Only because you won't call me
I am most afraid of losing people.
Right now it feels as if everyone is in danger of disappearing into thin air.
Or maybe it is me who is fading. Maybe I have been spending too much time with my shrink and have become so small as to be barley noticeable.
I feel very small right now because I fucked up and jeopardized my relationship. I fucked-up, apologized profusely, but it may not be enough and I am growing impatient. The suspense is literally killing me. I can't eat. I can't sleep. And I certainly can't work.
Instead I just worry. I live in a constant state of fear. When will the other shoe drop? Will it put me out of my misery swiftly? Or will I be forced to writhe around in pain and despair for months/years like the last two times my heart broke?
At least is familiar. Fear, uncertainty. Maybe thats why I did what I did. Maybe everything was just going too perfectly.
Well are you satisfied, I ask myself.
No, I hear myself think, but then wonder how much I can trust my own head.
Right now it feels as if everyone is in danger of disappearing into thin air.
Or maybe it is me who is fading. Maybe I have been spending too much time with my shrink and have become so small as to be barley noticeable.
I feel very small right now because I fucked up and jeopardized my relationship. I fucked-up, apologized profusely, but it may not be enough and I am growing impatient. The suspense is literally killing me. I can't eat. I can't sleep. And I certainly can't work.
Instead I just worry. I live in a constant state of fear. When will the other shoe drop? Will it put me out of my misery swiftly? Or will I be forced to writhe around in pain and despair for months/years like the last two times my heart broke?
At least is familiar. Fear, uncertainty. Maybe thats why I did what I did. Maybe everything was just going too perfectly.
Well are you satisfied, I ask myself.
No, I hear myself think, but then wonder how much I can trust my own head.