sometimes
sometimes I want to scream "FUCK YOU!" so loud in your ears so that they bleed. I want to look you in the eyes afterwards when you see me trying so hard to walk away. secretly, I think that is what you want. to be alone. so no one will ever leave you. so you can never get close to anyone. because one moment they could be gone.
sometimes I want to scream "I LOVE YOU!" so loud from the top of my lungs on your balcony so the whole world can hear. I want to hold you close and look you in the eyes. and you will know that I meant it. and you will know that I don't want to go anywhere except for inside so we can lay on the couch and stare at each other for hours
sometimes I want to pretend everything is okay. easy. that life isn't challenging and that love is easy. only it isn't. NOTHING is easy. I tell myself one day you will feel whole again if I give you time. and all I can here in my head is "he needs therapy, he can't do it by himself, in five years he could snap."
sometimes I want to let you know everything about me. and that I know what it is like to loose. I want you know know every detail about my body and soul. and I want you to open up. and not be afraid of me. and for things to be completely comfortable.
sometimes I want to see you cry. so I know you know that you can let go. and I want to cry so you see how much this means. even though I can't explain it. I can't explain much of anything anymore. maybe I fight for the wrong causes. I always wind up falling for the one thing that won't have me. and then I cry.
and I grow up.
sometimes you think I can't read you. and you are wrong. you can't fool me. you try so hard. it makes me sick to my stomach. and I worry. I worry that you'll get yourself in trouble. and you won't ask for help. and you'll be alone
for the rest of your life. because you can't see out from behind the brick wall
you place between us.
sometimes I am so sure. sometimes. I have no idea. sometimes I wish...and then again I don't. sometimes I think I am strong. sometimes I am completely hopeless. sometimes I want to..and then sometimes I don't. sometimes I get caught up and I can't go back. sometimes I can't explain a fucking thing to anyone about anything
all the time. I think of everything.
sometimes I want to scream "I LOVE YOU!" so loud from the top of my lungs on your balcony so the whole world can hear. I want to hold you close and look you in the eyes. and you will know that I meant it. and you will know that I don't want to go anywhere except for inside so we can lay on the couch and stare at each other for hours
sometimes I want to pretend everything is okay. easy. that life isn't challenging and that love is easy. only it isn't. NOTHING is easy. I tell myself one day you will feel whole again if I give you time. and all I can here in my head is "he needs therapy, he can't do it by himself, in five years he could snap."
sometimes I want to let you know everything about me. and that I know what it is like to loose. I want you know know every detail about my body and soul. and I want you to open up. and not be afraid of me. and for things to be completely comfortable.
sometimes I want to see you cry. so I know you know that you can let go. and I want to cry so you see how much this means. even though I can't explain it. I can't explain much of anything anymore. maybe I fight for the wrong causes. I always wind up falling for the one thing that won't have me. and then I cry.
and I grow up.
sometimes you think I can't read you. and you are wrong. you can't fool me. you try so hard. it makes me sick to my stomach. and I worry. I worry that you'll get yourself in trouble. and you won't ask for help. and you'll be alone
for the rest of your life. because you can't see out from behind the brick wall
you place between us.
sometimes I am so sure. sometimes. I have no idea. sometimes I wish...and then again I don't. sometimes I think I am strong. sometimes I am completely hopeless. sometimes I want to..and then sometimes I don't. sometimes I get caught up and I can't go back. sometimes I can't explain a fucking thing to anyone about anything
all the time. I think of everything.