(no subject)
lost in this universe (l-centric, l/jiae!siblings, l/woori) PG-13. 1,260words
a/n: so... i wrote this just because i want to make my dream come true. how pity i am /sobs. and again, sorry for broken!engrish and fail!story
#1
It’s mid December, the month fills with hope and love under falling snowflakes. Myungsoo finds himself in the midst of happiness, when his dream has been granted before Christmas arrives.
The company announces that they-he and six other trainees-will debut next year. They’re all happy, but still he’s the quietest even when Howon and Dongwoo start to screaming some irrational things.
But it’s not too long until the boss calls him again and tells that he gets part in a new drama. Although the role is small and not that important, he agrees and nods quickly before joining the others for a party tonight.
A few days later, everyone can see him with a completely different personality. He keeps smiling, and once in three hours he will remind Sungyeol and the others about his new drama until they get bored, and sometimes Woohyun complains 'no, this isn’t Myungsoo. Myungsoo never talks this much, smiles this much' and he can do nothing but smiles wider.
He always works hard and always waits from day to day when he’ll appear on the television screen so he can call his family and-after all-they will be proud of their oldest son.
But that day never comes.
In the last day of filming, he asks the crew what happened and they just smile-a sad smile-and shake their heads, 'forgive us, because they cut all of your part-'
He even doesn’t want to know why, so after that he just replies them with a smile that never reaches the glint of his eyes and nods, gives them cue that he understands, though he doesn’t.
He has paid, but it still doesn’t make his smile comes. Sungyeol cheers him 'calm down, failure is the beginning of a success', it doesn’t change anything but he realizes that he has failed.
He's fine, of course. He doesn’t cry. He’s not angry. But that doesn’t mean he’s happy. He just feels empty and unsafe. Because in the end nothing’s left except lies and unfinished dreams.
#2
Jiae is sometimes annoying and sometimes kind, Myungsoo thinks like that because she’s his precious little sister, even though it’s just fake.
It's funny how he always hates falsity and this time he really likes it.
They become closer. They eat together and tease each other. They will laugh at their own stupidity and they’re happy. They sleep side by side and holding hands one with another, so that even in the dreams they know they’re safe because they’re together.
Once, at night, when he’s the only one who can’t sleep, he sneaks out from his six brothers and crawls into the room to pick up some comics. And that idea slowly disappears from his mind when Jiae suddenly holds his hand.
"We'll always be like this, right?" Jiae speaks. It sounds like a delirium than a question, but he knows she's conscious.
"What do you mean?"
"Family," Jiae’s voice smooth and thin in the air, but he can hear it clearly. "We're still going to be family, right?"
He smiles, he doesn’t mind even the room is too dark to show it. "Yes, of course. No matter what happens. "
Jiae giggles, tired but happy, "I know."
"Now, go to sleep. Good night."He strokes her long wavy hair before he goes out of the room.
And two days after that, Jiae leaves.
Sungyeol cries first when they see Jiae’s video. While Myungsoo doesn’t talk that much, doesn’t even move from his seat, but he lets his tears fall just like that and tries to smile.
He's just a sculpture with a perfect face and a broken heart, though he wishes he doesn’t have both.
That's it, that's all Jiae leaves for him: memories.
(When Jiae comes to their dorm for the first time, there's something comes together with her, but Myungsoo doesn’t know what’s that.
And when she's gone-all of a sudden, just like when she came-there’s something that also leaves with her, and Myungsoo will never know what is it.)
#3
"My manager told me that," Woori takes more air this time, but it’s still not enough, because she still feels all the same, " the company already knew. And they don’t like it. They’ll kill me soon, maybe, haha."
"Same with me." Myungsoo smiles, but everyone can see that smile is too imitative. "This is weird, we have a lot of similarities."
Both of them stand in the opposite corner, equally lower their heads so they don’t have to see each other in the eyes.
"What should we do now?"
Really, he doesn’t know what to do now. But he forces himself, "I think we must end this."
He always lies, and after all, almost everyone in this world often to lies. He doesn’t know if he’s happy or not. All he knows just he always feels hurt. But it's better, he thought, than not feel anything. At least it makes him realizes that he’s alive, he's still breathing.
"I hope we don’t," she mumbles under her breath.
Woori doesn’t cry, her voice doesn’t tremble, her body isn’t limp, she’s fine though he knows she’s only pretending.
Because that’s their job, their world, place where peoples have to smile and feel happy to entertain thousand humans who watch them everday, so in the real life, they used to do it.
"But we have to, because it seems no one wants us together."
Myungsoo just knows this never works-they both, as couples, even as friends. Not in this rough world. Not with their management, their fans, netizens, with the rest of Korea.
"But, Woori," Myungsoo checks, "it doesn’t mean i don’t love you anymore."
She smiles and walks closer to him. "I know. Because I feel the same. "
He takes her hand and their fingers lock. He feels nothing has changed since the last time he touched hers, but this will be the last.
"So this is how we say goodbye?"
"...yes-maybe."
"Will you miss me?"
"Do i have to answer this?"
Woori laughs, light and fluffy, Myungsoo’s favorite. He doesn’t want to do anything today except hears that laugh constantly. "You really are Myungsoo."
"And you’re Woori." But not his anymore.
"And you haven’t answer my question."
He snorts, "You know I will." I'm sure if I saw you somewhere ten years down the road, my heart Would still speed up a bit. But Myungsoo isn’t the type that says some romantic quotes, so he doesn’t do anything then.
Woori takes a deep breath and smiles-really, happy smile, "Good. Oh, and, Myungsoo..."
"Hhmm?"
"Nothing. It's just, be happy."
“You too.”
After that, she removes her hand from his. After that, she leaves him alone-in a deeper mean. After that, he tries to smile more. After that, he tries to be happy. After that, they live their own lives. After that, not many tears coming out.
But he still feels part of his heart is lost.
(#4
"It's time." The leader smiles, looks at the six members carefully. From one to another, from top to bottom.
Shouting fans. Wide stage. Spotlight. Cold microphone. Camera. Debut.
"You guys ready?"
They'll be fine out there later, because they’re one and infinite.
They put their hands in the center. Myungsoo’s hand is on the top, and he can feel Sungjong’s soft and warm hand with his palms.
Myungsoo closes his eyes, then sighs deeply, before screaming with his six brothers, "Yes! We’re ready! "
Although he knows he’s not.)
Edited 5th June 2011.
Notes: If you wonder why did i write #1 and you have no idea, you should know if Myungsoo has really passed that time before debut. He won the casting to play in God Of Study (KBS Drama 2010, starring Yoo Seungho and Jiyeon T-ara) but all of his parts has cutted. For more information, here. Good, now i think i already hate that drama :/