Sometimes it causes me to tremble
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I really don’t feel like being here right now. Here being my workplace, but on a grander scale, Chicago.
I don’t know what the hell has happened to me in the last 5 hours or so, but shit’s getting to me in an awful way. Can’t quite put my finger on it. I’ve been staring at this screen for way too long hoping the words would course through me, but it’s a bit more like that dribble of pee that sneaks out right when you’re about to zip up. My fly is down, so to speak, but nothing’s coming. Um…yeah. I should’ve stopped at the last paragraph.
I want to scream and lament with reckless abandon. Perhaps an evening of blubbering like a schoolboy will help, but I can’t find the impetus.
I’ve decided that the next place I live I will volunteer at a retirement home and spend time with the residents. I used to do that when my grandpa, great uncle, and great grandmother were all in the same one in Ft. Wayne, and the experience was both tremendously rewarding and heartbreaking. That so many of the people there didn’t have any family or friends to visit them never failed to make me want to be that someone they could talk to and thankful for everyone I know and love. I just hope there’s someone there when I’m about to die. Oh shit, it’s starting.
I don’t know what the hell has happened to me in the last 5 hours or so, but shit’s getting to me in an awful way. Can’t quite put my finger on it. I’ve been staring at this screen for way too long hoping the words would course through me, but it’s a bit more like that dribble of pee that sneaks out right when you’re about to zip up. My fly is down, so to speak, but nothing’s coming. Um…yeah. I should’ve stopped at the last paragraph.
I want to scream and lament with reckless abandon. Perhaps an evening of blubbering like a schoolboy will help, but I can’t find the impetus.
I’ve decided that the next place I live I will volunteer at a retirement home and spend time with the residents. I used to do that when my grandpa, great uncle, and great grandmother were all in the same one in Ft. Wayne, and the experience was both tremendously rewarding and heartbreaking. That so many of the people there didn’t have any family or friends to visit them never failed to make me want to be that someone they could talk to and thankful for everyone I know and love. I just hope there’s someone there when I’m about to die. Oh shit, it’s starting.