a little like too short
I was joking the other day about how much I've grown to like my little belly. I mean, sometimes I cup my hand around it, pat it, caress it, even sing to it. I'm not sure it's ever gonna disappear, and so I've decided we might as well be friends. It's my own little Six Pack--in rolls. Well, it's not that bad. Now I'm not saying I'm gonna be one of those women who wears low cut spandex and mini halter tops (God, I haven't been in a bikini since high school!), but I don't work as hard these days to hold it in either. And it kind of makes me smile sometimes--I mean, why can a man be sexy with a beer belly, but a woman can't? I laugh and chuckle, pat my belly, and say, "Hi there, sexy!" And trust me, it rears it's ugly, I mean sexy, self.
But yesterday, I was wearing a rather flattering (or so I thought) pair of black pants--pants which everyone says make me look trim. Anyway, I was walking in front of a row of store windows, talking to my former department chair, when I caught sight if my profile. Dear God, who's that pregnant woman who looks just like me? Oh wait ... that's me?!! My Lord, how did that volleyball get beneath my shirt!!? And if these are my skinny pants, what the hell do I look like every other day!? Move over, cow. Hello, elephant. Am I the offspring of the woolly mammoth and porky pig? Am I the bastard child of Fat Albert and Miss Piggy?
I mean I like my little belly, but I'm a little like too short for what I saw reflecting in the window!
Go back and remember your English teachers from high school--the women. They had bellies, didn't they? They had pouches, poofs, pudges, spare tires, beer guts, even beach balls, didn't they? Yes, yes, the English teachers I know wear tent dresses and polyester pants with elastic waistbands.
Oh God, save me. I can't do THAT! There is a slender woman just waiting to come out of this body. You watch me.
But yesterday, I was wearing a rather flattering (or so I thought) pair of black pants--pants which everyone says make me look trim. Anyway, I was walking in front of a row of store windows, talking to my former department chair, when I caught sight if my profile. Dear God, who's that pregnant woman who looks just like me? Oh wait ... that's me?!! My Lord, how did that volleyball get beneath my shirt!!? And if these are my skinny pants, what the hell do I look like every other day!? Move over, cow. Hello, elephant. Am I the offspring of the woolly mammoth and porky pig? Am I the bastard child of Fat Albert and Miss Piggy?
I mean I like my little belly, but I'm a little like too short for what I saw reflecting in the window!
Go back and remember your English teachers from high school--the women. They had bellies, didn't they? They had pouches, poofs, pudges, spare tires, beer guts, even beach balls, didn't they? Yes, yes, the English teachers I know wear tent dresses and polyester pants with elastic waistbands.
Oh God, save me. I can't do THAT! There is a slender woman just waiting to come out of this body. You watch me.