Harder than you know
Title: Harder than you know
Pairing: kris/baekhyun
Rating: PG-13
Length: 4,358 words
Summary: Baekhyun could never be bold enough to say ‘I love you’.
Notes: This was written for artistalks, but i also don't know what happened so here it is.
A big, fat thank you to g, for listening to my whining and supporting me all the way through it; and another big, fat thank you to h for holding my hand. To my receiver (cookiedrabbles): I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind, but I hope it's ok :)
Baekhyun feels like ice cream. Getting some ice cream, that is. He stares out the window and sighs heavily, face perched on his hand and stomach growling in hunger. Class sucks, and Biology is the worst. At least this is the last period, soon he’ll head home and perhaps to get that ice cream, if Kris is feeling charitable. He always feels charitable when Baekhyun is involved though, so the only thing he’s got to do is actually ask for an ice cream.
When the bell rings, Baekhyun collects his stuff and throws his backpack on, exiting the room as fast as he can. The hallways are already packed when he leaves, so he has to squeeze himself between the horde of eager teenagers in order to get to the gym. His way to an ice cream has basketball practice.
Chanyeol’s obnoxiously loud voice is the first he hears as he pushes the gym door, letting himself in. He frowns slightly bothered, but quickly forgets about Chanyeol once his eyes spot Kris by the benches drinking some water. He jogs over.
“Aye captain,” Baekhyun says. Kris looks up, eyebrows arched and lips parted. “Are you done?”
“Not yet, we’ve got fifteen ahead, why? Need a ride home?” he picks up a towel and wipes at the back of his neck. A single bead rolls down and into his jersey. Baekhyun blinks and looks up.
“Nope, that’s too far from your route.” he shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. Baekhyun looks at his feet, kicking the ground absentmindedly. “I was thinking… Ice cream.” he gazes at Kris, sure to make his eyes seem expectant and kinda dreamy (dreamy gives him that sparkly look). “I really want some ice cream.”
“Oh,” Kris falters, dumping the towel on the bench and quickly glancing at the court where his teammates run frantically from one side to another. “Right now?”
“Yeah, when you’re done.” biting on his lower lip, Baekhyun gives Kris his most perfected innocent look. It works like a charm. The taller stares for a few seconds before blinking out of his haze and nodding.
“Ok, sure. Ice cream. Yeah, we’re on.” Kris sniffs, running a hand under his nose and puts his hands on his waist. “Fifteen.” he says.
Baekhyun smiles brightly. He hopes Kris feels blinded.
-
They know each other since they’re twelve. Kris’ father works in the same company as Baekhyun’s father, and they used to have these barbecues to get the family together. Kris’ family had just gotten in Korea from many years in Canada, and his first impression of Kris was that that’s too much eyebrows for a kid, but shrugged it off when the thought that all kids in Canada could be like that occurred to him. Kris’s sister, Amber, was ok though.
Jongdae, Baekhyun’s best friend, was over the first time Kris came up to his house.
“He’s weird,” Jongdae had said and promptly hid himself behind Baekhyun when Kris marched up to greet them. “It’s like he’ll strike us down with a hammer.”
Despite Jongdae’s hesitance in becoming friends with Kris, Baekhyun actually liked him -- mostly because Kris had this bag filled with all kinds of awesome candy that aren’t in South Korean stores, and the eyebrows boy didn’t seem to think twice before offering some of his treats to Baekhyun. Somehow it became a pattern. First candy, then his plush toys, then his pokemon cards and finally movie outings and ice cream dates. Kris just couldn’t say no to Baekhyun.
It’s not like Baekhyun’s taking advantage of Kris’ willingness of giving him anything he asks for. Well, at least not only that. He really likes Kris, and they’ve created some awesome memories during the almost six years of friendship. It’s just that Baekhyun is used to Kris’ attention and care. So it kinda strikes him pretty bad when Kris texts him saying he can’t come over to help him with his Chemistry homework.
First, Baekhyun stares at his phone in bewilderment. Then he frowns. And sends Kris a bunch of ?????????.
The answer comes pretty quickly. He can almost see Kris worriedly chewing on his lips and nails. Sorry Baek, I forgot I promised to help Joonmyun fix his dog house.
Joonmyun? As in Kim Joonmyun? What? Kim Joonmyun can take all his classes in AP, but can’t fix a dog house himself? Tell him to quit being a lazy ass and hurry over, I have to finish this homework before South Park starts.
Baekhyun throws his phone on his bed and plops on his chair, swiveling until he’s facing his computer. He figures he’s got some time before Kris arrives, so he logs on Netflix and watches a few Friends episodes.
Except four episodes later Kris is nowhere to be seen and Baekhyun’s pile of homework is not even close to disappearing. He grabs his phone and gets ready to angrily type venomous words to send the other, but stops as takes in a text that was received two hours ago. It’s Kris.
can’t do, baek. sorry. i’ll help you some other day, ok?
Baekhyun reads the text three times before inhaling and letting his body fall onto the mattress. Kris is ditching him. For Kim Joonmyun. Which is completely and absurdly ridiculous. Kris isn’t a ditcher. He’s a runner-up. Towards Baekhyun, most times, and this is conflicting.
He looks at his pile of Chemistry homework and sighs. Not today.
-
Worse than being ditched for Kim Joonmyun’s dog house, Baekhyun thinks, is being ditched for Son Wendy.
Every thursday Baekhyun’s parents go over to Kris’ house to play those kinds of card games old people usually play, and Baekhyun usually tags along. He used to anticipate these thursday dates when he was younger; coming to the Wu’s house and spending endless hours in Kris’ room playing games or just watching TV. As they grew up it became routine. Thursday night is their night.
However, tonight…
“Oh, hi Baekhyun,” Mrs. Wu says. “I thought you knew Kris is out tonight.”
Baekhyun frowns. “What? Out on a thursday?”
Mrs. Wu smiles, “Oh yes, he’s out with a girl.” she chips. “Fingers crossed!”
No! Baekhyun wants to scream and swat her stupid crossed fingers down. No girl, what? Fingers crossed? Kris doesn’t need a girlfriend. Baekhyun doesn’t need Kris’ girlfriend, a girlfriend will ruin their dynamics, there’s no space for a girlfriend in their lives.
Excusing himself, Baekhyun diverts to the kitchen and sends a text. Where are you???????????????????????
As usual, it doesn’t take long for an answer to pop on his screen. hey baek, what’s up. i’m with wendy. i think i’ll be home by 10 or smth, will u still be there?
Anger flares up Baekhyun’s chest, and he can actually feel the little bubbles his boiling blood are forming. His only question is: what the fuck?
-
“You’re jealous.” Jongdae says matter-of-factly.
They stand in silence for a few minutes in the middle of the empty biology lab as Jongdae pokes some dead frog and Baekhyun tries not to pass out. Seriously how hard it is nowadays to get an appointment with your valedictorian-material best friend?
“I’m jealous?” he questions.
“Yeah, of Kris.” Jongdae looks up from his deceased amphibian and removes his specs. “You’ve been snorting fire all day because he was out with that Wendy chick last night.”
“Wendy is the cheerleader captain,” Baekhyun reasons. “Don’t you get it? If Kris is the basketball captain they’re just… Straight out of a teen movie!”
Jongdae squints at him. “Ok, Baek.” he removes his gloves and throws them on the frog. “I want you to think about what you just said. But really think about it, like, try to find a reason why you’re upset.”
“I’m upset because he missed our thursday night!” Baekhyun insists. Really, why is Jongdae acting like this? He knows Kris for as long as Baekhyun, he knows how they are. He should understand. “And he ditched me for Kim Joonmyun! And this morning he walked right past me! I mean, something is off, don’t you think?”
“Oh, yes,” Jongdae purses his lips in mockery, frowning just the slightest that’s necessary to make Baekhyun feel stupid. “Considering he’s always trailing you like a puppy, right? Get over yourself! Kris is not your personal whatever you think he is.”
That’s not quite the detour Baekhyun ever imagined his friendship with Kris taking. Not that he’s ever imagined a detour of any sorts. He rewinds every significant moment he’s had with Kris; when they first met, the day Baekhyun was grounded and Kris broke into his room to bust him out (he smiles. That was a fun day. They spent all Baekhyun’s money in chips and soda), when they glued a wig on Kris’ sister hair. So many stories. It’s always been the two of them, even with Jongdae around, Kris was always Baekhyun’s preference. Which is why he can’t quite understand for what reason Kris feels willing to let go of all that -- of his preference for Baekhyun.
“It’s just…” he feels weak, sitting on one of the high seats in the lab. “He’s not supposed to like other people more than he likes me.”
“Then you better work something up, because that Wendy girl’s got some hips and she’s a few strides ahead of you.”
-
Truth is, he was always aware of the warmness that spreaded up on his neck whenever Kris spoke too close to his ear, or the flutterings that took place on his stomach whenever Kris brushed a finger on his cheek and told him he was too cute to function. Baekhyun is not an idiot, he knows. All too well. He just thought it would be a good idea not to dwell on that for, you know, self preservation reasons. Because someone as socially successful as Kris would never agree to date someone as self assured (although socially challenged) as Baekhyun. He would choose the Son Wendys and the Park Chanyeols.
Besides, Kris is also a fool for his sister, Amber. She can almost get away with everything with him, which leads Baekhyun to the conclusion that, to Kris, he’s just like his little sister. And it’s embarrassing as hell when every time he watches one of Kris’ games, he spends half the time watching how the jersey material hugs his ass.
Once he comes to terms with what Kris choosing to hang out with people that aren’t Baekhyun really mean to him, it’s pretty easy to work something up.
Because as self assured as he is, Baekhyun could never be bold enough to say ‘I love you’. So he’ll just take a different turn and express himself otherwise.
-
The coach whistles and Baekhyun wakes up on a jolt. When did he fall asleep?
“Were you sleeping?” Kris jogs over, both hands running through his hair in a clear attempt to look even hotter than he already is, as if it’s really necessary. Baekhyun sighs.
“Just taking a nap,” he answers. “I had an overdue pile of Chem homework to finish last night.”
Kris’ eyes pop out and he gasps. “Shit Baek, I was supposed to help you with that. I’m sorry.”
Yes, you were supposed to help me with that, instead you went to Kim Joonmyun’s to fix his dog house which is not as important as my chem homework or Kim Joonmyun as important as me, but I got over it. That’s what Baekhyun really wants to say, but he’s trying a new method of dealing with Kris.
So he shrugs and climbs down the steps on the bleachers to get to Kris’ level, “Don’t worry about it.”
Kris squints at him. He probably thinks it’s weird that Baekhyun is not throwing a tantrum about the homework or the dog house. “Ok. So, you want help with something else now?”
“Nah, I came by just to watch your practice.” Baekhyun lets his fingers lightly touch the inside of Kris’ forearm. Kris catches on that, looking down at his arm before gazing at Baekhyun.
“That’s not something you do.” he says.
“What? I always watch your games! Besides, it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and I kinda miss you.” he smiles and curls his arms around Kris’, resolutely clinging to him. The taller smiles back, cheeks a light shade of pink, and Baekhyun really wants to reach up and brush a thumb over it.
“Oh, ok.” Kris says in his I-don’t-know-what-to-do-next face. “Do you, um, want to go get an ice cream or something?”
Baekhyun shakes his head, “I’ve got a few books to return to the library.” when Kris hums, Baekhyun disentangles himself from him. “See you around?”
“Yeah. See you around.”
-
Baekhyun knows Kris will be at the club. He’s always at the club on saturdays and Baekhyun is usually his companion, but today he didn’t get the usual call at 8AM. So he called Jongdae and now both of them are marching toward the pool area, bathing suits and sunscreen on.
He’s afraid Kris is purposefully letting go of him. According to Jongdae, Kris got sick of Baekhyun and is finally living up to his reputation as the captain of the basketball team and getting a popular girlfriend. And of course Son Wendy would be at the club as well; in pink bikini and hair clearly done (which doesn’t make any sense when a pool is involved). She’s sitting at the border of the pool with her two girlfriends waving excitedly at Kris swimming with his basketball teammates. She really does look like his girlfriend. And he really looks like a high school jock star, which he is.
“Wow,” Jongdae says as they stand nearby the pool and just watch the whole scenario. Kris and his basketball friends, and his popular ~girlfriend~. “He’s really popular. Why does he hang out with us again?”
Because we’re friends. Real friends, Baekhyun thinks, but something just doesn’t seem right. Every saturday they come here together, and sometimes Kris’ friends from the team are here. He hangs around them for a while (when Baekhyun gets hungry and orders a sandwich), but always comes back to Baekhyun. Today it’s different. Like it has been all week.
They settle far from Kris and his friends, which wasn’t exactly what Baekhyun wanted. He wanted to barge in and make everyone notice how important he is to Kris (even Kris himself), how much Kris cares about him and how easily they fit together. He intended to stake his claim, to make it clear that he’s been there longer, and that Son Wendy wasn’t by far the most important. Instead, he drinks soda with Jongdae and watches the gloriousness of Kris’ wet body from afar, and worst of all, unnoticed.
Is this where everything changes? Where Kris notices he’s settled enough not to need Baekhyun’s presence around him 247?
“Baek, don’t you think you should go talk to him?” Jongdae asks an hour or two later. “I know I told you not to treat him like he’s your property, but you are his favorite. You’ve always been. If something’s going on, then you should talk about it.”
Baekhyun sighs. Jongdae’s right. “I’m going to say hi.”
Kris sits a few pool chairs away from him, near the bar, and all his friends are there. Son Wendy is also there, sharing a chair and leaning against Kris’ side. Baekhyun takes a deep breath and walks up to them.
It’s awkward. They look at him as if they’ve never caught a glimpse of Baekhyun, which is crazy, considering he’s always with Kris.
Kris stands up from his chair, “Baekhyun?” he asks in surprise, both his hands running through his hair. It’s a new habit, Baekhyun notices, one he’s not aware of. It makes his stomach hurts. How much has changed in a single week?
“Hey.” he says.
“Didn’t know you were going to be here.” Kris’ long fingers scratch at the back of his neck. Now that’s an old habit. He’s nervous.
“I’m always here on saturdays.” Baekhyun says frankly.
“Kris?” Wendy calls.
Baekhyun folds his arms on his chest. He’s too conscious of everyone’s eyes on him, and it’s never been this embarrassing before.
“Oh. You guys know Baekhyun, right?” Kris motions between them and Baekhyun nods curtly at his friends. Some of the basketball folk say hi (Chanyeol says hi). The girls just stare. Kris turns back to Baekhyun and inhales. “Sorry, we’re going to play pool dodgeball now. Can we talk later?”
There’s something really unpleasant piling down Baekhyun’s stomach, but he nods and waves a weak hand at Kris. Spinning on his heels and returning to where he’s been sitting with Jongdae, Baekhyun feels like he’s not doing a good job in expressing himself.
-
Monday sucks. School sucks. Life sucks. Everything sucks and Baekhyun would rather be home sulking in the darkness of his room than staring at his dumb teacher lecture the whole classroom about the value of family. He totally missed how this started because he was daydreaming about his bed. And the darkness of his room.
He’s had the worst weekend. Usually, he would just hang out with Kris and Jongdae or maybe help his father with stuff and his mother with things, but since the natural order of things has been disrupted, Baekhyun feels like he’s upside down.
Jongdae did try to cheer him up with pictures from Baek to the Future, his 15th birthday , Back to the Future themed party, and countless bags of chips, but Baekhyun just wasn’t in the mood.
Suddenly everyone is getting up and Jongdae is poking his arm.
“Let’s go, Baek. Time to go home.” his friend says. Baekhyun squints and wonders why he didn’t hear the bell ring. They walk out of class together, but both of them stop on their tracks at the sight of Kris waiting outside, backpack slung on one shoulder and hair perfectly combed back. Baekhyun’s throat feels dry.
Kris steps away from the wall once he sees them, hand reaching up to scratch at his neck.
“Ugh, I’ll just… We’ll talk later, Baek. Hi Kris.” Jongdae quickly walks away, missing the small nod Kris sends in his direction.
Tension installs between them, and Baekhyun crosses his arms on his chest, looking away. Kris clears his throat.
“Hey.” he says.
“Hey.”
“Um. Are you ok?”
He looks up, “Yeah, sure.”
“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Kris says, looking genuinely apologetic. “I didn’t know you were going to be there.”
Baekhyun snorts, “You thought I wouldn’t show up if you didn’t invite me, right? It’s fine, Kris, I have other friends as well. We don’t have to be together all the time.” Wrong. Baekhyun should be expressing himself. Working other ways of saying ‘I love you’.
“It’s not like that,” Kris runs both hands through his hair, and Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He hates that habit. “We’ve been talking about this pool dodgeball for weeks--”
“Kris.” Baekhyun cuts in. “Stop. You don’t owe me any explanation.”
“Of course I do, saturday morning at the club is our thing.” the other says, adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder.
“Just like thursday nights were also our thing, but stuff changes. All I hear from you is ‘sorry’ nowadays. Sorry Baek, I can’t. Sorry Baek, let’s do this later. Sorry, Baek, can’t hang out right now--”
“It’s not-- I didn’t--,” Kris lets out a shuddering breath, approaching Baekhyun with two hands on his arms. His hands feel warm on Baekhyun even over the fabric of his school jacket. “I don’t want to say sorry again, but I am sorry. There’s a lot on my mind these days.”
“Can’t you tell me?” he questions. Something new flashes through Kris’ eyes, something Baekhyun’s never noticed before, and when he shakes his head, he almost looks sad.
“I can’t.” he smiles, and it seems even sadder than his eyes. “I have a lunch date with Wendy now, but I’m free by night. Can I come over after we’re done?”
Date. With Wendy. Baekhyun swallows, blinking fast and nodding eagerly. “Yes. Ok.”
It’s not ok. Baekhyun’s supposed to be studying for a History quiz, but he’s lying in the darkness of his room, pretending he’s crying because of the movie he’s watching and not because he’s too overwhelmed by the feelings he’s not supposed to have for his friend. When did he get here? He’s a self assured young man. He’s a go getter, not a no getter. He knows what he wants. He wants Kris.
Which is exactly why he’s crying.
Light wakes him up. Light hurts his eyes, and his eyes feel very sensible right now. Baekhyun isn’t sure when he fell asleep, but his computer is still on the chair next to his bed and the movie is back to the menu.
“Did I wake you?”
He looks up to see Kris standing in the middle of his room, hands in his coat’s pockets and hair falling fluffy on his forehead.
“You did,” Baekhyun chuckles. “But it’s fine, I’ve been lying here since I got home from school.”
“Your eyes are swollen,” Kris notices, crouching down in front of Baekhyun’s bed. He lifts his hand, but stops midair, as if he’s reconsidering touching Baekhyun’s face. “Were you crying?”
Blinking at his sheets, Baekhyun shakes his head. “I wasn’t.” he lies.
“Baek.” Kris tone is so gentle, and his eyes search Baekhyun’s face so knowingly that for a minute, it seems like nothing’s changed. “Please don’t lie to me. What’s wrong?”
There are two ways ahead. Baekhyun can keep lying, and bury everything that’s been bothering him -- his feelings, Son Wendy, Kris’ basketball mates -- six feet under the ground. Or he can be honest.
He takes a deep breath and meets Kris’ eyes. Baekhyun doesn’t know what makes him bring his hand to Kris’ hair, brushing the strands away from the other’s forehead and pushing them back.
“I like you.” Baekhyun says, and it just slips from his lips. As it it’s been creeping at the tip of his tongue for too long.
“W-what?” Kris blinks. “What do you mean?”
Baekhyun lets out a sad chuckle. “I like you. And I hate Son Wendy. I hate the way she looks at you, and I hate how she leans against you. I hate her. But I like you so much. Why are you stepping away from me?” he sighs, removing his hand from Kris’ hair. “Is it because I’m not popular? Like Wendy?”
“You like me?” Kris asks, eyes wide and mouth parted. Baekhyun can only nod. “Why you never said anything?”
“I’d never thought about it that way. I’m sorry, Kris.” he grabs both Kris’ hands. “I will get over it I you want me to, I promise.”
Kris stares at their clasped hands for a while, blinking in daze and Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do. This is not how he’d imagined things going.
“I need to…” gently, Kris pulls his hands out of Baekhyun’s grip and stands up. “I’m going to… We’ll… I’ll see you tomorrow, Baek.” and just like that, he walks out of Baekhyun’s room.
-
Baekhyun tells his parents he’s not feeling well, which is kinda true, and skips school. Jongdae calls a few times, but he lets the phone ring. He’s got a whole day of self-loathing planned and Kris stopping by is not on his plans. The tall basketball player shows up in his school clothes, hair in disarray and eyes too alert. Baekhyun looks at the clock and notices it’s still morning.
“Why aren’t you at school?” he asks, standing up from his bed and wrapping himself in his blankets. He feels too exposed in his pajamas, even if Kris has seen him with less clothes. It’s different now.
Kris drops his backpack and shrugs. “I don’t know.” he says. “I just got to school and you weren’t there.”
“I don’t feel very well.” Baekhyun answers.
“Do you wanna know why I’ve been cancelling on you all week?” Kris steps closer. Baekhyun can see he’s breathing heavy, and it makes his heart jump. “I felt weird. I wanted to kiss you everytime you had ice cream on the corners of your mouth, I really really wanted to kiss you. You have no idea.”
Baekhyun feels like a thousand butterflies were unleashed inside him. He reaches up to touch his stomach, and the blanket around him falls on one side. His breathing falters when Kris approaches; they’re so close now, he can count all of Kris’ lashes and all the little creases of his mouth. And then he’s being kissed.
The blankets have fallen from where they were around his shoulders to pool messily on the floor. They weren’t needed anyway. Kris slides both hands down Baekhyun’s spine and settles them on his lower-back to scoot him even closer. Baekhyun shivers, humming and hooking an arm around Kris’ neck.
His mouth slants sideways and his tongue laps over Baekhyun’s lips, coaxing them further apart. As he deepens the kiss, one of Kris’ hands reaches for Baekhyun’s head, fingers burying in his hair. His breathing completely out of sync with Kris’, but that’s ok. It makes it more real that he’s here, in Baekhyun’s bedroom.
They part, Kris’ both hands cradling Baekhyun’s face as if he would break if he lets go. “I broke up with Wendy last night.” he says.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Baekhyun breathes. The other chuckles.
“No, you’re not.”
“I’m not. I don’t like to share.” Baekhyun tiptoes to press a light kiss against Kris’ mouth. The he shakes his head, because everything seems too unreal and he’s afraid someone might turn his lights on.
“What do you say we go for an ice cream?” Kris suggests.
“Nice,” Baekhyun slides his hand down his arm and laces their hands together. “I’ll pay this time.”
A/N: i'm so damn embarrassed for this fic.
Pairing: kris/baekhyun
Rating: PG-13
Length: 4,358 words
Summary: Baekhyun could never be bold enough to say ‘I love you’.
Notes: This was written for artistalks, but i also don't know what happened so here it is.
A big, fat thank you to g, for listening to my whining and supporting me all the way through it; and another big, fat thank you to h for holding my hand. To my receiver (cookiedrabbles): I'm not sure if this is what you had in mind, but I hope it's ok :)
Baekhyun feels like ice cream. Getting some ice cream, that is. He stares out the window and sighs heavily, face perched on his hand and stomach growling in hunger. Class sucks, and Biology is the worst. At least this is the last period, soon he’ll head home and perhaps to get that ice cream, if Kris is feeling charitable. He always feels charitable when Baekhyun is involved though, so the only thing he’s got to do is actually ask for an ice cream.
When the bell rings, Baekhyun collects his stuff and throws his backpack on, exiting the room as fast as he can. The hallways are already packed when he leaves, so he has to squeeze himself between the horde of eager teenagers in order to get to the gym. His way to an ice cream has basketball practice.
Chanyeol’s obnoxiously loud voice is the first he hears as he pushes the gym door, letting himself in. He frowns slightly bothered, but quickly forgets about Chanyeol once his eyes spot Kris by the benches drinking some water. He jogs over.
“Aye captain,” Baekhyun says. Kris looks up, eyebrows arched and lips parted. “Are you done?”
“Not yet, we’ve got fifteen ahead, why? Need a ride home?” he picks up a towel and wipes at the back of his neck. A single bead rolls down and into his jersey. Baekhyun blinks and looks up.
“Nope, that’s too far from your route.” he shrugs and shoves his hands in his pockets. Baekhyun looks at his feet, kicking the ground absentmindedly. “I was thinking… Ice cream.” he gazes at Kris, sure to make his eyes seem expectant and kinda dreamy (dreamy gives him that sparkly look). “I really want some ice cream.”
“Oh,” Kris falters, dumping the towel on the bench and quickly glancing at the court where his teammates run frantically from one side to another. “Right now?”
“Yeah, when you’re done.” biting on his lower lip, Baekhyun gives Kris his most perfected innocent look. It works like a charm. The taller stares for a few seconds before blinking out of his haze and nodding.
“Ok, sure. Ice cream. Yeah, we’re on.” Kris sniffs, running a hand under his nose and puts his hands on his waist. “Fifteen.” he says.
Baekhyun smiles brightly. He hopes Kris feels blinded.
-
They know each other since they’re twelve. Kris’ father works in the same company as Baekhyun’s father, and they used to have these barbecues to get the family together. Kris’ family had just gotten in Korea from many years in Canada, and his first impression of Kris was that that’s too much eyebrows for a kid, but shrugged it off when the thought that all kids in Canada could be like that occurred to him. Kris’s sister, Amber, was ok though.
Jongdae, Baekhyun’s best friend, was over the first time Kris came up to his house.
“He’s weird,” Jongdae had said and promptly hid himself behind Baekhyun when Kris marched up to greet them. “It’s like he’ll strike us down with a hammer.”
Despite Jongdae’s hesitance in becoming friends with Kris, Baekhyun actually liked him -- mostly because Kris had this bag filled with all kinds of awesome candy that aren’t in South Korean stores, and the eyebrows boy didn’t seem to think twice before offering some of his treats to Baekhyun. Somehow it became a pattern. First candy, then his plush toys, then his pokemon cards and finally movie outings and ice cream dates. Kris just couldn’t say no to Baekhyun.
It’s not like Baekhyun’s taking advantage of Kris’ willingness of giving him anything he asks for. Well, at least not only that. He really likes Kris, and they’ve created some awesome memories during the almost six years of friendship. It’s just that Baekhyun is used to Kris’ attention and care. So it kinda strikes him pretty bad when Kris texts him saying he can’t come over to help him with his Chemistry homework.
First, Baekhyun stares at his phone in bewilderment. Then he frowns. And sends Kris a bunch of ?????????.
The answer comes pretty quickly. He can almost see Kris worriedly chewing on his lips and nails. Sorry Baek, I forgot I promised to help Joonmyun fix his dog house.
Joonmyun? As in Kim Joonmyun? What? Kim Joonmyun can take all his classes in AP, but can’t fix a dog house himself? Tell him to quit being a lazy ass and hurry over, I have to finish this homework before South Park starts.
Baekhyun throws his phone on his bed and plops on his chair, swiveling until he’s facing his computer. He figures he’s got some time before Kris arrives, so he logs on Netflix and watches a few Friends episodes.
Except four episodes later Kris is nowhere to be seen and Baekhyun’s pile of homework is not even close to disappearing. He grabs his phone and gets ready to angrily type venomous words to send the other, but stops as takes in a text that was received two hours ago. It’s Kris.
can’t do, baek. sorry. i’ll help you some other day, ok?
Baekhyun reads the text three times before inhaling and letting his body fall onto the mattress. Kris is ditching him. For Kim Joonmyun. Which is completely and absurdly ridiculous. Kris isn’t a ditcher. He’s a runner-up. Towards Baekhyun, most times, and this is conflicting.
He looks at his pile of Chemistry homework and sighs. Not today.
-
Worse than being ditched for Kim Joonmyun’s dog house, Baekhyun thinks, is being ditched for Son Wendy.
Every thursday Baekhyun’s parents go over to Kris’ house to play those kinds of card games old people usually play, and Baekhyun usually tags along. He used to anticipate these thursday dates when he was younger; coming to the Wu’s house and spending endless hours in Kris’ room playing games or just watching TV. As they grew up it became routine. Thursday night is their night.
However, tonight…
“Oh, hi Baekhyun,” Mrs. Wu says. “I thought you knew Kris is out tonight.”
Baekhyun frowns. “What? Out on a thursday?”
Mrs. Wu smiles, “Oh yes, he’s out with a girl.” she chips. “Fingers crossed!”
No! Baekhyun wants to scream and swat her stupid crossed fingers down. No girl, what? Fingers crossed? Kris doesn’t need a girlfriend. Baekhyun doesn’t need Kris’ girlfriend, a girlfriend will ruin their dynamics, there’s no space for a girlfriend in their lives.
Excusing himself, Baekhyun diverts to the kitchen and sends a text. Where are you???????????????????????
As usual, it doesn’t take long for an answer to pop on his screen. hey baek, what’s up. i’m with wendy. i think i’ll be home by 10 or smth, will u still be there?
Anger flares up Baekhyun’s chest, and he can actually feel the little bubbles his boiling blood are forming. His only question is: what the fuck?
-
“You’re jealous.” Jongdae says matter-of-factly.
They stand in silence for a few minutes in the middle of the empty biology lab as Jongdae pokes some dead frog and Baekhyun tries not to pass out. Seriously how hard it is nowadays to get an appointment with your valedictorian-material best friend?
“I’m jealous?” he questions.
“Yeah, of Kris.” Jongdae looks up from his deceased amphibian and removes his specs. “You’ve been snorting fire all day because he was out with that Wendy chick last night.”
“Wendy is the cheerleader captain,” Baekhyun reasons. “Don’t you get it? If Kris is the basketball captain they’re just… Straight out of a teen movie!”
Jongdae squints at him. “Ok, Baek.” he removes his gloves and throws them on the frog. “I want you to think about what you just said. But really think about it, like, try to find a reason why you’re upset.”
“I’m upset because he missed our thursday night!” Baekhyun insists. Really, why is Jongdae acting like this? He knows Kris for as long as Baekhyun, he knows how they are. He should understand. “And he ditched me for Kim Joonmyun! And this morning he walked right past me! I mean, something is off, don’t you think?”
“Oh, yes,” Jongdae purses his lips in mockery, frowning just the slightest that’s necessary to make Baekhyun feel stupid. “Considering he’s always trailing you like a puppy, right? Get over yourself! Kris is not your personal whatever you think he is.”
That’s not quite the detour Baekhyun ever imagined his friendship with Kris taking. Not that he’s ever imagined a detour of any sorts. He rewinds every significant moment he’s had with Kris; when they first met, the day Baekhyun was grounded and Kris broke into his room to bust him out (he smiles. That was a fun day. They spent all Baekhyun’s money in chips and soda), when they glued a wig on Kris’ sister hair. So many stories. It’s always been the two of them, even with Jongdae around, Kris was always Baekhyun’s preference. Which is why he can’t quite understand for what reason Kris feels willing to let go of all that -- of his preference for Baekhyun.
“It’s just…” he feels weak, sitting on one of the high seats in the lab. “He’s not supposed to like other people more than he likes me.”
“Then you better work something up, because that Wendy girl’s got some hips and she’s a few strides ahead of you.”
-
Truth is, he was always aware of the warmness that spreaded up on his neck whenever Kris spoke too close to his ear, or the flutterings that took place on his stomach whenever Kris brushed a finger on his cheek and told him he was too cute to function. Baekhyun is not an idiot, he knows. All too well. He just thought it would be a good idea not to dwell on that for, you know, self preservation reasons. Because someone as socially successful as Kris would never agree to date someone as self assured (although socially challenged) as Baekhyun. He would choose the Son Wendys and the Park Chanyeols.
Besides, Kris is also a fool for his sister, Amber. She can almost get away with everything with him, which leads Baekhyun to the conclusion that, to Kris, he’s just like his little sister. And it’s embarrassing as hell when every time he watches one of Kris’ games, he spends half the time watching how the jersey material hugs his ass.
Once he comes to terms with what Kris choosing to hang out with people that aren’t Baekhyun really mean to him, it’s pretty easy to work something up.
Because as self assured as he is, Baekhyun could never be bold enough to say ‘I love you’. So he’ll just take a different turn and express himself otherwise.
-
The coach whistles and Baekhyun wakes up on a jolt. When did he fall asleep?
“Were you sleeping?” Kris jogs over, both hands running through his hair in a clear attempt to look even hotter than he already is, as if it’s really necessary. Baekhyun sighs.
“Just taking a nap,” he answers. “I had an overdue pile of Chem homework to finish last night.”
Kris’ eyes pop out and he gasps. “Shit Baek, I was supposed to help you with that. I’m sorry.”
Yes, you were supposed to help me with that, instead you went to Kim Joonmyun’s to fix his dog house which is not as important as my chem homework or Kim Joonmyun as important as me, but I got over it. That’s what Baekhyun really wants to say, but he’s trying a new method of dealing with Kris.
So he shrugs and climbs down the steps on the bleachers to get to Kris’ level, “Don’t worry about it.”
Kris squints at him. He probably thinks it’s weird that Baekhyun is not throwing a tantrum about the homework or the dog house. “Ok. So, you want help with something else now?”
“Nah, I came by just to watch your practice.” Baekhyun lets his fingers lightly touch the inside of Kris’ forearm. Kris catches on that, looking down at his arm before gazing at Baekhyun.
“That’s not something you do.” he says.
“What? I always watch your games! Besides, it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and I kinda miss you.” he smiles and curls his arms around Kris’, resolutely clinging to him. The taller smiles back, cheeks a light shade of pink, and Baekhyun really wants to reach up and brush a thumb over it.
“Oh, ok.” Kris says in his I-don’t-know-what-to-do-next face. “Do you, um, want to go get an ice cream or something?”
Baekhyun shakes his head, “I’ve got a few books to return to the library.” when Kris hums, Baekhyun disentangles himself from him. “See you around?”
“Yeah. See you around.”
-
Baekhyun knows Kris will be at the club. He’s always at the club on saturdays and Baekhyun is usually his companion, but today he didn’t get the usual call at 8AM. So he called Jongdae and now both of them are marching toward the pool area, bathing suits and sunscreen on.
He’s afraid Kris is purposefully letting go of him. According to Jongdae, Kris got sick of Baekhyun and is finally living up to his reputation as the captain of the basketball team and getting a popular girlfriend. And of course Son Wendy would be at the club as well; in pink bikini and hair clearly done (which doesn’t make any sense when a pool is involved). She’s sitting at the border of the pool with her two girlfriends waving excitedly at Kris swimming with his basketball teammates. She really does look like his girlfriend. And he really looks like a high school jock star, which he is.
“Wow,” Jongdae says as they stand nearby the pool and just watch the whole scenario. Kris and his basketball friends, and his popular ~girlfriend~. “He’s really popular. Why does he hang out with us again?”
Because we’re friends. Real friends, Baekhyun thinks, but something just doesn’t seem right. Every saturday they come here together, and sometimes Kris’ friends from the team are here. He hangs around them for a while (when Baekhyun gets hungry and orders a sandwich), but always comes back to Baekhyun. Today it’s different. Like it has been all week.
They settle far from Kris and his friends, which wasn’t exactly what Baekhyun wanted. He wanted to barge in and make everyone notice how important he is to Kris (even Kris himself), how much Kris cares about him and how easily they fit together. He intended to stake his claim, to make it clear that he’s been there longer, and that Son Wendy wasn’t by far the most important. Instead, he drinks soda with Jongdae and watches the gloriousness of Kris’ wet body from afar, and worst of all, unnoticed.
Is this where everything changes? Where Kris notices he’s settled enough not to need Baekhyun’s presence around him 247?
“Baek, don’t you think you should go talk to him?” Jongdae asks an hour or two later. “I know I told you not to treat him like he’s your property, but you are his favorite. You’ve always been. If something’s going on, then you should talk about it.”
Baekhyun sighs. Jongdae’s right. “I’m going to say hi.”
Kris sits a few pool chairs away from him, near the bar, and all his friends are there. Son Wendy is also there, sharing a chair and leaning against Kris’ side. Baekhyun takes a deep breath and walks up to them.
It’s awkward. They look at him as if they’ve never caught a glimpse of Baekhyun, which is crazy, considering he’s always with Kris.
Kris stands up from his chair, “Baekhyun?” he asks in surprise, both his hands running through his hair. It’s a new habit, Baekhyun notices, one he’s not aware of. It makes his stomach hurts. How much has changed in a single week?
“Hey.” he says.
“Didn’t know you were going to be here.” Kris’ long fingers scratch at the back of his neck. Now that’s an old habit. He’s nervous.
“I’m always here on saturdays.” Baekhyun says frankly.
“Kris?” Wendy calls.
Baekhyun folds his arms on his chest. He’s too conscious of everyone’s eyes on him, and it’s never been this embarrassing before.
“Oh. You guys know Baekhyun, right?” Kris motions between them and Baekhyun nods curtly at his friends. Some of the basketball folk say hi (Chanyeol says hi). The girls just stare. Kris turns back to Baekhyun and inhales. “Sorry, we’re going to play pool dodgeball now. Can we talk later?”
There’s something really unpleasant piling down Baekhyun’s stomach, but he nods and waves a weak hand at Kris. Spinning on his heels and returning to where he’s been sitting with Jongdae, Baekhyun feels like he’s not doing a good job in expressing himself.
-
Monday sucks. School sucks. Life sucks. Everything sucks and Baekhyun would rather be home sulking in the darkness of his room than staring at his dumb teacher lecture the whole classroom about the value of family. He totally missed how this started because he was daydreaming about his bed. And the darkness of his room.
He’s had the worst weekend. Usually, he would just hang out with Kris and Jongdae or maybe help his father with stuff and his mother with things, but since the natural order of things has been disrupted, Baekhyun feels like he’s upside down.
Jongdae did try to cheer him up with pictures from Baek to the Future, his 15th birthday , Back to the Future themed party, and countless bags of chips, but Baekhyun just wasn’t in the mood.
Suddenly everyone is getting up and Jongdae is poking his arm.
“Let’s go, Baek. Time to go home.” his friend says. Baekhyun squints and wonders why he didn’t hear the bell ring. They walk out of class together, but both of them stop on their tracks at the sight of Kris waiting outside, backpack slung on one shoulder and hair perfectly combed back. Baekhyun’s throat feels dry.
Kris steps away from the wall once he sees them, hand reaching up to scratch at his neck.
“Ugh, I’ll just… We’ll talk later, Baek. Hi Kris.” Jongdae quickly walks away, missing the small nod Kris sends in his direction.
Tension installs between them, and Baekhyun crosses his arms on his chest, looking away. Kris clears his throat.
“Hey.” he says.
“Hey.”
“Um. Are you ok?”
He looks up, “Yeah, sure.”
“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Kris says, looking genuinely apologetic. “I didn’t know you were going to be there.”
Baekhyun snorts, “You thought I wouldn’t show up if you didn’t invite me, right? It’s fine, Kris, I have other friends as well. We don’t have to be together all the time.” Wrong. Baekhyun should be expressing himself. Working other ways of saying ‘I love you’.
“It’s not like that,” Kris runs both hands through his hair, and Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He hates that habit. “We’ve been talking about this pool dodgeball for weeks--”
“Kris.” Baekhyun cuts in. “Stop. You don’t owe me any explanation.”
“Of course I do, saturday morning at the club is our thing.” the other says, adjusting the strap of his backpack on his shoulder.
“Just like thursday nights were also our thing, but stuff changes. All I hear from you is ‘sorry’ nowadays. Sorry Baek, I can’t. Sorry Baek, let’s do this later. Sorry, Baek, can’t hang out right now--”
“It’s not-- I didn’t--,” Kris lets out a shuddering breath, approaching Baekhyun with two hands on his arms. His hands feel warm on Baekhyun even over the fabric of his school jacket. “I don’t want to say sorry again, but I am sorry. There’s a lot on my mind these days.”
“Can’t you tell me?” he questions. Something new flashes through Kris’ eyes, something Baekhyun’s never noticed before, and when he shakes his head, he almost looks sad.
“I can’t.” he smiles, and it seems even sadder than his eyes. “I have a lunch date with Wendy now, but I’m free by night. Can I come over after we’re done?”
Date. With Wendy. Baekhyun swallows, blinking fast and nodding eagerly. “Yes. Ok.”
It’s not ok. Baekhyun’s supposed to be studying for a History quiz, but he’s lying in the darkness of his room, pretending he’s crying because of the movie he’s watching and not because he’s too overwhelmed by the feelings he’s not supposed to have for his friend. When did he get here? He’s a self assured young man. He’s a go getter, not a no getter. He knows what he wants. He wants Kris.
Which is exactly why he’s crying.
Light wakes him up. Light hurts his eyes, and his eyes feel very sensible right now. Baekhyun isn’t sure when he fell asleep, but his computer is still on the chair next to his bed and the movie is back to the menu.
“Did I wake you?”
He looks up to see Kris standing in the middle of his room, hands in his coat’s pockets and hair falling fluffy on his forehead.
“You did,” Baekhyun chuckles. “But it’s fine, I’ve been lying here since I got home from school.”
“Your eyes are swollen,” Kris notices, crouching down in front of Baekhyun’s bed. He lifts his hand, but stops midair, as if he’s reconsidering touching Baekhyun’s face. “Were you crying?”
Blinking at his sheets, Baekhyun shakes his head. “I wasn’t.” he lies.
“Baek.” Kris tone is so gentle, and his eyes search Baekhyun’s face so knowingly that for a minute, it seems like nothing’s changed. “Please don’t lie to me. What’s wrong?”
There are two ways ahead. Baekhyun can keep lying, and bury everything that’s been bothering him -- his feelings, Son Wendy, Kris’ basketball mates -- six feet under the ground. Or he can be honest.
He takes a deep breath and meets Kris’ eyes. Baekhyun doesn’t know what makes him bring his hand to Kris’ hair, brushing the strands away from the other’s forehead and pushing them back.
“I like you.” Baekhyun says, and it just slips from his lips. As it it’s been creeping at the tip of his tongue for too long.
“W-what?” Kris blinks. “What do you mean?”
Baekhyun lets out a sad chuckle. “I like you. And I hate Son Wendy. I hate the way she looks at you, and I hate how she leans against you. I hate her. But I like you so much. Why are you stepping away from me?” he sighs, removing his hand from Kris’ hair. “Is it because I’m not popular? Like Wendy?”
“You like me?” Kris asks, eyes wide and mouth parted. Baekhyun can only nod. “Why you never said anything?”
“I’d never thought about it that way. I’m sorry, Kris.” he grabs both Kris’ hands. “I will get over it I you want me to, I promise.”
Kris stares at their clasped hands for a while, blinking in daze and Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do. This is not how he’d imagined things going.
“I need to…” gently, Kris pulls his hands out of Baekhyun’s grip and stands up. “I’m going to… We’ll… I’ll see you tomorrow, Baek.” and just like that, he walks out of Baekhyun’s room.
-
Baekhyun tells his parents he’s not feeling well, which is kinda true, and skips school. Jongdae calls a few times, but he lets the phone ring. He’s got a whole day of self-loathing planned and Kris stopping by is not on his plans. The tall basketball player shows up in his school clothes, hair in disarray and eyes too alert. Baekhyun looks at the clock and notices it’s still morning.
“Why aren’t you at school?” he asks, standing up from his bed and wrapping himself in his blankets. He feels too exposed in his pajamas, even if Kris has seen him with less clothes. It’s different now.
Kris drops his backpack and shrugs. “I don’t know.” he says. “I just got to school and you weren’t there.”
“I don’t feel very well.” Baekhyun answers.
“Do you wanna know why I’ve been cancelling on you all week?” Kris steps closer. Baekhyun can see he’s breathing heavy, and it makes his heart jump. “I felt weird. I wanted to kiss you everytime you had ice cream on the corners of your mouth, I really really wanted to kiss you. You have no idea.”
Baekhyun feels like a thousand butterflies were unleashed inside him. He reaches up to touch his stomach, and the blanket around him falls on one side. His breathing falters when Kris approaches; they’re so close now, he can count all of Kris’ lashes and all the little creases of his mouth. And then he’s being kissed.
The blankets have fallen from where they were around his shoulders to pool messily on the floor. They weren’t needed anyway. Kris slides both hands down Baekhyun’s spine and settles them on his lower-back to scoot him even closer. Baekhyun shivers, humming and hooking an arm around Kris’ neck.
His mouth slants sideways and his tongue laps over Baekhyun’s lips, coaxing them further apart. As he deepens the kiss, one of Kris’ hands reaches for Baekhyun’s head, fingers burying in his hair. His breathing completely out of sync with Kris’, but that’s ok. It makes it more real that he’s here, in Baekhyun’s bedroom.
They part, Kris’ both hands cradling Baekhyun’s face as if he would break if he lets go. “I broke up with Wendy last night.” he says.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Baekhyun breathes. The other chuckles.
“No, you’re not.”
“I’m not. I don’t like to share.” Baekhyun tiptoes to press a light kiss against Kris’ mouth. The he shakes his head, because everything seems too unreal and he’s afraid someone might turn his lights on.
“What do you say we go for an ice cream?” Kris suggests.
“Nice,” Baekhyun slides his hand down his arm and laces their hands together. “I’ll pay this time.”
A/N: i'm so damn embarrassed for this fic.