friends.
apparently, my dad still smokes. ):
since starting high school, things change. of course, people change all the time, am i right? but i guess i'm the only one that thinks that i haven't changed. i most likely have, just haven't noticed yet. and, seriously. i don't mean to push people away, but i always seem to be left out. it obviously bothers me a whole bunch. enough that i actually have to blog it out, instead of keeping it to myself. i love my friends, and they mean the whole world to me. but it's like i don't seem that much to them, you know? it's like one of them is better than i am and mean much much more to them than me. i'm the world, and they're the universe, you get me? i always think about this. whether or not i'm actually their friend, whether i mean the universe and stars to them like to me, whether or not i'm just a follower who just isn't interested in the pretty people who are fashion divas who like to go shopping and talk about clothes and hairstyles as much as them, whether i'm a total loner, whether or not they even want to hang out with me because i'm not like them. maybe because i don't hang out with them because i live too far away, because i have no money to spend so i can't go anyway, because i always ignore their conversations about ulzzangs and scene hairstyles and hair volume. whatever it may be. i'm just THERE. i don't even feel that i fit in with everyone else. i'm not always included, and it sort of hurts my feelings. nobody even calls me or even thinks about dialing my number when they're down, upset, or just need someone to talk to. i'd rather talk with myself and be one of those mental people who have imaginary friends then think about all of this. maybe i'm just getting overwhelmed. to tell the truth, it has always been like this. and i kind of thought that it would all change. i guess not, and i guess things will stay the same for however long. maybe forever and until i die. who cares. i don't. i don't really need to have people to talk to, since i rarely even talk to my bestest friends. i don't even step foot out of my house to go chill with people, and have fun like everyone else. being like this doesn't make me different from everyone else. it just means i'm an outcast. it doesn't matter to me if they read this or not. this is a blog, where i talk about my feelings. and these are my real thoughts. i can already tell that high school will play a major impact on my life. and when i get to school on monday, i will official become a total loner. +___+
i'm just waiting for igo to japan to come onto tv. then i have to study for thursday's biology quiz on cells. i hate biology. i don't have school on tuesday because it's veterans day ~ i'm not even on my period and i'm such a bitch. T____T man. i'm so screwed up.
OH YEAH, DID YOU KNOW. JOHNNY'S IS GOING TO HAVE A COMPANY IN KOREA. and, johnny's is basically the japanese sm ent, except no girls. ♥ I FREAKING LOVE KAME.
current obsessions: leeteuk, hyukjae, donghae, jaejoong, changmin, junsu, key, kyuhyun, hangeng, henry, the guy from 2AM that looks like wonjae, uverworld, Lead, w-inds., kat-tun, kame