I Could Cry Today...
Well today was just one of those days.....me and chris got in a bit of an argument last nite.....if u dont know dont ask but i didnt sleep at all last nite.....I think i may have cried for like 2 or 3 hrs straight.....I was kinda out of it! Its just shit....somethin that has bothered me for a while but i never said anything...and him and his friends were talkin/jokin about it last nite and it was kinda a cataylst.... i guess i never realized how much it bothered me til i gave in to the anger. hes a good guy....but hes a better person than that, he really is. I just have very strong views on this subject...its repulsive and pathetic. It has a slight effect on the respect i have for that person...i guess i thought if chris was happy in our relationship he would need this. but i guess its a guy thing...and yes it is porn is u havent figured it out. I have very strong views on sex....im still a virgin and quite proud of it...out of the 100 gurls in my senior class....5 are still virgins. Thats kinda sad. I know its just a guy thing and i should just accept hes horny all the time but...its degrading. Sex was not meant to be taped and sold for other ppls horny enjoyment. I man he told me today that its a bad habit and he just uses it when hes stressed....bullshit. But why cant he talk to his girlfriend if hes had that bad of a bad and not have to resort to that shit...i just dont get it. I guess i kinda feel that he must be missin somethin in our relationship...either he isnt gettin what he wants or that im not as good as he wants...i duno. I think porn reflects s persons views on sex...ive noticed that in ppl im in school with its a 40/60 percetn....the ones like me that dont believe in it have very strong views on sex. That its meant for one person and one person alone, not to be taped and sold. And the ones who do watch it are the ones taht only care about gettin off. They cant control themseleves. My whole philosophy is that it should be with one person...and i feel like chris is disrespecting my views on sex by always havin it on the computer or tellin me he got bored that nite so he deicde to watch some porn. Like i said it seems to reflect that persons view on sex...whether or not it means something to them. I really dont care if he watchs it i guess but i dont want to know....i feel disrespected bc hes acts like its a normal thing. Somethin u shouldnt give a second thought. He always told that it was never his when i found it on the laptop....he should have at least owned up to it. Chris has alwasy told me that he respects my decision on sex and yes its hard at times....most of the time...bc lets face it....the boy is Good! lolol He really is! And i know he'll ben goin without sex for like 5 or 6 yrs...but he said that he deiced 2 yrs ago to not have sex til he was actually with the person he was in love with. But then he goes and indulges in the porn collection....it just kinda hurts... I just feel that he isnt happy if hes still enjoyin porn. And i know every guy does it....just like gettin off but it hurts. Hes a great guy and much better than that. Hes a big perv...its so cute....but its with me. With that....hes a big perv....a true pervert....watchin chicks with blonde hair, huge boobs....etc... Stuff i dont have.... ifs its normal i just odnt want to know....i never want to see it....if he has to have it. I dont see the point in it. until he gives me a reason in it i will still think its pathetic and stupid and sick. But w/e...if he thinks he has to do it then so be it......i just dont want to know about it.