who can i run to?
i never thought i would be in this stupid as boyfriend situation again but i am. Im very bad at turning boys down man. its like i dont know what to say anymore because i really dont want to hurt their feelings. But then they say just tell me your not gonna hurt my feelings if you say you dont like me. and when i tell them id ont like them they get all pissed and never talk to me again. maybe its just a high school thing. well anyway here is how it goes. I DONT WANT A BOYFRIEND DAMMIT AND THE MORE GUYS KEEP ASKING ME AND THE MORE I SEE OTHER PEOPLE IN LOVE IT MAKES ME WANT ONE!! but i have to remember my little promise i made 5 min ago. NO BOYFRIENDS UNTIL A WEEK BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY! I THINK 5 MONTHS IS ENOUGH BREAK TIME FOR ME. but dont get my wrong. im not gonna just go with anybody. this time im gonna go with someone who I REALLY like. most of the time i go with guys who like me more than i like them. but im gonna wait till i find that person who is just perfect! their own style, not like everyone else, is diverse and apreciates me for me, very intellegent, very passionate, outgoing and very attractive. and there is more that i cant think of right now. but this guy's name im describing is mr. right and i can picture him in my head right now and he is waiting for me but i dont know where he is. well anyway im sort of talkin to his guy named ivan. he is really cool, atractive, smart and funny. But there is one thing. and i have no fucking idea what it is. but even if i know that there is something stoping me then im not gonna try the relationship anyway. because i may never know what that thing is and it can be the cause of us breaking up. so i only want to be friends with him and not talking to him but everyday it seems as if he is trying to be a couple with me.i told him we aer only friends but i dont know. its nice to have soemone like that but sometimes when im around him i feel like im his girlfriend and i didnt want to feeel like that towards anyone righ tnow beause ims till single annd ready to MINGLE! well yea some one i really like right now and i mean like have a crush on is DEVIN. like i havent had a real crush on anyone in years but him i do. i dont know why i like him he is just very unique and has the most funniest jokes in the word. and you know if you can start laughing at someone with out them even saying anything then they are funny. at first he wanted to go with me and i told him i didnt want a boyfriend. we are kool but it seems like he is less interested now and not really talking to me as much as he did before. it sucks how things change between people when you turn them down. ok now jerome? we are more like friends now. like we just play around all the time and make jokes like usuall. i dont know if we would be hooking up in the future or notbecause i still like him but all this time that we havent been going together makes me use to us as friends. he mentioned us going back together last night but it was only a what if statement. he said if me and you started going back together i would still be as jealouse of you talking to other boys as i am now. who knows ? i dont knows. we might hook back up in the future, we might not, it maybe tommorow, it maybe senior year. oh yea and ivan asked me to the homecoming dance. and i kinda said yes :( but i dont know if i want to go or not, but if i always wanted to go to the homecoming dance and if i went with ivan that would be alot of fun. i just dont really feel like changing my hair right now. i want to change it when i get tired of this hair style and im not. im really tired o people asking me questions about my hair. is that your real hair ? NO! well i guess its a compliment because iw ould love for it to be my real hair. oh ok well its a parade this saturday and i cant wait to go so i can see all my friends from the other bands at other schools and so we can battle afterwards! ooowee cant waiiiiiit! well i miss my sister already so if you read this kenya call me and leave me a comment about today! i want to hear what you guys have to say about htis entry plz!