performance. Could’ve hired a small plane or a helicopter or something.”
The car ride is quiet, there’s only the quiet zoom of the traffic beyond their windows.
“I can’t believe they put us in a separate cars! How the hell am I supposed to entertain myself?”
“Well, I’m going to sleep.”
“Don’t!”
“Please!”
“Woohyun went to sleep and Sunggyu has listed all his pains and medications already, although I know them by heart!”
“Lol.”
“What’s Sungjongie doing?”
“Sleeping. I should probably sleep too.”
“No!”
“Go to sleep too.”
“You know I can’t. We woke up like an hour ago. I’m too awake. You must stay awake with me!”
“Okay. Fine.”
“well.”
“well.”
“Let’s analyze why you’re such an ass. That’s always fun.”
“You do that.”
“You’re a jerk because:
A. You have the emotional spectrum of a wasp.
B. You probably have something stuck very high up your ass.
C. You might have fallen down a chair as a child and it made you retarded
D. A recent development: you think with your dick.”
“Wow, you come up with new reasons all the time. I’m just in awe.”
“I know I’m great like that. I should be a professional analyzer.”
“I don’t think that’s a job.”
“Nobody asked you whether it’s a job or not.”
There’s no reply for a long moment.
“Are you raping Sungjongie? Because he’s available and sleeping and you’re horny? Because it just happens?”
“When will you let go of that already? I thought we made up.”
“We never fought. We disagreed.”
“Okay. Whatever. Just forget about it.”
“It is physically impossible for me to just forget something. It imprinted into my brain, and unless you suggest drug use or hypnosis, the chances of me forgetting it are slim.”
“Great,”
“So, let’s deeper analyze aspect B. How long do you think you had a stick up your ass? Somewhere from around high-school probably?”
“Go bug Sunggyu will you. My eyes are slipping closed.”
“I’m already a walking medical dictionary, there’s no need to add more to my knowledge, thank you.”
“Hey!”
“Myungsoo~”
“Omg, if you fell asleep I’ll kill you and scatter your remains around Daejeon so that your family will never find you.”
“I think Hoya and Dongwoo made up.”
“Seriously?”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because Dongwoo fell asleep on his shoulder, and Hoya wrapped a hand around him.”
“Excuse me for being emotional, but this is seriously the best love story ever.”
“A few days ago you were crying that ‘A Werewolf Boy’ is the best love story ever.”
“FIRST OF ALL, I wasn’t crying.”
“You were, you hid your face in the pillow after we finished watching it and then Sunggyu tried to cheer you up and tell you that it’s fictional and none of it is real.”
“Still doesn’t mean I cried. And this is a better love story, because I know the both of them and I think they’re suitable. And they’re my Hyungs. And I love them. And it’s great that they love each other too.”
“Exactly how they’re suitable? They’re pretty different, you know.”
“They are not. They both like to dance and to rap.”
“Wow, that just shows how dumb you are, just because they’re both are our best dancers and rappers doesn’t mean they’re alike. Dongwoo has his head up in the clouds, while Hoya is a strong down-to-earth realist.”
“Well, then opposites attract.”
“You have the mentality of seven year old.”
“Yay! Yesterday I was five years old according to you! I grew up two years at once!”
“I’m going to sleep.”
“No! I demand entertainment!”
“What kind of entertainment do you want? You can just keep insulting me, and when I’ll wake up I’ll read it, I promise.”
“No, it’s not fun if you don’t get annoyed.”
“Then what? Do you want me to send you my naked pictures?”
“You have your naked pictures on your phone? Waiting for the opportunity of somebody actually taking interest in you so that you could unleash your sexual frustration on them?”
“No, I just said that to keep you entertained, because that’s what you wanted and will you let.go.of.it.”
“I am so raiding your phone for your naked pictures.”
“No you don’t because you’ll respect my privacy.”
“We don’t have any privacy between us. We’re like one person divided into two parts. You’re the ugly dark side, while I’m the bright beautiful one.”
There’s a minute long pause, although the other participant is typing, the message received is pretty small. “Sometimes I want to quote you to our fans. I bet they’ll piss their pants when they hear that.”
“They’ll just think you’re having a crush at me, like they already do, so it’s no biggie.”
“Yes, well, they’re really perceptive, so…”
“Stop using big words on me, you know I hate that.”
“Perceptive is a big word? I don’t understand how you graduated school.”
“My umma came and yelled at my teachers that they’re the ones who are wrong in how they are educating me.”
“When somebody looks up the meaning of the phrase ‘Mama’s boy’ your picture comes up.”
“Oh please, at least my mom educated me better than to think with my dick.”
“I am never going to hear the end of this, am I?”
“You started it.”
“I’m going to sleep.”
“No!”
“Omg, I’m going to rat out to your fans that your shower-fun-time lasts for three minutes!”
“That’s how bad you are at bed in case you’re wondering! REALLY BAD!”
“Myungie~ come back... Sunggyu looks like he wants to start a conversation…”
“Come on, man, I think I can write a book about ginseng!”
“I hate you!”
“Asshole!”
.
“Wow, I really like porn.”
Myungsoo lifts his head and looks right and left, to check if there’s nobody close enough to see the text he just got.
“I’m in a recording right now, and this is seriously the most distracting thing someone had ever written in a text to me.”
“Like seriously, that stuff is educational. It teaches people about values. You should watch more porn.”
“What part of it exactly is educational?”
“It teaches you that people can’t just have sex. They need to like each other before that.”
“What kind of porn are you watching, again?”
“Just regular porn. And it has tons of values in it. They were waiting for each other all this time, although they screwed around with other people, and when they finally did get together, they had the best sex, better than any sex they had with anybody before.”
“Are you watching that animated Japanese shit again?”
“That’s the only porn that has plot in it! I like my porn with plot!”
“I sometimes think you’re Woohyun trolling me, but then I remember it’s not because I gullible. It’s because you’re retarded, and it’s easy to pretend retarded.”
“I’m trying to share something with you! You’re the worst best friend ever!”
“You’re sharing with me that you like porn? You do know you spilled that secret out in national tv?”
“Just because you don’t want to share anything with me, which by the way seriously hurt my feelings in case you were wondering, doesn’t mean I also don’t want to share with you. But it’s okay. I understand. You’re trying to drift apart from me.”
“Don’t give me that,”
“No, it’s fine. Soon you won’t even want to stand next to me in a performance. I understand.”
“You know that would never happen, so stop making a scene.”
“I’m not making a scene! I’m texting you! We’re miles away! If I wanted to make a scene I’d go all the way over where you are and thrown pots at you! Pots that you deserve getting hit by!”
“(இдஇ; )”
“You’re making a scene by texting, which, before I met you, I never thought possible. And don’t send me tearful emoticons - that’s annoying.”
“You know what! Fine! If you don’t want us to be friends anymore we’re through!”
“Why do you keep assuming things on your own? When had I ever said that?”
“You didn’t said that, but I felt it in through your attitude towards me!”
Myungsoo chuckles. “What attitude?!”
“This attitude! It feels like you’re yelling at me all the time!”
“I never yell at you!”
“You do now!”
“WE’RE TEXTING!”
“You even put on caps lock… I guess I’ll just try to fit myself in between Woohyun and Sungjong. But they don’t like me that much like you did when we were friends, but that’s okay, I guess I’ll have to be strong and try to overcome it.”
“Okay, I’m trying to learn my script, so please stop being impossible. And stop talking about our friendship in past tense.”
“Fine. I won’t get in the way of your work, just for the sake of our friendship.”
“Thank you.”
He goes back to his script.
He gets another message before he can read a whole sentence.
“So…”
“So what?”
“So, share something with me and all. For the sake of our friendship.”
“Wow, was this a scheme to get me spill what I said to Dongwoo the other day?”
“NO!”
“YES!”
“I DON’T KNOW!”
“You must be really bored in the dorms. Don’t the managers have something to do with you?”
“Me and Woohyun decided to do a naked nap in the living-room, and Sungjongie didn’t want to join us.”
“A what nap? I think you got auto-corrected.”
“I didn’t, we had a naked nap, because the AC is broken or something. This new dorm really sucks.”
“You had a naked nap with Woohyun?” he stares in disbelief at his phone.
“Yes, we stripped and lazed around on the carpet in the living-room, and then we decided to watch porn together, and we ended up watching that movie I told you about! It was brilliant! We should do that too sometimes.”
“I don’t understand why naked.”
“Why not? I think Woohyun needs to eat more, though. His butt kinda became smaller since I last noticed it.”
“Wow.”
“Anyway, your butt never gets small, your butt is fat, so I’m good.”
“My butt is not fat.”
“Have you tried slapping it?”
“Have you tried slapping it?” Myungsoo isn’t sure why he’s so horrified, and looks around again, to make sure no one catches his face.
“I always slap it. Usually. Well, sometimes I slap it. And it creates a nice echo around the room when I do.”
“This conversation is on the wrong side of wrong.”
“It can’t be on the wrong side of wrong, because then it’d be right. You just made an idiot out of yourself, congratulations.”
“So, what, you mark everybody’s butts and mine wins?”
“Yes.”
“Well not if you put it like that! I just happened to notice who’s butt is better, so I made a list, and you’re on top. See? It’s a special spot because you’re also my best friend.”
“Okay, I’m never going to focus on the script now.”
“Good. It’s time for you to tell me your secret.”
“I am not telling you anything. Go to sleep. Or whatever it is you’re doing with Woohyun.”
“NO, TELL ME!”
“I’m not going to tell you!”
“Please! for the sake of our friendship!”
“I’m not going to tell you for the sake of our friendship.”
“Oh, so it’s something really bad.”
A long pause.
“It’s not bad,”
“then what is it.”
“It’s just not something that I think you’re ready to hear, and I know you might take it wrong. I told it to Dongwoo because I know he’ll never judge and he’ll be able to give me an unbiased opinion. Satisfied?”
“Is this because you think I’m judgmental? I’m not really judgmental. Maybe just a tiny bit. But we’re best friends! Who else is supposed to judge you unless it’s your best friend? I was born for this!”
“So, did you and Woohyun also have alcohol in your naked slumber-party?”
“We just drank a little bit of beer! Christ, both you and Sungjong always make a fuss out of nothing.”
“Well, that explains a lot.”
.
Sungyeol walks into his dorm room after a long practice and notices a smart-phone on the black silky sheets of the bed besides his own.
“Myungsoo, you forgot your Smartphone at home,”
“Oh wait, that was seriously stupid of me.”
He picks the thing up. It has two new messages from him.
“Hey, I can pretend I’m Myungsoo.”
“Wow, this is exciting.”
“I like to sniff dirty panties!”
“I like to wear socks with holes because that shit turns me on.”
“Lee Sungyeol is my god!”
“Lee Sungyeol is the best!”
“I have a secret crush on Lee Sungyeol and would so like to get into his pants, omg! That’s why I act like a complete asshole all the time to draw his attention because I have wild fantasies about him spanking me!”
“I love you Lee Sungyeol! I want to have your man-babies and change their diapers!”
.
“I don’t know why you keep insisting showing everybody this screenshot when it’s obvious you wrote it.”
“Your phone wrote it, it counts.”
“You’re so immature grow up.”
“Most of it is true anyway, you know that, you’ll just never admit it because of your ego, so stop making a fuss.”
“All of it is true.”
“NONE OF IT IS TRUE BECAUSE I STILL DON’T KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS!”
“Okay, fine. I’m done.”
“Done with what.”
“You’re seriously thick and extremely dimwitted. So I’m done.”
“You can’t just insult me without telling me why.”
“You do it all the time.”
“Yes, but you know the reason; I do it because you’re an asshole. It’s my duty.”
“Alright.”
“So. Gonna tell me your secret now?”
“Sungyeol, the secret is glaring obvious, you’re probably the only one who didn’t noticed it yet.”
“OH MY GOD IT’S YOU WHO STOLE MY MOM’S COOKIES!”
“Yes. That’s exactly what the secret is about. I stole your mom’s cookies.”
“YOU WILL NEVER BE PARDONED FOR SUCH ACTS.”
“Don’t worry, I’m getting punished enough as it is.”
“I WILL WET YOUR BED AT NIGHT AND EVERYBODY WILL LAUGH AT YOU.”
“That’s going to be the least of my worries.”
“I’LL WRITE ON YOUR FACE WITH A PERMANENT MARKER!”
“Don’t worry, my face is obvious enough whenever it comes to you.”
“I WILL USE YOUR CAMERAS AS FLOWER POTS! I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!”
“You’ll have to start with destroying yourself then.”
“AND WHEN I’M DONE, I’LL TAKE AWAY YOUR FOOD BECAUSE THAT’S THE CRUELEST THING I CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW!”
“AND YOUR COFFE! AND YOUR UDON!”
“wait a minute,”
“Are you done?”
“Are you trying to confess to me?”
“What.”
“Lamest confession ever. Could’ve at least said it to my face. ”
“I’m uninstalling kakaotalk from my phone. Seriously.”
“Well, this is your fault because now I can’t reply you properly.”
“Jerk.”
“Just shut up.”
“Worst best friend ever.”
***
Heh, I'm trying out a new style, so I'm yet uncertain in it's aspects.
I hope it was understandable!
THANK YOU EVERYBODY ON TUMBLR!
YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MAKE ME BETTER ;~;
Have a precious Dongwoo!
MyungYeol, slight!YaDong; pg-13; comedy, texting
special credit; to obludnica who had pointed out that I should do a fic where they just text each other. So I gave it a try, and it didn't go as bad as I thought.
.
.
“Are you sleeping?”
There’s the sound of a baby giggling, then silence.
The silence is replaced by the rustling of the sheets. Then a groan.
It’s too dark.
“Dude. Did you just seriously send me a message although we’re in the same room, meters away?”
“Yes but I want to talk to you.”
There’s another sound of a baby giggling.
“Did you forget how to talk because you’re growing even stupider?”
“I can’t, because Hyung probably didn’t fall asleep yet. And he always a closes the blinds. It’s like complete darkness in here.”
A baby giggling.
Another shifting between the sheets.
“He’s soundly asleep, I assure you.”
“Just because his eyes are closed and his mouth is opened doesn’t mean he’s asleep.” Accompanied by the sound of a child giggling seconds later.
“Christ, shut that thing down!” comes an annoyed voice from beneath, and the bed shakes terribly.
“Sorry,” another voice peeps back. Someone pops the volume down on his Smartphone.
“See?”
“What do you want to talk about that can’t involve Hyung, anyway?”
“I don’t know. We always go to sleep early because he’s eternally tired, and we never get to talk anymore.”
“talk about what????”
“About anything!!!!”
“I can’t deal with you at one am. You’re going to drive me to a mental break-down, I can just feel it.”
“Dongwoo Hyung told me in secret that he and Hoya had sex and ruined their relationship, and I tried really hard to keep it a secret, but I just need to let it out.”
“THEY DID WHAT?!”
Another mumbled “sorry,” right afterwards.
Someone clears their throat.
Silence fills the darkness again.
“It’s supposed to be a secret, idiot!”
“I don’t know what is worst. You telling me what Dongwoo told you in secret, or the fact that you didn’t tell me this the moment you heard it.”
“Okay, I can go to sleep now.”
After that comes a content sigh.
There’s a snicker before a new message appears on the screen of the Smartphone.
“Oh NO you don’t. You’re going to give me all the juicy details. And I bet they’re super juicy. With cream on top. And dinosaur sex toys.”
“About Hoya’s sex habits? You disappoint me.”
“If you won’t tell me now, I’ll rat out to Sungjong you have some seriously juicy information and he will bug the living daylights out of you until you’ll commit suicide.”
“The only one who can bug the living daylights out of me is you.”
“TELL ME! TELL ME GOD DAMN IT!!!1”
“Well, what’s there to tell?? I already told you! And don’t you dare spreading this to Sungjong, because then the whole world will know.”
“Why don’t you start with HOW he told you about it? I can’t exactly picture him sipping from his tea and telling you ‘oh, by the way, I had sex with hoya yesterday, just in case you want to drive your best friend up the walls, you can always tell him that.’”
“It wasn’t like that. It came up while we were talking about our mutual problems.”
“What mutual problems?”
“Some problems. Why does it matter,”
“What, the fact that the both of you may be retarded?”
“If we were talking about that, we would’ve definitely invited you to the conversation, seeing that you got it worse.”
“OKAY FINE DON’T SHARE. I’M JUST YOUR BEST FRIEND. NO NEED TO SHARE ANYTHING WITH ME.”
“You’re just so childish! You should respect the fact that I have my own share of secrets.”
“I share everything with you! EVEN MY SUPER SECRET CHOCOLATE STASH!”
“Yes, well, your secret stash is peeking out of your closet, and the only reason the managers hadn’t emptied it yet is because they seriously pity you since you lost a lot of weight.”
“Well, I do deserve to be pitied! I even got rid of my tummy. I had a cute tummy. You liked my tummy too. Remember how soft it was. Now it’s all hard in that region. God bless its soul. Rest in peace, tummy. I shall always remember you.”
“I’m going to pretend it’s the late hour…”
“You’re the worst best friend ever. You can’t even reminisce on my lost tummy with me, can you? Not to mention even giving me at least some information about the fact that HOYA AND DONGWOO HAD SEX.”
There’s an annoyed click of a tongue.
“Fine, since you’re going to be in my face for it forever, what is exactly that you want to know?”
“EVERYTHING.”
A loud sigh. “We were sitting in the living-room, right after inkigayo, you were all already asleep, and since I was telling him about my trouble, he also shared his own trouble. And that’s it.”
“Well, what did he said then? (and I’m not forgetting about the fact that you’re still unwilling to share your trouble with me, but right now I’m more interested in Dongwoo than in you being a dick)”
“He said that after it happened they became really awkward, and although they sleep in the same room, they just tried to communicate as little as possible when alone, and then when he decided to talk about it with Hoya, he kind of blew him off and looked uncomfortable.”
“Poor Hyung. I can’t believe this. I never noticed anything strange between them, though.”
“They were kind of strange as of late, but you’re really thick and stupid, so nobody expects you to notice things.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“How did he describe it, then?”
“Describe what?”
“Having sex with Hoya.”
“Why are you interested in that? Are you planning to have sex with Hoya too?”
There’s a different click of tongue, somebody shifts in his bed.
“I want to know how he described it, how is that an indication that I want to have sex with Hoya?”
“Well, I don’t know. He didn’t actually describe. He sort of just landed it on me.”
“Just like you did on me a few minutes ago, yes.”
“Well, anyway, I still asked him how it was after he was done getting it off his chest.”
“And?”
“And he said that it was way better than how he expected it to be.”
There’s a slight snort. “He was also having that breathy stutter that he does when he’s excited, accompanied by laughing.”
There’s a different snort in another side of the room. “I love it when he does that, his eyes are always glowing and he looks happy.”
“Yeah,”
“So he likes Hoya?”
“I don’t know. I guess.”
“You guess? They had sex and he was acting all dreamy about it and sad because it didn’t work out!”
“People can have sex without feelings. And he explained to me that he just wants them to stop being uncomfortable next to each other, because they were really good as friends and he doesn’t want to lose that.”
“People can’t just have sex. They need to be at least attracted to each other for that.”
“Yeah, well, attraction doesn’t have to be because of feelings. You can get swept by the moment, and just be plainly horny.”
“NO.”
“Yes.”
There’s a long pause, for about a whole minute, although there’s the soft tone of furious tapping that easily melds with the silence.
“Just because you’re a dick that lacks quite a few human emotions doesn’t mean that other people are like that. You can’t get swept by the moment with a person you don’t like, and you can’t just be horny and have sex with the first person you see, because that’s immoral and you also have to think about the other person’s feelings and tons of other things like consequences and what happens after that. What if Dongwoo was a girl? He could’ve gotten pregnant or something! And besides that, I can only assume that it didn’t work out because they didn’t expect it to happen exactly like that. I know that Hoya adores Dongwoo, but not to that extent and I always thought they have this careful, nice friendship, and I think that if they do figure out their differences they may get together. Although that’s a bit disgusting, because that’s like hearing your brothers got together or something, but hey, I’m all in for free love and all that shit and I don’t really mind.”
“Free love? Are you really that naïve?”
“You are just so pissing me off with your stupid pessimism right now. If you weren’t on top of hyung’s bed, I’d punch you real bad.”
“Well, then I’m in awe about how optimistic you are! We’re men. Have you never actually just wanted to have sex with someone, consequences aside?”
“Yes, but I would never do that, because that’s immoral!”
“Immoral my ass. Men have needs. And if it’s mutual and both sides want it, then why the hell not.”
“Let’s say for example, if you wanted sex right now (with a human being, of course, I know it’s impossible because you’re only sexually interested in your cameras, or lens, or whatever) and I was horny right now too because I was lacking my… special time in the bath - would actually consider doing this with me?”
Because there’s a long pause, there’s a snap, and a quick shuffle of sheets.
“I can’t believe you. Are you actually considering this? Even though we’re best friends?”
“It’s not like that. It’s different.”
“How is it different? I am never going to speak with you ever again. I always knew you’re a bit of a sociopath, but you just turned out to be a full-time asshole who doesn’t give a damn about anybody’s feelings on top of it. Goodnight.”
“I seriously don’t understand why you’re reacting this way.”
“Why am I reacting this way?!!! Because you can’t just have sex with your best friend. Don’t you think it’ll ruin our friendship completely? After all we’ve been through?”
“That’s why I’m saying it’s different.”
“How is it different?!!! Do you want us to become like Dongwoo and Hoya and never speak to each other again?”
“Because we’re not like Hoya and Dongwoo.”
“Yeah? Why don’t you come down and have sex with me right now. Come on, since I know you’re horny.”
“Sungyeol,”
“I am so hot for you, baby. Like seriously.”
“You’re such a dork.”
Somebody throws a pillow across the room, it lands square on Myungsoo’s face.
“Are you two texting each other?” A voice booms. “Turn off the light of your Smartphone now before you head to sleep in the living room!”
“Gladly, I can’t stand to sleep with someone who sexually wants me all the time!”
Sunggyu sounds irritated; “What?”
“Sungyeol is just making a fuss out of everything again, Hyung.”
“Oh my god, you always rub your nape when you’re horny, do you want me now too? Are you thinking of doing it with me now too?”
“Okay~ you better take that conversation back to your phone…”
“You know what? Yes, I do want to do it with you, but stop assuming things out of the blue and getting all hyped up about them!”
There’s a set of footsteps, and somebody opens the door.
Light finally gets spilled into the room, although it’s a pale light.
Somebody sticks his head in; “Do carry on. I just didn’t want to miss out a seriously interesting conversation.”
“Woohyun, please go back to your room.”
“Yeah, Woohyun, you might get assaulted here, because there’s a MAN here who has NEEDS. And he can unleash them on just about whomever.”
“What exactly were you two texting about, for god’s sake?”
Myungsoo throws his hands up in exasperation, before turning to the wall and covering himself up.
.
“I can’t believe they’re making us ride in a car all the way to Daejeon, that’s like almost 4 hours ride. For 15 minutes of performance. Could’ve hired a small plane or a helicopter or something.”
The car ride is quiet, there’s only the quiet zoom of the traffic beyond their windows.
“I can’t believe they put us in a separate cars! How the hell am I supposed to entertain myself?”
“Well, I’m going to sleep.”
“Don’t!”
“Please!”
“Woohyun went to sleep and Sunggyu has listed all his pains and medications already, although I know them by heart!”
“Lol.”
“What’s Sungjongie doing?”
“Sleeping. I should probably sleep too.”
“No!”
“Go to sleep too.”
“You know I can’t. We woke up like an hour ago. I’m too awake. You must stay awake with me!”
“Okay. Fine.”
“well.”
“well.”
“Let’s analyze why you’re such an ass. That’s always fun.”
“You do that.”
“You’re a jerk because:
A. You have the emotional spectrum of a wasp.
B. You probably have something stuck very high up your ass.
C. You might have fallen down a chair as a child and it made you retarded
D. A recent development: you think with your dick.”
“Wow, you come up with new reasons all the time. I’m just in awe.”
“I know I’m great like that. I should be a professional analyzer.”
“I don’t think that’s a job.”
“Nobody asked you whether it’s a job or not.”
There’s no reply for a long moment.
“Are you raping Sungjongie? Because he’s available and sleeping and you’re horny? Because it just happens?”
“When will you let go of that already? I thought we made up.”
“We never fought. We disagreed.”
“Okay. Whatever. Just forget about it.”
“It is physically impossible for me to just forget something. It imprinted into my brain, and unless you suggest drug use or hypnosis, the chances of me forgetting it are slim.”
“Great,”
“So, let’s deeper analyze aspect B. How long do you think you had a stick up your ass? Somewhere from around high-school probably?”
“Go bug Sunggyu will you. My eyes are slipping closed.”
“I’m already a walking medical dictionary, there’s no need to add more to my knowledge, thank you.”
“Hey!”
“Myungsoo~”
“Omg, if you fell asleep I’ll kill you and scatter your remains around Daejeon so that your family will never find you.”
“I think Hoya and Dongwoo made up.”
“Seriously?”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because Dongwoo fell asleep on his shoulder, and Hoya wrapped a hand around him.”
“Excuse me for being emotional, but this is seriously the best love story ever.”
“A few days ago you were crying that ‘A Werewolf Boy’ is the best love story ever.”
“FIRST OF ALL, I wasn’t crying.”
“You were, you hid your face in the pillow after we finished watching it and then Sunggyu tried to cheer you up and tell you that it’s fictional and none of it is real.”
“Still doesn’t mean I cried. And this is a better love story, because I know the both of them and I think they’re suitable. And they’re my Hyungs. And I love them. And it’s great that they love each other too.”
“Exactly how they’re suitable? They’re pretty different, you know.”
“They are not. They both like to dance and to rap.”
“Wow, that just shows how dumb you are, just because they’re both are our best dancers and rappers doesn’t mean they’re alike. Dongwoo has his head up in the clouds, while Hoya is a strong down-to-earth realist.”
“Well, then opposites attract.”
“You have the mentality of seven year old.”
“Yay! Yesterday I was five years old according to you! I grew up two years at once!”
“I’m going to sleep.”
“No! I demand entertainment!”
“What kind of entertainment do you want? You can just keep insulting me, and when I’ll wake up I’ll read it, I promise.”
“No, it’s not fun if you don’t get annoyed.”
“Then what? Do you want me to send you my naked pictures?”
“You have your naked pictures on your phone? Waiting for the opportunity of somebody actually taking interest in you so that you could unleash your sexual frustration on them?”
“No, I just said that to keep you entertained, because that’s what you wanted and will you let.go.of.it.”
“I am so raiding your phone for your naked pictures.”
“No you don’t because you’ll respect my privacy.”
“We don’t have any privacy between us. We’re like one person divided into two parts. You’re the ugly dark side, while I’m the bright beautiful one.”
There’s a minute long pause, although the other participant is typing, the message received is pretty small. “Sometimes I want to quote you to our fans. I bet they’ll piss their pants when they hear that.”
“They’ll just think you’re having a crush at me, like they already do, so it’s no biggie.”
“Yes, well, they’re really perceptive, so…”
“Stop using big words on me, you know I hate that.”
“Perceptive is a big word? I don’t understand how you graduated school.”
“My umma came and yelled at my teachers that they’re the ones who are wrong in how they are educating me.”
“When somebody looks up the meaning of the phrase ‘Mama’s boy’ your picture comes up.”
“Oh please, at least my mom educated me better than to think with my dick.”
“I am never going to hear the end of this, am I?”
“You started it.”
“I’m going to sleep.”
“No!”
“Omg, I’m going to rat out to your fans that your shower-fun-time lasts for three minutes!”
“That’s how bad you are at bed in case you’re wondering! REALLY BAD!”
“Myungie~ come back... Sunggyu looks like he wants to start a conversation…”
“Come on, man, I think I can write a book about ginseng!”
“I hate you!”
“Asshole!”
.
“Wow, I really like porn.”
Myungsoo lifts his head and looks right and left, to check if there’s nobody close enough to see the text he just got.
“I’m in a recording right now, and this is seriously the most distracting thing someone had ever written in a text to me.”
“Like seriously, that stuff is educational. It teaches people about values. You should watch more porn.”
“What part of it exactly is educational?”
“It teaches you that people can’t just have sex. They need to like each other before that.”
“What kind of porn are you watching, again?”
“Just regular porn. And it has tons of values in it. They were waiting for each other all this time, although they screwed around with other people, and when they finally did get together, they had the best sex, better than any sex they had with anybody before.”
“Are you watching that animated Japanese shit again?”
“That’s the only porn that has plot in it! I like my porn with plot!”
“I sometimes think you’re Woohyun trolling me, but then I remember it’s not because I gullible. It’s because you’re retarded, and it’s easy to pretend retarded.”
“I’m trying to share something with you! You’re the worst best friend ever!”
“You’re sharing with me that you like porn? You do know you spilled that secret out in national tv?”
“Just because you don’t want to share anything with me, which by the way seriously hurt my feelings in case you were wondering, doesn’t mean I also don’t want to share with you. But it’s okay. I understand. You’re trying to drift apart from me.”
“Don’t give me that,”
“No, it’s fine. Soon you won’t even want to stand next to me in a performance. I understand.”
“You know that would never happen, so stop making a scene.”
“I’m not making a scene! I’m texting you! We’re miles away! If I wanted to make a scene I’d go all the way over where you are and thrown pots at you! Pots that you deserve getting hit by!”
“(இдஇ; )”
“You’re making a scene by texting, which, before I met you, I never thought possible. And don’t send me tearful emoticons - that’s annoying.”
“You know what! Fine! If you don’t want us to be friends anymore we’re through!”
“Why do you keep assuming things on your own? When had I ever said that?”
“You didn’t said that, but I felt it in through your attitude towards me!”
Myungsoo chuckles. “What attitude?!”
“This attitude! It feels like you’re yelling at me all the time!”
“I never yell at you!”
“You do now!”
“WE’RE TEXTING!”
“You even put on caps lock… I guess I’ll just try to fit myself in between Woohyun and Sungjong. But they don’t like me that much like you did when we were friends, but that’s okay, I guess I’ll have to be strong and try to overcome it.”
“Okay, I’m trying to learn my script, so please stop being impossible. And stop talking about our friendship in past tense.”
“Fine. I won’t get in the way of your work, just for the sake of our friendship.”
“Thank you.”
He goes back to his script.
He gets another message before he can read a whole sentence.
“So…”
“So what?”
“So, share something with me and all. For the sake of our friendship.”
“Wow, was this a scheme to get me spill what I said to Dongwoo the other day?”
“NO!”
“YES!”
“I DON’T KNOW!”
“You must be really bored in the dorms. Don’t the managers have something to do with you?”
“Me and Woohyun decided to do a naked nap in the living-room, and Sungjongie didn’t want to join us.”
“A what nap? I think you got auto-corrected.”
“I didn’t, we had a naked nap, because the AC is broken or something. This new dorm really sucks.”
“You had a naked nap with Woohyun?” he stares in disbelief at his phone.
“Yes, we stripped and lazed around on the carpet in the living-room, and then we decided to watch porn together, and we ended up watching that movie I told you about! It was brilliant! We should do that too sometimes.”
“I don’t understand why naked.”
“Why not? I think Woohyun needs to eat more, though. His butt kinda became smaller since I last noticed it.”
“Wow.”
“Anyway, your butt never gets small, your butt is fat, so I’m good.”
“My butt is not fat.”
“Have you tried slapping it?”
“Have you tried slapping it?” Myungsoo isn’t sure why he’s so horrified, and looks around again, to make sure no one catches his face.
“I always slap it. Usually. Well, sometimes I slap it. And it creates a nice echo around the room when I do.”
“This conversation is on the wrong side of wrong.”
“It can’t be on the wrong side of wrong, because then it’d be right. You just made an idiot out of yourself, congratulations.”
“So, what, you mark everybody’s butts and mine wins?”
“Yes.”
“Well not if you put it like that! I just happened to notice who’s butt is better, so I made a list, and you’re on top. See? It’s a special spot because you’re also my best friend.”
“Okay, I’m never going to focus on the script now.”
“Good. It’s time for you to tell me your secret.”
“I am not telling you anything. Go to sleep. Or whatever it is you’re doing with Woohyun.”
“NO, TELL ME!”
“I’m not going to tell you!”
“Please! for the sake of our friendship!”
“I’m not going to tell you for the sake of our friendship.”
“Oh, so it’s something really bad.”
A long pause.
“It’s not bad,”
“then what is it.”
“It’s just not something that I think you’re ready to hear, and I know you might take it wrong. I told it to Dongwoo because I know he’ll never judge and he’ll be able to give me an unbiased opinion. Satisfied?”
“Is this because you think I’m judgmental? I’m not really judgmental. Maybe just a tiny bit. But we’re best friends! Who else is supposed to judge you unless it’s your best friend? I was born for this!”
“So, did you and Woohyun also have alcohol in your naked slumber-party?”
“We just drank a little bit of beer! Christ, both you and Sungjong always make a fuss out of nothing.”
“Well, that explains a lot.”
.
Sungyeol walks into his dorm room after a long practice and notices a smart-phone on the black silky sheets of the bed besides his own.
“Myungsoo, you forgot your Smartphone at home,”
“Oh wait, that was seriously stupid of me.”
He picks the thing up. It has two new messages from him.
“Hey, I can pretend I’m Myungsoo.”
“Wow, this is exciting.”
“I like to sniff dirty panties!”
“I like to wear socks with holes because that shit turns me on.”
“Lee Sungyeol is my god!”
“Lee Sungyeol is the best!”
“I have a secret crush on Lee Sungyeol and would so like to get into his pants, omg! That’s why I act like a complete asshole all the time to draw his attention because I have wild fantasies about him spanking me!”
“I love you Lee Sungyeol! I want to have your man-babies and change their diapers!”
.
“I don’t know why you keep insisting showing everybody this screenshot when it’s obvious you wrote it.”
“Your phone wrote it, it counts.”
“You’re so immature grow up.”
“Most of it is true anyway, you know that, you’ll just never admit it because of your ego, so stop making a fuss.”
“All of it is true.”
“NONE OF IT IS TRUE BECAUSE I STILL DON’T KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS!”
“Okay, fine. I’m done.”
“Done with what.”
“You’re seriously thick and extremely dimwitted. So I’m done.”
“You can’t just insult me without telling me why.”
“You do it all the time.”
“Yes, but you know the reason; I do it because you’re an asshole. It’s my duty.”
“Alright.”
“So. Gonna tell me your secret now?”
“Sungyeol, the secret is glaring obvious, you’re probably the only one who didn’t noticed it yet.”
“OH MY GOD IT’S YOU WHO STOLE MY MOM’S COOKIES!”
“Yes. That’s exactly what the secret is about. I stole your mom’s cookies.”
“YOU WILL NEVER BE PARDONED FOR SUCH ACTS.”
“Don’t worry, I’m getting punished enough as it is.”
“I WILL WET YOUR BED AT NIGHT AND EVERYBODY WILL LAUGH AT YOU.”
“That’s going to be the least of my worries.”
“I’LL WRITE ON YOUR FACE WITH A PERMANENT MARKER!”
“Don’t worry, my face is obvious enough whenever it comes to you.”
“I WILL USE YOUR CAMERAS AS FLOWER POTS! I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!”
“You’ll have to start with destroying yourself then.”
“AND WHEN I’M DONE, I’LL TAKE AWAY YOUR FOOD BECAUSE THAT’S THE CRUELEST THING I CAN THINK OF RIGHT NOW!”
“AND YOUR COFFE! AND YOUR UDON!”
“wait a minute,”
“Are you done?”
“Are you trying to confess to me?”
“What.”
“Lamest confession ever. Could’ve at least said it to my face. ”
“I’m uninstalling kakaotalk from my phone. Seriously.”
“Well, this is your fault because now I can’t reply you properly.”
“Jerk.”
“Just shut up.”
“Worst best friend ever.”
***
Heh, I'm trying out a new style, so I'm yet uncertain in it's aspects.
I hope it was understandable!
THANK YOU EVERYBODY ON TUMBLR!
YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MAKE ME BETTER ;~;
Have a precious Dongwoo!