some languages I don't understand
Wednesday I went to a hiring to determine if I would have to pay back 900 bucks to unemployment. I sat in a very small office me and an administrative judge and a recorder. Once again the media failed to prepare me for something. The court room did not look like a court room..it was an small office!!! And the judge spoke like a machine...no, really, he made his voice sound like a recording. His questions were worded in such strange ways that by the end of it I had no idea what the truth was anymore.
I walked out of that office feeling incapable and lost. The feeling overwhelmed me so much that as soon as I left the building I had this heaving cry come out of me. The kind of crying a child does and the sound that escapes when they can't catch their breath. It came at me in waves the rest of the day. And I couldn't really explain why.
Today I received the determination and big surprise I lost. So I have to pay back the money which makes me angry.
I'm not sure how I'm ever going to get out of all this debt..credit cards, parking tickets, medical bills, and now payments to unemployment. It all feels unending and it would appear I'm not alone from what I've been reading about the economy. It's a cloudy day too...which makes me feel like things will never change.
I guess what changes is my reaction to them. Today while reading about all the doom and gloom of our economy I was also comforted to recognize that I'm not alone in this struggle. And that makes me grateful. Also despite how broke I am.. I'm really happy and in a good place in my life. Much much better than I was a year ago for sure.
Which reminds me... On May 22nd I will have been sober 1 year and in celebration I am shaving my head. This makes me so happy.. I think about the breezes my head will be catching daily.
Also, when people ask me why I'm doing it I've been saying, "I want hair that has never seen the inside of a toilet"
some people laugh..others smile... (it's been interesting to watch the reactions...)
I walked out of that office feeling incapable and lost. The feeling overwhelmed me so much that as soon as I left the building I had this heaving cry come out of me. The kind of crying a child does and the sound that escapes when they can't catch their breath. It came at me in waves the rest of the day. And I couldn't really explain why.
Today I received the determination and big surprise I lost. So I have to pay back the money which makes me angry.
I'm not sure how I'm ever going to get out of all this debt..credit cards, parking tickets, medical bills, and now payments to unemployment. It all feels unending and it would appear I'm not alone from what I've been reading about the economy. It's a cloudy day too...which makes me feel like things will never change.
I guess what changes is my reaction to them. Today while reading about all the doom and gloom of our economy I was also comforted to recognize that I'm not alone in this struggle. And that makes me grateful. Also despite how broke I am.. I'm really happy and in a good place in my life. Much much better than I was a year ago for sure.
Which reminds me... On May 22nd I will have been sober 1 year and in celebration I am shaving my head. This makes me so happy.. I think about the breezes my head will be catching daily.
Also, when people ask me why I'm doing it I've been saying, "I want hair that has never seen the inside of a toilet"
some people laugh..others smile... (it's been interesting to watch the reactions...)