Long and Short, Big and Small.
So...
I've not really been keeping up with this here thing, not just LiveJournalling, but really letting things out of my head in some sort of significant way that makes me feel connected to the universe or just exorcising whatever madness lies underneath my haggard exterior. So let's do this...
Biggest personal news: I finally earned me my RN license:
While I'm thankful for all the congratulations I have received on the achievement from the FBverse, I don't really feel like I've earned it, and when I give the details of why I feel that way, it sounds like bragging, but it really isn't, and I'm trying in vain to convince those people who feel vicarious pride to not feel that way at all, bless their little hearts.
Nursing school was a bitch overall, I will make no exaggerations or statements to the contrary. Could I have worked harder at it? Of course I could have. Many others did put in quite a bit of effort and have been resoundingly rewarded for their efforts. Most of the people I know from class have passed the exam. Actually I just looked online at our pass rate and out of a class of 30, 80% have passed, which is interesting. Anyhow, there was a lot to know and to do throughout the year I was in the program (two years for the fresh-faced nurses), though I always had the feeling that I was behind, mostly in the arena of theoretical/practical knowledge, which I put to my relative lack of non-nursing home experience and lack of active curiosity. Despite all that, and a significant hiccough which could have seen me to repeat an entire semester, I did pass my program, and was diligently answering practice questions I bought via ATI (the standard in basic and rudimentary nursing school NCLEX test preparation) on my iPhone daily for about a month after school ended.
Eventually, real life took hold and I was working many, many days. Granted, this is a regular schedule, but I dunno, for me, I take my work fairly seriously and take pride in my efforts, even if my situation is bad or detrimental to me. I aim for a sense of personal accomplishment in my own context, and when it is your job to care for 8+ hours a day, it can wear you down, not only carrying out tasks, but to actively put other people before yourself. I freely admit that helping people and doing manipulative tasks fits my nature, but it still can get tiring, especially physically, and especially given my shift (nights). Add to the mix that most people I hang out with do their shit in the daytime/evening, and I end up putting work first most of the time, making me a virtual shut-in.
Sorry, getting off-topic... So despite having my test questions ready to go on my iPhone (over 1500 questions to test myself), three study books (Kaplan, Saunders, and something I got when I tried to do on-line school a few years back), and the opportunity to go through more questions online through Kaplan, I pretty much dropped studying almost entirely from around August to when I finally took the test near the end of Coctober. I'm not sure what else I was doing apart from working and wasting time playing The Secret World.
In fact, I've been playing so much TSW that it was the thing I was doing instead of studying the night before my exam. I stayed up until 2am or so the early morning of my exam. And actually, leading up to the exam date, I moronically agreed to work a consecutive 11-nights leaving two nights free before the exam date. I had all sorts of notions of how I was going to study in those two weeks or so, and even those nights off, but I was so doggone tired, just so drained, and I could do little of import, of significance IRL. This is one big reason that I stayed away from gaming for the duration of nursing school, because I know how easy it is to get into it and immersed so fully that nothing else matters. Sometimes I wonder how I'm even able to make it into work, though I think it's just my innate need for variety, however often I have to prise myself away from the computer to get out there.
So yeah, I went to the Pearson for an 8am test time, driving Eastward to the testing center in San Dimas, into the sunrise, with Michael Spyres' rendition of Che gelida manina helping to relax my controlled nerves as I drove to a very uncertain fate. Though I neglected to get a proper amount of sleep, I did make sure to give myself enough time to shower, help myself to two servings of oatmeal and some green tea, and enough time to drive without needing to speed. Though I did have some anxiety about the test, overall I genuinely was apathetic about and throughout the entire testing process. I had rational fears and worries, but nothing physiological to match what was going through my mind: I think I was just that tired. So all I did was read through each question slowly, took my time, not really changing many answers after first guesses as a result. I even took a few moments to air out my hair, adjust myself in my chair and even put my head down for a spell. I don't think I could have been more relaxed about the whole thing unless I'd gotten high beforehand.
Even after I finished the test, I had no concept of how well or how badly I did. When people asked me, that's just what I told them. I know that's basically a non-answer in a binary scale, but I just didn't have any impression. The mix of questions I got was pretty thorough, and the individually-adaptive nature of the exam means that no two tests are alike, so asking anyone to give you advice is pretty much meaningless, though in my case, having worked as a floor nurse for 6+ years meant that I was more familiar with questions regarding medications. It took me two hours to get through 120 questions. You're given about 6 hours to get through hundreds of questions potentially, but few people have to get to either maximum value before either passing or failing. Many people manage to pass after answering the minimum number of questions which is either 75 or 85, I can't remember exactly. And you're not told what you missed or got right, so even if I answered what I thought was an easy question incorrectly, I'll never know.
But I managed to pass. One of my friends was curious enough to check for my on California's Board of Registered Nursing website to show me the result, though I was incredulous about the information, though I allowed to let my incredulity subside once I got the actual license-card-thingee in the mail not soon afterward. So before I blather on too much, that's that.
Other big news: my mom sustained a pretty bad fall at work one night and broke her right forearm in two places. It happened to be one of the nights I was off, and so I was able to stay with her in the ER for the 5 hours it took before she was properly admitted to the floor. I mostly just hung out with her, trying to keep her comfortable and warm, showing her kitty vids from YouTube on my iPhone occasionally (this is by far one of my most favorite recent vids). Later that morning, when I was sleeping, she underwent surgery, got a few pins to repair her ulna, and a plate to repair her radius. Though her arm is doing as well as could be expected, especially with some nerve damage that will take a while to heal, she weirdly acquired sudden hearing loss in her left ear. Total wipeout of sound. Her right ear's been going bad for a while and I've kept bitching at her to get a hearing aid for it, but since she was able to get by with just one ear, she neglected my advice.
With her left ear shot, without the use of hearing devices, she's effectively deaf, so for the past few weeks, we've had to communicate with her via whiteboard, which is only sort of frustrating. Needless to say, she's been off of work and has been growing progressively more stir crazy as a result. It's been a chore ferretting her to her various appointments (orthropaedic, hearing, EENT, primary doctor) and dealing with the insurance/workers' compensatory stuff, though blessedly it's been more appointments than insurance, which is mostly just accompanying her and driving her around with lots of waiting.
She saw the orthropaedic surgeon again today who told her her arm's doing well enough that she could go back to work so long as she doesn't lift anything with her right arm. We ordered her a pair of hearing aids from the same medical plaza as where her ortho surgeon is and they should be coming in soon. While we were getting her hearing tested, there was a part where I was able to talk with her and she could actually hear me. I know that she's not been deaf for very long, but just having that normal conversation without the need to write shit down was a bit overwhelming for me, but in a positive way, almost like a true gift, and I'll admit that I got a bit teary-eyed at the exchange. My dad had been pushing her to get these mail-order cheapo hearing aids, and my oldest sister and I got her Starkey brand hearing aids instead. Dealing with my dad's obsessive need to go on the cheap for anything and everything is a chronic problem that we've all slowly been trying to mitigate, though he thankfully has conceded that in this case, we can splurge a bit, even though it's like $2k per ear, a price I'm more than willing to pay out of my own damn pocket if need be.
Living with your supervisor, especially when your supervisor's out of commission, but still needs to be consulted means that I'm effectively an assistant supervisor, as I have to be a go-between between her and whatever administration and/or personnel that needs her counsel or advice. Thankfully that only takes a little time here and there, but it does take time, the added factor of having to whiteboard stuff adding to the mix. I'm getting used to it, but I still feel like my own time and psychic energy is being sucked away and that running away is an ever-more attractive option.
Also work has been on my ass about being chronically late, so I've been trying to deal with that shit, though it does feel nice to have that bit of extra time when I do finally manage to be there somewhat on time, but it's still kind of a pain in the ass to be told what to do, even if it's the professional thing to do. I just think to myself, I do enough for you bitches, is your little time-sheet that goddamned important?
I've said it time and again, kids: adult life sucks.
I've not really been keeping up with this here thing, not just LiveJournalling, but really letting things out of my head in some sort of significant way that makes me feel connected to the universe or just exorcising whatever madness lies underneath my haggard exterior. So let's do this...
Biggest personal news: I finally earned me my RN license:
While I'm thankful for all the congratulations I have received on the achievement from the FBverse, I don't really feel like I've earned it, and when I give the details of why I feel that way, it sounds like bragging, but it really isn't, and I'm trying in vain to convince those people who feel vicarious pride to not feel that way at all, bless their little hearts.
Nursing school was a bitch overall, I will make no exaggerations or statements to the contrary. Could I have worked harder at it? Of course I could have. Many others did put in quite a bit of effort and have been resoundingly rewarded for their efforts. Most of the people I know from class have passed the exam. Actually I just looked online at our pass rate and out of a class of 30, 80% have passed, which is interesting. Anyhow, there was a lot to know and to do throughout the year I was in the program (two years for the fresh-faced nurses), though I always had the feeling that I was behind, mostly in the arena of theoretical/practical knowledge, which I put to my relative lack of non-nursing home experience and lack of active curiosity. Despite all that, and a significant hiccough which could have seen me to repeat an entire semester, I did pass my program, and was diligently answering practice questions I bought via ATI (the standard in basic and rudimentary nursing school NCLEX test preparation) on my iPhone daily for about a month after school ended.
Eventually, real life took hold and I was working many, many days. Granted, this is a regular schedule, but I dunno, for me, I take my work fairly seriously and take pride in my efforts, even if my situation is bad or detrimental to me. I aim for a sense of personal accomplishment in my own context, and when it is your job to care for 8+ hours a day, it can wear you down, not only carrying out tasks, but to actively put other people before yourself. I freely admit that helping people and doing manipulative tasks fits my nature, but it still can get tiring, especially physically, and especially given my shift (nights). Add to the mix that most people I hang out with do their shit in the daytime/evening, and I end up putting work first most of the time, making me a virtual shut-in.
Sorry, getting off-topic... So despite having my test questions ready to go on my iPhone (over 1500 questions to test myself), three study books (Kaplan, Saunders, and something I got when I tried to do on-line school a few years back), and the opportunity to go through more questions online through Kaplan, I pretty much dropped studying almost entirely from around August to when I finally took the test near the end of Coctober. I'm not sure what else I was doing apart from working and wasting time playing The Secret World.
In fact, I've been playing so much TSW that it was the thing I was doing instead of studying the night before my exam. I stayed up until 2am or so the early morning of my exam. And actually, leading up to the exam date, I moronically agreed to work a consecutive 11-nights leaving two nights free before the exam date. I had all sorts of notions of how I was going to study in those two weeks or so, and even those nights off, but I was so doggone tired, just so drained, and I could do little of import, of significance IRL. This is one big reason that I stayed away from gaming for the duration of nursing school, because I know how easy it is to get into it and immersed so fully that nothing else matters. Sometimes I wonder how I'm even able to make it into work, though I think it's just my innate need for variety, however often I have to prise myself away from the computer to get out there.
So yeah, I went to the Pearson for an 8am test time, driving Eastward to the testing center in San Dimas, into the sunrise, with Michael Spyres' rendition of Che gelida manina helping to relax my controlled nerves as I drove to a very uncertain fate. Though I neglected to get a proper amount of sleep, I did make sure to give myself enough time to shower, help myself to two servings of oatmeal and some green tea, and enough time to drive without needing to speed. Though I did have some anxiety about the test, overall I genuinely was apathetic about and throughout the entire testing process. I had rational fears and worries, but nothing physiological to match what was going through my mind: I think I was just that tired. So all I did was read through each question slowly, took my time, not really changing many answers after first guesses as a result. I even took a few moments to air out my hair, adjust myself in my chair and even put my head down for a spell. I don't think I could have been more relaxed about the whole thing unless I'd gotten high beforehand.
Even after I finished the test, I had no concept of how well or how badly I did. When people asked me, that's just what I told them. I know that's basically a non-answer in a binary scale, but I just didn't have any impression. The mix of questions I got was pretty thorough, and the individually-adaptive nature of the exam means that no two tests are alike, so asking anyone to give you advice is pretty much meaningless, though in my case, having worked as a floor nurse for 6+ years meant that I was more familiar with questions regarding medications. It took me two hours to get through 120 questions. You're given about 6 hours to get through hundreds of questions potentially, but few people have to get to either maximum value before either passing or failing. Many people manage to pass after answering the minimum number of questions which is either 75 or 85, I can't remember exactly. And you're not told what you missed or got right, so even if I answered what I thought was an easy question incorrectly, I'll never know.
But I managed to pass. One of my friends was curious enough to check for my on California's Board of Registered Nursing website to show me the result, though I was incredulous about the information, though I allowed to let my incredulity subside once I got the actual license-card-thingee in the mail not soon afterward. So before I blather on too much, that's that.
Other big news: my mom sustained a pretty bad fall at work one night and broke her right forearm in two places. It happened to be one of the nights I was off, and so I was able to stay with her in the ER for the 5 hours it took before she was properly admitted to the floor. I mostly just hung out with her, trying to keep her comfortable and warm, showing her kitty vids from YouTube on my iPhone occasionally (this is by far one of my most favorite recent vids). Later that morning, when I was sleeping, she underwent surgery, got a few pins to repair her ulna, and a plate to repair her radius. Though her arm is doing as well as could be expected, especially with some nerve damage that will take a while to heal, she weirdly acquired sudden hearing loss in her left ear. Total wipeout of sound. Her right ear's been going bad for a while and I've kept bitching at her to get a hearing aid for it, but since she was able to get by with just one ear, she neglected my advice.
With her left ear shot, without the use of hearing devices, she's effectively deaf, so for the past few weeks, we've had to communicate with her via whiteboard, which is only sort of frustrating. Needless to say, she's been off of work and has been growing progressively more stir crazy as a result. It's been a chore ferretting her to her various appointments (orthropaedic, hearing, EENT, primary doctor) and dealing with the insurance/workers' compensatory stuff, though blessedly it's been more appointments than insurance, which is mostly just accompanying her and driving her around with lots of waiting.
She saw the orthropaedic surgeon again today who told her her arm's doing well enough that she could go back to work so long as she doesn't lift anything with her right arm. We ordered her a pair of hearing aids from the same medical plaza as where her ortho surgeon is and they should be coming in soon. While we were getting her hearing tested, there was a part where I was able to talk with her and she could actually hear me. I know that she's not been deaf for very long, but just having that normal conversation without the need to write shit down was a bit overwhelming for me, but in a positive way, almost like a true gift, and I'll admit that I got a bit teary-eyed at the exchange. My dad had been pushing her to get these mail-order cheapo hearing aids, and my oldest sister and I got her Starkey brand hearing aids instead. Dealing with my dad's obsessive need to go on the cheap for anything and everything is a chronic problem that we've all slowly been trying to mitigate, though he thankfully has conceded that in this case, we can splurge a bit, even though it's like $2k per ear, a price I'm more than willing to pay out of my own damn pocket if need be.
Living with your supervisor, especially when your supervisor's out of commission, but still needs to be consulted means that I'm effectively an assistant supervisor, as I have to be a go-between between her and whatever administration and/or personnel that needs her counsel or advice. Thankfully that only takes a little time here and there, but it does take time, the added factor of having to whiteboard stuff adding to the mix. I'm getting used to it, but I still feel like my own time and psychic energy is being sucked away and that running away is an ever-more attractive option.
Also work has been on my ass about being chronically late, so I've been trying to deal with that shit, though it does feel nice to have that bit of extra time when I do finally manage to be there somewhat on time, but it's still kind of a pain in the ass to be told what to do, even if it's the professional thing to do. I just think to myself, I do enough for you bitches, is your little time-sheet that goddamned important?
I've said it time and again, kids: adult life sucks.