Addendum
As I was typing my last entry, I got sidetracked and forgot to make a personally pertinent point, which was just as well since my free time was pretty limited last night.
So the gist of my incoherent rambling was that sometimes you don't mention something you're doing because you don't want to disappoint the people you've informed if that thing doesn't come up roses.
For myself, while I do have that irrational fear of failure which manifests itself in eventful silence, my perturbations extend beyond fear of disappointing to actually dreading any encouragement I do receive. When people expect me to succeed, a very strange part of me wants to rebel against that expectation, and another weird part of me suddenly perceives an inordinate amount of external pressure as a result of outside encouragement. Okay, I better explain the first part before I go further. I'm very good at doing what I'm not supposed to do, and being really good at that. It goes from the laudable going beyond what I need to do in order to achieve a positive-plus outcome, usually related to doing something service-oriented, to the very non-laudable dashing hopes and expectations of what I ought to be doing, usually something responsible-related. When people expect me to do something well, all of the sudden that thing I'm going is not a personal achievement, it's something I'm doing for someone else, and that notion just disturbs me, and highly irrationally so. So that stupid part of my brain is like, oh yeah, you think I'll do well? Well watch this! which believe me, I realize is insane, but fortunately I don't always act out on this little axon of self-destructiveness.
One of my almost 100% reliable characteristics is that I can keep a cool head in times of pressure, sometimes this calm unfortunately manifests as a dispassionate response rather than cool, calm, and collected, but most of the time, I can deal. I've sat through countless test and exams where my mind was racing at near the speed of light seemingly fruitlessly when suddenly a bit of brilliance shoots in out of nowhere and I'm able to sail through to great victory. Such travails are my own, private struggle. When I'm pressured externally, however, it's like receiving external praise: I act counter-intuitively and I more or less break down and fail to function, let alone earn success. So same potentially disastrous result, different motivations and means.
So yeah, that's what I meant to inject into that other blob of blather :P
So the gist of my incoherent rambling was that sometimes you don't mention something you're doing because you don't want to disappoint the people you've informed if that thing doesn't come up roses.
For myself, while I do have that irrational fear of failure which manifests itself in eventful silence, my perturbations extend beyond fear of disappointing to actually dreading any encouragement I do receive. When people expect me to succeed, a very strange part of me wants to rebel against that expectation, and another weird part of me suddenly perceives an inordinate amount of external pressure as a result of outside encouragement. Okay, I better explain the first part before I go further. I'm very good at doing what I'm not supposed to do, and being really good at that. It goes from the laudable going beyond what I need to do in order to achieve a positive-plus outcome, usually related to doing something service-oriented, to the very non-laudable dashing hopes and expectations of what I ought to be doing, usually something responsible-related. When people expect me to do something well, all of the sudden that thing I'm going is not a personal achievement, it's something I'm doing for someone else, and that notion just disturbs me, and highly irrationally so. So that stupid part of my brain is like, oh yeah, you think I'll do well? Well watch this! which believe me, I realize is insane, but fortunately I don't always act out on this little axon of self-destructiveness.
One of my almost 100% reliable characteristics is that I can keep a cool head in times of pressure, sometimes this calm unfortunately manifests as a dispassionate response rather than cool, calm, and collected, but most of the time, I can deal. I've sat through countless test and exams where my mind was racing at near the speed of light seemingly fruitlessly when suddenly a bit of brilliance shoots in out of nowhere and I'm able to sail through to great victory. Such travails are my own, private struggle. When I'm pressured externally, however, it's like receiving external praise: I act counter-intuitively and I more or less break down and fail to function, let alone earn success. So same potentially disastrous result, different motivations and means.
So yeah, that's what I meant to inject into that other blob of blather :P