Phantasmagorical Piss-Up
Well, I was made to feel like a right prat this morning.
See, everything was all fine and happy and stuff yesterday, we moved stuff from James' place to mine and he's all moved in or whatever for the month, last night he was having fun playing Syphon Filter: Omega Strain online with Kit, and we went to bed and everything was cool.
Then this morning comes. I woke up thirsty so I had a sip of my juice and he asked what time it was. 6:42AM. The alarm was set to go at 7:30, so he had plenty of time. I settled back in to doze, and I assumed he did the same for a bit. Whatever, cool. I noticed he put off a lot of effort not to touch me at all. If my leg or back touched him even accidentally he'd shift away further. The hell? Whatever. Then suddenly he gets up, gets dressed and all, and grabs his bag and jacket and just goes to leave. He does this all in a very angry sort of way, so I ask what's wrong, no reply. He just goes 'See you later' in this really nasty tone, and I asked him if I could have a hug before he goes. He doesn't look at me, and hasn't the entire time, and just goes "No." And leaves.
I turned on my heel and went back to my room. I felt like a right fucking prat.
What had I done? Why was I being subjected to such a nasty mood? This wasn't the first time I had felt this way. I'd taken it multiple times before, and just let it destroy my mood and my whole entire day. I had let it make me sad and feel hurt. I decided that I wasn't going to take that today, so instead of feeling hurt, I got angry instead. He has no right to be an asshole to me like that. If he didn't sleep well, that isn't my fault. It's no excuse to be a complete bastard to me in the morning. I don't have a job still - Little did he know I left to go check back at a few places a while after he left. It's not like I'm doing jack. I've been looking through the paper, I've plans to write a cover letter and get it printed off and go over to Bolen's Books. He shouldn't be mad at me for that, either.
Maybe this whole 'moving out' thing has made him a little bummed about leaving his dad's. That's still no excuse to take it out on me. No reason for him to be so inconsiderate.
Every single time he's had a bad day, I take the brunt of it. He's cold, shuns me, ignores me, makes me feel like worthless trash... It's not the first time he's done crap akin to this to me.
I'm not talking about when he's an asshole and just jokes about, there's a difference between a joking asshole and just a fucking prick. I'm not calling him these names, I'm just using them in comparison... There's also a difference between someone being a bastard, and someone who just IS a bastard.
I'm going to ask him what the hell was up with him this morning. For the first time I'm going to take a bit of a stand and defend my feelings.
I don't want to be angsty about it - I don't want to be rude. All my anger (Which I suppose, derives from hurt) has basically just been spent.
Yeah. I think the problem would basically just be solved if he said he was sorry.
"I'm sorry." That's not a lot to ask for.
But he never says he's sorry.
Fuck, I need a walk.
See, everything was all fine and happy and stuff yesterday, we moved stuff from James' place to mine and he's all moved in or whatever for the month, last night he was having fun playing Syphon Filter: Omega Strain online with Kit, and we went to bed and everything was cool.
Then this morning comes. I woke up thirsty so I had a sip of my juice and he asked what time it was. 6:42AM. The alarm was set to go at 7:30, so he had plenty of time. I settled back in to doze, and I assumed he did the same for a bit. Whatever, cool. I noticed he put off a lot of effort not to touch me at all. If my leg or back touched him even accidentally he'd shift away further. The hell? Whatever. Then suddenly he gets up, gets dressed and all, and grabs his bag and jacket and just goes to leave. He does this all in a very angry sort of way, so I ask what's wrong, no reply. He just goes 'See you later' in this really nasty tone, and I asked him if I could have a hug before he goes. He doesn't look at me, and hasn't the entire time, and just goes "No." And leaves.
I turned on my heel and went back to my room. I felt like a right fucking prat.
What had I done? Why was I being subjected to such a nasty mood? This wasn't the first time I had felt this way. I'd taken it multiple times before, and just let it destroy my mood and my whole entire day. I had let it make me sad and feel hurt. I decided that I wasn't going to take that today, so instead of feeling hurt, I got angry instead. He has no right to be an asshole to me like that. If he didn't sleep well, that isn't my fault. It's no excuse to be a complete bastard to me in the morning. I don't have a job still - Little did he know I left to go check back at a few places a while after he left. It's not like I'm doing jack. I've been looking through the paper, I've plans to write a cover letter and get it printed off and go over to Bolen's Books. He shouldn't be mad at me for that, either.
Maybe this whole 'moving out' thing has made him a little bummed about leaving his dad's. That's still no excuse to take it out on me. No reason for him to be so inconsiderate.
Every single time he's had a bad day, I take the brunt of it. He's cold, shuns me, ignores me, makes me feel like worthless trash... It's not the first time he's done crap akin to this to me.
I'm not talking about when he's an asshole and just jokes about, there's a difference between a joking asshole and just a fucking prick. I'm not calling him these names, I'm just using them in comparison... There's also a difference between someone being a bastard, and someone who just IS a bastard.
I'm going to ask him what the hell was up with him this morning. For the first time I'm going to take a bit of a stand and defend my feelings.
I don't want to be angsty about it - I don't want to be rude. All my anger (Which I suppose, derives from hurt) has basically just been spent.
Yeah. I think the problem would basically just be solved if he said he was sorry.
"I'm sorry." That's not a lot to ask for.
But he never says he's sorry.
Fuck, I need a walk.