(no subject)
I guess I'm stuck in a rut, but who isn't anymore? I mean I have this awkward feeling that I'm going to lose some of my friends by the end of this summer. I don;t really understand why, and it's not that I'm jealous, I just hate being left out, I don't know, I actually can't understand it. I feel like I'm in such a weird position right now, I've got these odd resurging feelings that continue to come up and I don't understand why. I never realized how many private journals I've posted, and it makes me wonder what would've happened had I said it out loud? I pretend that I'm so upfront and honest, but really I'm not. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I guess everyone goes through this. My minds in overdrive 24/7. I hate it, I want to be able to rest but I can't. I get at most 4 hours of a constant sleep in a night, I don't know. I'm running on empty and feel like I'm about to break down. I feel so confused, about everything, and literally I mean EVERYTHING. Yeah, hah, I dunno. If done things that I never thought I would, but I don't care, I mean really fuck it. I don't know, I'm just.. I'll just do anything to get a moment of relaxation, but it never comes. I want to please everyone and make everyone happy, and I know that's an unattainable goal, but I'm striving for it. I don't know, I'm so confused with head. I'm so confused with all these questions in my head, I don't even know if I want to go to England anymore, it seems so hard to get there. who knows, i'm just stuck in a weird place. I don't know, i really don't understand anything anymore. I just want things to work out, I want my friendships to be stable, i'm sick of it, please please, don't think of me as a bitch when it seems like it, just know that you're still my best friends.