A Bend in the Journey
The journey finally has reached a corner or bend.. i have pass all my subjects at uni for the first time ever. I find myself in situation i haven't been in awhile.. its one thing to be told and mentally think you can achieve something.. but its something altogether different when you believe that you can achieve and it actually manifests into something great. I haven't had an all together great start to university. But this year has given me a clean slate. Getting kicked out of uni may have been the best thing to happen to me.. obviously back then things looked very bleak. I wasn't going to university, i hadn't told my parents, i was working in an office that in all likelihood getting sued [well they did get all of their products recalled] i didn't have many prospects, having failed most of my subjects attempted :( but it allowed me to really look at what i wanted. Where i wanted to go, achieve, my goals, my dreams. Were these goals, dreams attainable? How would i go about it? Was i doing all this for myself or for my parents.. or even what i though my parents wanted.
I really asked myself if i really was doing this for me or my parents. When i thought about it. I realised that for all that my parents want for me... i ultimately failed my exams/subjects. I could not blame that on any real or imagined pressure from my parents or others. Once i discovered this, it made me think that all the situations i got in, i manifested them for myself. I think that while i maybe positive i think it was more denial. I did not want to look too closely at my failures. My sub-conscious kept saying that i was a failure and that i would never make my parents proud. I realise that me being happy is enough for my parents.
I really like where i am at the moment. I am enjoying life. University is heading in the right direction. I have friends that i can rely on no matter what. I have diverse interests. My rehab is going great and i'll be about to get back to taekwondo and softball soon. I finally have a love life... it's not about sex but its nice to have a guy you can cuddle with, who likes you for who you are. I had no idea what a confidence booster it was to have a guy say i like you. Though we're not in a relationship, its still amazing to know this guy and maybe in the near/far future we'll be more than friends.
2 years ago i spent a couple of weeks with my Cousin in Sydney. I basically chilled out and though about the years past and what holds in my future. My cousin gave some great advice that summer, some i did not want to listen to and some i tried to. The advice she gave me i have only recently taken to heart. She told me tha ti had to be positive about my life no one else can make me happy. My life has be the way i want it to be. I must love my life before i can share it with anyone. My life should be great, and friends should add to that but my life must be also be great without them. I should be comfortable with myself without external influences, friends family drugs or otherwise. Basically being happy in your own skin. I am at a stage that i am happy in my skin, in my life. I of course still have work to do, but i finally see that everything i need to do is very manageable. A little bit of hard work and i can do anything. I am at a stage that i feel comfortable sharing my life with others.
I have few close friends but i have many friends that i can talk to, learn from. I am widening my circle of friends and for the first time have friends from university. Some i didn't even have classes with but made friends through classmates. I am more open to people. I have always trusted people, but i find it hard to keep new friends. So far so good though, they want to be my friends and aren't snobs like monash :)
In the last 4 years, i never thought i would be happy with everything in my life. And now i am!
I've been told i have positive energy but not till recently have i really felt it. It is true that what you want you must manifest with your will. You must have a goal for yourself and will it to happen. Faith and belief are very powerful emotions, not just in religion but in personal growth.
Faith allows you to trust in the universe, allow yourself to go with the flow. Belief allows you to trust in yourself and your will to manifest great things. You Will shall give you the conviction and motivation to achieve whatever you set out to do.
I've never put much stock in religion but i have learned from religion. Belief in one self and in others, allows us to achieve and lets us accept and gain strength from those who wish, want to help us achieve all of our goals.
Trust in God or whatever diety, teachings you want but never lose faith or belief in others or yourself. Because God will only give you hope but you are the only person who can achieve you goals.
I am very happy
There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something.
Henry Ford
I really asked myself if i really was doing this for me or my parents. When i thought about it. I realised that for all that my parents want for me... i ultimately failed my exams/subjects. I could not blame that on any real or imagined pressure from my parents or others. Once i discovered this, it made me think that all the situations i got in, i manifested them for myself. I think that while i maybe positive i think it was more denial. I did not want to look too closely at my failures. My sub-conscious kept saying that i was a failure and that i would never make my parents proud. I realise that me being happy is enough for my parents.
I really like where i am at the moment. I am enjoying life. University is heading in the right direction. I have friends that i can rely on no matter what. I have diverse interests. My rehab is going great and i'll be about to get back to taekwondo and softball soon. I finally have a love life... it's not about sex but its nice to have a guy you can cuddle with, who likes you for who you are. I had no idea what a confidence booster it was to have a guy say i like you. Though we're not in a relationship, its still amazing to know this guy and maybe in the near/far future we'll be more than friends.
2 years ago i spent a couple of weeks with my Cousin in Sydney. I basically chilled out and though about the years past and what holds in my future. My cousin gave some great advice that summer, some i did not want to listen to and some i tried to. The advice she gave me i have only recently taken to heart. She told me tha ti had to be positive about my life no one else can make me happy. My life has be the way i want it to be. I must love my life before i can share it with anyone. My life should be great, and friends should add to that but my life must be also be great without them. I should be comfortable with myself without external influences, friends family drugs or otherwise. Basically being happy in your own skin. I am at a stage that i am happy in my skin, in my life. I of course still have work to do, but i finally see that everything i need to do is very manageable. A little bit of hard work and i can do anything. I am at a stage that i feel comfortable sharing my life with others.
I have few close friends but i have many friends that i can talk to, learn from. I am widening my circle of friends and for the first time have friends from university. Some i didn't even have classes with but made friends through classmates. I am more open to people. I have always trusted people, but i find it hard to keep new friends. So far so good though, they want to be my friends and aren't snobs like monash :)
In the last 4 years, i never thought i would be happy with everything in my life. And now i am!
I've been told i have positive energy but not till recently have i really felt it. It is true that what you want you must manifest with your will. You must have a goal for yourself and will it to happen. Faith and belief are very powerful emotions, not just in religion but in personal growth.
Faith allows you to trust in the universe, allow yourself to go with the flow. Belief allows you to trust in yourself and your will to manifest great things. You Will shall give you the conviction and motivation to achieve whatever you set out to do.
I've never put much stock in religion but i have learned from religion. Belief in one self and in others, allows us to achieve and lets us accept and gain strength from those who wish, want to help us achieve all of our goals.
Trust in God or whatever diety, teachings you want but never lose faith or belief in others or yourself. Because God will only give you hope but you are the only person who can achieve you goals.
I am very happy
There is no happiness except in the realization that we have accomplished something.
Henry Ford