for starbriteyellow
Alex Marga,
A personal Narrative.
4/19/07
I've never been a happy person, even in my old town in California. My friends don't believe me when I tell them I was a shy girl in Visalia, but it's quite true. It's actually kind of funny to think of one of the most outgoing girls in school as the blubbering idiot that hid behind her friends. I'm still the little shy girl inside, but instead of hiding behind my friends, I'm hiding behind myself. Sure, they probably have no idea where this is coming from, but do they know that I cried every night for almost a month? And that I almost killed myself a couple times? Hopefully no, because it's not a pretty tale to tell to anyone.
My freshman year was harsh. Every day I woke up in tears for the fear of dying by the end of the day. Seriously, I was utterly depressed. Sure, my friends stuck up behind me, and they did talk me through some hard times, but I wasn't too sure about where I was going to be the next day. It was honestly a tough time. So when summer came around, and I realized that Eastlake High was going to be a new experience that could potentially change my life, I dug out my brightly colored clothing and stepped inside the golden gates of a new outlook on life.
I miss my friends. I barely ever see them, even if I see them everyday. And I know they say the same about me, for they have told me before. But the good part was that in the place of their missing bodies, I put some new friends that also complete my quest for redemption. Including a boy that I will never forget.
Now if I told you he goes to Eastlake, how would you know I'm not lying? I cannot enclose too much about him, only to say that I've always wanted to get to know him. So when I caught his eye for the first time, I knew we would be friends. Immediately. And boy was a right! All of a sudden we were almost hanging out on a normal basis outside of school after a week of knowing each other, well, maybe a little bit of an exaggeration there, but it was true! We were in there like swimwear as I would say, and I wouldn't be a normal girl if I didn't admit that he was like the love of my life.
In November, he walked up to me and told me something I had never thought about before. His mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. A pretty serious case too. And it crushed him. Badly. This was my chance! To prove I wasn't shy anymore. That I could take care of my best friend in his time of need. But I didn't know how. I've never experienced anything like this before, so how was I supposed to keep him happy? In the end, he became my help more than I was his.
I will admit it, he really was my knight in shining armor, even if he tossed me down for tolo like a crumpled love note. I didn't take it as an offense, but still it crushed me like it was supposed to. But it made me grow fonder of him, as he began to act sweet and sweet-like for the next two months. Moments like that never last long, though.
March 28th. A day of silence. I told him about how I was going to sign up for it over the phone, but I had my suspicions about him. He always acted funny around me when we got into topics about love. I looked past it, hoping that it wasn't true, but alas, the day came and I grew too concerned. So I did it. I asked him.
And the questions were answered.
No wonder he never made a move on me, he didn't like me. In fact, he didn't like women at all. Punch in the face, eh boy?
I have NOTHING against him in any way. I love him to pieces. But for the days that followed, I was a nervous wreck, hiding in myself like the coward I used to be. I had this huge secret, and no one could know. Ever. Game Over. And it was killing me on the inside. Days I sat alone in school, purposely hiding from those who loved me. And I became my old freshman self again. I knew I couldn't tell him, because he would feel horrible about himself, and it would be on my concience as well. But how was I gonna get through this alive? How?
I splurged a bit and told three people who knew him. But they had secrets to keep from the world as well, so one more didn't hurt them at all. They were the ones that helped me through the past couple of weeks, until I faced my fears and told him my feelings.
Luckily, he didn't take any offence whatsoever, knowing I was just getting things out of my head. Sometimes you need that person to just listen. I know I talk a lot, but he seems to be the only person who will LISTEN rather than go "yeah... mhm... oh yeah..."
We're still friends, and although my heart is still broken in two knowing he's never gonna see me the way I used to see him. I'll always love him like a little sister (even though he already HAS one of those) and no matter what happens, we'll always be friends.
Life is looking better again, in fact in between jokes and silly games he admitted that he loved me. Not the way I had imagined 6 months ago, but almost better. And hey, my eyes are set upon someone else! And even if my friends grow suspicious, I'd never give it away
A personal Narrative.
4/19/07
I've never been a happy person, even in my old town in California. My friends don't believe me when I tell them I was a shy girl in Visalia, but it's quite true. It's actually kind of funny to think of one of the most outgoing girls in school as the blubbering idiot that hid behind her friends. I'm still the little shy girl inside, but instead of hiding behind my friends, I'm hiding behind myself. Sure, they probably have no idea where this is coming from, but do they know that I cried every night for almost a month? And that I almost killed myself a couple times? Hopefully no, because it's not a pretty tale to tell to anyone.
My freshman year was harsh. Every day I woke up in tears for the fear of dying by the end of the day. Seriously, I was utterly depressed. Sure, my friends stuck up behind me, and they did talk me through some hard times, but I wasn't too sure about where I was going to be the next day. It was honestly a tough time. So when summer came around, and I realized that Eastlake High was going to be a new experience that could potentially change my life, I dug out my brightly colored clothing and stepped inside the golden gates of a new outlook on life.
I miss my friends. I barely ever see them, even if I see them everyday. And I know they say the same about me, for they have told me before. But the good part was that in the place of their missing bodies, I put some new friends that also complete my quest for redemption. Including a boy that I will never forget.
Now if I told you he goes to Eastlake, how would you know I'm not lying? I cannot enclose too much about him, only to say that I've always wanted to get to know him. So when I caught his eye for the first time, I knew we would be friends. Immediately. And boy was a right! All of a sudden we were almost hanging out on a normal basis outside of school after a week of knowing each other, well, maybe a little bit of an exaggeration there, but it was true! We were in there like swimwear as I would say, and I wouldn't be a normal girl if I didn't admit that he was like the love of my life.
In November, he walked up to me and told me something I had never thought about before. His mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. A pretty serious case too. And it crushed him. Badly. This was my chance! To prove I wasn't shy anymore. That I could take care of my best friend in his time of need. But I didn't know how. I've never experienced anything like this before, so how was I supposed to keep him happy? In the end, he became my help more than I was his.
I will admit it, he really was my knight in shining armor, even if he tossed me down for tolo like a crumpled love note. I didn't take it as an offense, but still it crushed me like it was supposed to. But it made me grow fonder of him, as he began to act sweet and sweet-like for the next two months. Moments like that never last long, though.
March 28th. A day of silence. I told him about how I was going to sign up for it over the phone, but I had my suspicions about him. He always acted funny around me when we got into topics about love. I looked past it, hoping that it wasn't true, but alas, the day came and I grew too concerned. So I did it. I asked him.
And the questions were answered.
No wonder he never made a move on me, he didn't like me. In fact, he didn't like women at all. Punch in the face, eh boy?
I have NOTHING against him in any way. I love him to pieces. But for the days that followed, I was a nervous wreck, hiding in myself like the coward I used to be. I had this huge secret, and no one could know. Ever. Game Over. And it was killing me on the inside. Days I sat alone in school, purposely hiding from those who loved me. And I became my old freshman self again. I knew I couldn't tell him, because he would feel horrible about himself, and it would be on my concience as well. But how was I gonna get through this alive? How?
I splurged a bit and told three people who knew him. But they had secrets to keep from the world as well, so one more didn't hurt them at all. They were the ones that helped me through the past couple of weeks, until I faced my fears and told him my feelings.
Luckily, he didn't take any offence whatsoever, knowing I was just getting things out of my head. Sometimes you need that person to just listen. I know I talk a lot, but he seems to be the only person who will LISTEN rather than go "yeah... mhm... oh yeah..."
We're still friends, and although my heart is still broken in two knowing he's never gonna see me the way I used to see him. I'll always love him like a little sister (even though he already HAS one of those) and no matter what happens, we'll always be friends.
Life is looking better again, in fact in between jokes and silly games he admitted that he loved me. Not the way I had imagined 6 months ago, but almost better. And hey, my eyes are set upon someone else! And even if my friends grow suspicious, I'd never give it away