Introspection
After many many months of not touching LJ, I just felt like writing this, and so the yellowfrown returns. I'm not sure why or what exactly precipitated my internal thought. Be warned its long, potentially depressing (although its really not supposed to be), and maybe a bit more info about my inner thoughts than you'd want to know (and perhaps more
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School: RPI had it quarks, people really only ever seemed to congeal around either booze or hard core computer gaming. If you weren't into those, you were really left to find the one or two other people who you might have something in common with. Looking back, it is really easy to say who might have been better choices to hang out with. For me, you are totally one of those people. I really wish that I had gotten to know you more than a couple of months before you graduated. I still remember and cherish our faithful trip to Six Flags New England.
Grad School: Grad school just sucks. I really enjoyed about my first two and a half years. I really believe, much like pre-lims, qualifiers and candidacies, that it is all just a right of passage. Profs say that they had to go through this crap, so we do too. I really don't think they'd let anyone through if they hadn't broken them yet. Despite the fact that I love my advisor, I would have killed just about anyone to get out of school even a week earlier, let alone 6 months.
Boys: Ok, so gay boys suck (on the most part). It is really hard to come across someone that you think is good match for you and settling just leads to a whole 'nother set of issues. Trust me, date some of the people that I did and you'll wish that you had never met them.
Regrets: It sounds like you have a pretty healthy thought process here, that this is all about introspection rather than regretting everything. When you are down and thinking about "past choices," instead of beating yourself up, call someone. Hell, call me, I have no life beyond a job that I despise. Beating yourself up is no good, it doesn't do anything to help you and it just makes you feel worse. You shouldn't live life regretting it, but rather going out and making choices, and when you look back remember the good and try not to repeat the bad.
Alcohol/Drugs: So I think you were the only other person I knew that year at RPI who didn't drink. I will tell you flat out alcohol & pot are both depressants, if you are down these will really make you feel worse. That being said, they shouldn't be something that you are afraid of. No they aren't going to fix any problems, they definitely won't make you happy, but maybe finding that out for yourself is a good thing. If you are going to try it, be around some friends.
DC: So I know once Matt gets out here, you are more likely to come visit, but anytime you want, come out to DC.
I know that I don't have all (or possibly any of the answers), since I am in just about the same boat as you. I am just trying to share the few things that I have learned in life and let you know that you aren't alone in this.
Cedar Point: Ok, so now I just hate you. I really want to go to cedar point, except for the fact that it is in Ohio and after my last trip to Ohio, I refuse to go back.
PS I have a new cell number, and I think I emailed it to you, if not drop me an email since if I didn't email it I don't have yours.
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Same here. I think we have a lot in common, and its unfortunate we didn't get to hang out a more at RPI. Senior year was a weird transition period for me.
It was real good seeing you a few blue moons ago out here in Berkeley, even if it was just for a few hours. I'll try come and visit you in DC someday (and it has nothing to do with Matt being there), but its hard travelling on a graduate students budget. Plus anytime I head back to the NY general area, my family eats up much of that vacation.
alcohol & pot are both depressants
True, but in all fairness, depressants slow brain activity and the nervous system not make you feel depressed. Some studies show it also lower serotonin and norepinephrine levels which would make you feel worse. From observation, most people act happier while under the influence of moderate dosages.
I know that I don't have all (or possibly any of the answers), since I am in just about the same boat as you
Thats why I chose to put this in LJ and not hidden away in some private store. Hopefully we can shed some light on each others questions.
Cedar Point: Ok, so now I just hate you.
I'm sure that after my first visit, I'll be ready to plan a second one... even if it is in Ohio, it should be far enough from just about everyone that wouldn't be able to tell, or maybe thats the problem with Ohio?
PS I have a new cell number, and I think I emailed it to you
Got it... I'll try to give a call sometime this week. What hours tend to be best?
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