Wow Im a dork
Seriously... I'm the only one who would cry watching a music video... I was just watching Martina McBride's "Concrete Angel" and it made me want to cry so badly... seriously... I know I sound like a dokr, but I just don't see how people can be so cruel to kids... how you can bring someone into this world and treat them like shyt and abuse them... to have a child is such a beautiful thing, and to... wow... it just makes me sick that that's the world we live in... I wish I would win the lottery or something tomorrow, I would go adopt every child I could and give them a good life. Wow... I seriously... It makes me sick to think of people hurting their children, little defensless innocent beings... I'd adopt one now if I could... but dont get me started on that, you'll really think I'm insane unless you know me well enough (then you can ask me), I really like that part about me though... Humility & love are my saviors and my demise though...
WOW now another sappy music video... this one is a love one though, it's not necessarily THAT sad, but I'm already in a sappy mood so.. it's "Remember When" (Yes I'm watching the country channel!)...
Wow there is so much I want to just spill out in here right now since it is a "journal" but it's also a lot more public than a normal one, lol, no shit eh?
I'll be vague, that will help me open up without some of you knowing what I mean.
Sometimes I wish I could just flashforward through a few years... I have so many goals and dreams and I want to do so much but it's like I cant do any of it for some time...I mean I should just sit back and enjoy my college years, "the best years of your life" and though it can be great, all the fun is just artificial, I want more than that... I want... more. I'll leave that part there.
I mean, I'm "wise beyond my years" I've been through a lot and I don't necessarily need this wild and carefree stage in my life, because that isnt really me. Mentally I'm probably like 25-30 years old... I'm ready for different things in life. It just seems like I can never get to what I want.
I know that "Life's a journey not a destination" but thats how i lived the younger, more screwed up years of my life, closing my eyes and hoping for the future, dreaming and believing....
Now I can't seem to shake myself of that way of thinking, looking to the future, wanting something out of my reach right now, not able to relax, waiting, waiting, and waiting....
The part that I'm afraid of the most though, is what if i'm wrong... what if I get the things I honestly believe that I want, sooner, and realize that I really wasnt ready for that yet. I'm used to responsibility, wanting certain things in life, but what if I get there and realize that I really did need the "carefree time"? I dont think that's how I feel but me, being a procrastinator, cant shake the "What if's" and it scares me sometimes... I'm afraid I'm missing something either way...
Right now I feel like I have this void in me, I truly do...I may be in school and working and doing a lot, but I feel like Im not accomplishing anything, I know I am, and I AM IN NO WAY saying that I want to leave school, I love taking classes and etc... I just... I AM in a rush to get through it, to start the life I'll have when I finish....
I dont know if this makes sense to anyone, or If anyone got my hidden points in this entry...
Or if this just seems like a really confusing ramble... but *sigh* I dont know... I just dont know...
WOW now another sappy music video... this one is a love one though, it's not necessarily THAT sad, but I'm already in a sappy mood so.. it's "Remember When" (Yes I'm watching the country channel!)...
Wow there is so much I want to just spill out in here right now since it is a "journal" but it's also a lot more public than a normal one, lol, no shit eh?
I'll be vague, that will help me open up without some of you knowing what I mean.
Sometimes I wish I could just flashforward through a few years... I have so many goals and dreams and I want to do so much but it's like I cant do any of it for some time...I mean I should just sit back and enjoy my college years, "the best years of your life" and though it can be great, all the fun is just artificial, I want more than that... I want... more. I'll leave that part there.
I mean, I'm "wise beyond my years" I've been through a lot and I don't necessarily need this wild and carefree stage in my life, because that isnt really me. Mentally I'm probably like 25-30 years old... I'm ready for different things in life. It just seems like I can never get to what I want.
I know that "Life's a journey not a destination" but thats how i lived the younger, more screwed up years of my life, closing my eyes and hoping for the future, dreaming and believing....
Now I can't seem to shake myself of that way of thinking, looking to the future, wanting something out of my reach right now, not able to relax, waiting, waiting, and waiting....
The part that I'm afraid of the most though, is what if i'm wrong... what if I get the things I honestly believe that I want, sooner, and realize that I really wasnt ready for that yet. I'm used to responsibility, wanting certain things in life, but what if I get there and realize that I really did need the "carefree time"? I dont think that's how I feel but me, being a procrastinator, cant shake the "What if's" and it scares me sometimes... I'm afraid I'm missing something either way...
Right now I feel like I have this void in me, I truly do...I may be in school and working and doing a lot, but I feel like Im not accomplishing anything, I know I am, and I AM IN NO WAY saying that I want to leave school, I love taking classes and etc... I just... I AM in a rush to get through it, to start the life I'll have when I finish....
I dont know if this makes sense to anyone, or If anyone got my hidden points in this entry...
Or if this just seems like a really confusing ramble... but *sigh* I dont know... I just dont know...