Introspection
After many many months of not touching LJ, I just felt like writing this, and so the yellowfrown returns. I'm not sure why or what exactly precipitated my internal thought. Be warned its long, potentially depressing (although its really not supposed to be), and maybe a bit more info about my inner thoughts than you'd want to know (and perhaps more
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I never got into pot enough to have it make any sort of impact on my life. Hash brownies, on the other hand... man, that was one strange train ride.
As for alchohol, it's a slippery slope. Personal anecdote: when I came back from Europe and had no job, no friends nearer than an hour drive, I discovered that I enjoyed Vodka. At first it did help to settle my brain down, but before long it'd just keep me in my funk rather than take my mind off of things. And before I knew it, I had burned through the whole bottle. When I quit drinking so much, I ended up feeling a lot better physically and emotionally.
As far as relationships go, I've found that opportunity is not only a function of luck/fate, but also perception. If you're not in the right state of mind, you might miss out. So the first order of business is to get into a happier place yourself, and a big part of that is realizing that you don't need another person to make you feel good about yourself. I spent too many years of my life thinking that I'd be happy if I could just find that someone, but it ended up working the other way around - I had to figure out how to be happy first, then I found the someone. Working out is definitely a good way to reach that goal. Getting enough sleep, eating right, and avoiding stressful work are important too. Learning how and when to say No, and appreciating the fact that your job is not your life, helped me to no end.
I probably wouldn't have been sure of that had I not burned out early on, but your mileage may vary. It wasn't really until I hit the bottom that I could look at the situation and honestly shrug and say, "Oh well," and accept it for what it was.
You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank, you're not the car you drive, you're not the contents of your wallet, you're not your fucking khackis.
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