The greatest thing you'll ever learn...
The greatest thing you'll never learn is just to love and be loved in return. If there is a God in Heaven, you will learn it. You just are hoping it won't happen. You don't want to love and be loved in return. You want to be left alone to wallow in your own self-pity. You can't even be happy for your best friend. You are, but not as much as you should be. You cannot help but be at least a little bit jealous of her, because she has what you want but are too much of a coward to let yourself have.
Ramblings.
Love is like breathing, you take it in and let it out. Except you refuse to do either. You allow the abuse you suffered 18 years ago to dictate who you are now and who you will be and what you have been. You feel like it's your fault. You know that it isn't, but cannot help but feel responsible. If you had just screamed or fought back or done something, instead of freezing and immediately blocking it out (an effect that lasted longer than it should have), you might have stopped it. It might not have happened. You could have prevented a lifetime of pain, reluctance, terror, untrust, betrayal, unwillingness, and heartbreak.
No, you couldn't have prevented it. You were destined to this. You didn't ask for it, but it was given to you, and you have to deal with it.
And it will hurt. More than anything you could possibly imagine. It will hurt more than the abuse did. But you won't let this be your whole life. You deserve love. You deserve more than this world has to offer you.
Remember the truth that once was spoken: to love another person is to see the face of God.
You will prevail. You have no other option.
Have faith.
Ramblings.
Love is like breathing, you take it in and let it out. Except you refuse to do either. You allow the abuse you suffered 18 years ago to dictate who you are now and who you will be and what you have been. You feel like it's your fault. You know that it isn't, but cannot help but feel responsible. If you had just screamed or fought back or done something, instead of freezing and immediately blocking it out (an effect that lasted longer than it should have), you might have stopped it. It might not have happened. You could have prevented a lifetime of pain, reluctance, terror, untrust, betrayal, unwillingness, and heartbreak.
No, you couldn't have prevented it. You were destined to this. You didn't ask for it, but it was given to you, and you have to deal with it.
And it will hurt. More than anything you could possibly imagine. It will hurt more than the abuse did. But you won't let this be your whole life. You deserve love. You deserve more than this world has to offer you.
Remember the truth that once was spoken: to love another person is to see the face of God.
You will prevail. You have no other option.
Have faith.