Day dreams
I find myself day dreaming about each new lesbian I meet. No matter what age I still manage to finagle a fantasy. Each day I have a new lover and we live out an entire relationship within a matter of minuets. The ache is so intense that I feel like they can see what's happening inside my head. The funny part is that I feel contented by these day dreams and happy with them just as they are. I have no plans for action.
I feel all these poems swirling around my head lately, but can't seem to write any of them down. I think it's because I don't feel comfortable posting my poems on the site I use to (for fear of Sara reading them, since she also posts there). Also, I feel a bit burnt by my poetry. It being what led me to getting to know Sara. I miss reading her work, I miss my fictitious relationship with her. I miss that girl in my head who wrote those sweet beautiful words and I wonder what happened to her. Where did she go? It's like my head can't connect the dots or perhaps I'm not allowing it to. Regardless, I am grateful things have turned out as they have. I feel this amazing freedom right now. Also, I'm once again broadening my circle of friends which helps me to feel more alive. I'm finding out who I am. But, more importantly starting to remember that I have to actively help others to fill whole. There's this beautiful balance and I'm learning it, riding it, living it. As long as I keep things in focus today I really don't have all that much to worry about.
Speaking of today. I saw this sexxy lesbian I had met at a meeting today at the Bronx queer youth center... I think she has a girlfriend because she's giving off that unapproachable vibe. I'm really attracted to butches. Really. So much so that today I was second guessing shaving my head in case it would deter them from me.
I feel all these poems swirling around my head lately, but can't seem to write any of them down. I think it's because I don't feel comfortable posting my poems on the site I use to (for fear of Sara reading them, since she also posts there). Also, I feel a bit burnt by my poetry. It being what led me to getting to know Sara. I miss reading her work, I miss my fictitious relationship with her. I miss that girl in my head who wrote those sweet beautiful words and I wonder what happened to her. Where did she go? It's like my head can't connect the dots or perhaps I'm not allowing it to. Regardless, I am grateful things have turned out as they have. I feel this amazing freedom right now. Also, I'm once again broadening my circle of friends which helps me to feel more alive. I'm finding out who I am. But, more importantly starting to remember that I have to actively help others to fill whole. There's this beautiful balance and I'm learning it, riding it, living it. As long as I keep things in focus today I really don't have all that much to worry about.
Speaking of today. I saw this sexxy lesbian I had met at a meeting today at the Bronx queer youth center... I think she has a girlfriend because she's giving off that unapproachable vibe. I'm really attracted to butches. Really. So much so that today I was second guessing shaving my head in case it would deter them from me.