closed-in personality.
also known as my major abnormality.
my stepmum looked at my grades again, which she has already seen and yelled at me about, and started yellling at me again. what the fuck. how many times does she need to rub in my face that i'm a fucking stupid, worthless baby? sure, i maybe live and act like shit, but i'm still human! i didn't think i needed extra credit, because i made a goal to have decent grades in my classes. that went wrong, and it's too late. don't you get it? i can't fix everything in a snap like that! why can't you understand? i'm only a teenager. i'm not even 15 ! i'm not born smart, neither do i have the brains to pass my classes. i'm not even a fucking body builder. how in the world should i get an A in physical ed.? YES, participation and dressing out counts ! if my class was like that, i'd be getting an A+ already. getting grades is also how well you do. i'm freaking fat, and i don't have muscles. you even told me that i was fat to my face! i said i was sorry, and you didn't accept it. what else do i fucking say to you? thank you, i'm happy? hell no. i'm not going to ever forget, even if you want me to. why the hell should i? because you want everything to be like a normal family? we're not EVEN normal right now ! we're way low. my mind can only take a limit of things. i'm not like jimmy neutron or something. i'm not paulina. my hands aren't great on the piano like austin. i'm not perfect, i'm not made this way. it's not my fault i'm stupid. well, partially. but you're pressuring me to be the best, and above everyone else. which i certainly cannot do. you don't watch movies? how about the parts when a parent's child commits suicide? have you ever thought that i would do that at all? would you even care? at the moment, i don't give a big fuck whether you care or not. i'd do it anyday, if it weren't for those people who actually do care about me and my feelings. if you want to let me be independent, then let me be independent! stop following me around, and checking on everything i do. i'm not THAT stupid, okay? i have my own mind, and i know how to think for myself. i cry alot, maybe all the time. doesn't mean i can't live.
i can't fucking wait until i move out of this stupid house. if i run away, will someone take me in? ):
seriously, i would not commit suicide or do anything rash, it's just how i feel. i watch too many movies T___T i really do feel that my parents hate my guts, and i always wonder why they don't kick me out. they don't care whether i cry my blood out. i just need some personal space, and alone time. i want to have a break from them.
and, i really think i should go to therapy, or something. my stepmum thinks i should, anyway. i'm assuming, anyway.
my stepmum looked at my grades again, which she has already seen and yelled at me about, and started yellling at me again. what the fuck. how many times does she need to rub in my face that i'm a fucking stupid, worthless baby? sure, i maybe live and act like shit, but i'm still human! i didn't think i needed extra credit, because i made a goal to have decent grades in my classes. that went wrong, and it's too late. don't you get it? i can't fix everything in a snap like that! why can't you understand? i'm only a teenager. i'm not even 15 ! i'm not born smart, neither do i have the brains to pass my classes. i'm not even a fucking body builder. how in the world should i get an A in physical ed.? YES, participation and dressing out counts ! if my class was like that, i'd be getting an A+ already. getting grades is also how well you do. i'm freaking fat, and i don't have muscles. you even told me that i was fat to my face! i said i was sorry, and you didn't accept it. what else do i fucking say to you? thank you, i'm happy? hell no. i'm not going to ever forget, even if you want me to. why the hell should i? because you want everything to be like a normal family? we're not EVEN normal right now ! we're way low. my mind can only take a limit of things. i'm not like jimmy neutron or something. i'm not paulina. my hands aren't great on the piano like austin. i'm not perfect, i'm not made this way. it's not my fault i'm stupid. well, partially. but you're pressuring me to be the best, and above everyone else. which i certainly cannot do. you don't watch movies? how about the parts when a parent's child commits suicide? have you ever thought that i would do that at all? would you even care? at the moment, i don't give a big fuck whether you care or not. i'd do it anyday, if it weren't for those people who actually do care about me and my feelings. if you want to let me be independent, then let me be independent! stop following me around, and checking on everything i do. i'm not THAT stupid, okay? i have my own mind, and i know how to think for myself. i cry alot, maybe all the time. doesn't mean i can't live.
i can't fucking wait until i move out of this stupid house. if i run away, will someone take me in? ):
seriously, i would not commit suicide or do anything rash, it's just how i feel. i watch too many movies T___T i really do feel that my parents hate my guts, and i always wonder why they don't kick me out. they don't care whether i cry my blood out. i just need some personal space, and alone time. i want to have a break from them.
and, i really think i should go to therapy, or something. my stepmum thinks i should, anyway. i'm assuming, anyway.