I'm trying to lost my $hI# nor and I'm trying to not have a full blown panic attack.
So there are pieces that are going on, combined that are making me almost/want to/about to fall apart.
Last week Mike was sick, and he's really not a nice person when he's sick. I don't just mean he's cranky but he really is angry and crotchety and is grating on a person who is already feeling vulnerable.
I spoke to my Rebbeztein from college and told her about the miscarriage, I knew she had disclosed she had at least one miscarriage, previously.
In speaking with my Rebbeztein she invited up to come up for next Shabbos to Albany. This way we could get away, I could get a break and we could catch up and talk. Any one who knows me, knows I'm not a social butterfly and really need prodding to leave my surroundings. Although my surroundings aren't good because my isolating lends itself to my depressive lack of desire to make changes and then I become stuck in that spot.
Like here I don't go to shul on shabbos, so when there's a kiddush I am anxious to go and have people comment on my not going often. When in reality most women do not go to shul on a regular basis and usually just show up when there is food.
So last nite, Mike is talking to his sister, and he pretty much invites his sister and BIL for shabbos in Albany. One we have no clue how much space they have. Two, umm what happened to US going away for a weekend. OH and THREE he's not telling people about the miscarriage to how is this supposed to help me heal when I'm looking forward to being able to catch up with my Rebbezeitn, and talk and heal.
That's one part...The other part if you've been living under a rock we had a gentle introduction to Hurricane Irene. Admittedly, we didn't get hit that bad.
Parts of where we live are FLOODED, they haven't resumed bus service where we live. But other than that.
Last nite we got slammed with rain. IT literally was coming in through the living room air conditioner. I put a towel around it, because I couldn't get the window open. and I knew Mike wasn't going to get his butt out of bed to help.
So apparently, he went downstairs today and we have water in the basement. BIG SURPRISE. considering what the rain was like last nite, we knew it was coming. BH the hot water tanks appear to be working(last year one had to be replaced, we've also found water tends to wipe out the tanks)
After Mike spent a good 3 or 4 hours downstairs my guess shop vacing and complaining. He came upstairs and confrontationally said WE NEED TO SELL THIS HOUSE.
Now I like our house. The long term repairs to reduce the accumulation of water would cost less than what it would cost us to move and what we'd lose in selling our house. I also don't want to sell our house. Furthmore our credit is attrocious at this point. And it brings up a lot of emotions.
I get he's frustrated. That it's a pain in the butt to clean his stuff out of the basement when it gets water logged. But he choose to store his treasures down stairs. And for the most part it's CRAP.
Like I get he's frustrated but I feel super attacked. Now what I left out was last week was our 6 year wedding anniversary and he did NOTHING, and a few weeks earlier for the hebrew date NOTHING. We had said no 'gifts' this year, and I was supposed to go into the city so we could go out to lunch, but he keeps pushing me off.
And the icing on my emotional chaos. I saw my ob as a follow up on the miscarriage. He said after an ultrasound he thought I SHOULD STILL BE BLEEDING, as apparently there is still visible debris. I have ANOTHER CYST. I think it just kind of made that wave of loss fresh and extra sucky. Like I had kinda dealt with it and BAM here it was all over again.
Last week Mike was sick, and he's really not a nice person when he's sick. I don't just mean he's cranky but he really is angry and crotchety and is grating on a person who is already feeling vulnerable.
I spoke to my Rebbeztein from college and told her about the miscarriage, I knew she had disclosed she had at least one miscarriage, previously.
In speaking with my Rebbeztein she invited up to come up for next Shabbos to Albany. This way we could get away, I could get a break and we could catch up and talk. Any one who knows me, knows I'm not a social butterfly and really need prodding to leave my surroundings. Although my surroundings aren't good because my isolating lends itself to my depressive lack of desire to make changes and then I become stuck in that spot.
Like here I don't go to shul on shabbos, so when there's a kiddush I am anxious to go and have people comment on my not going often. When in reality most women do not go to shul on a regular basis and usually just show up when there is food.
So last nite, Mike is talking to his sister, and he pretty much invites his sister and BIL for shabbos in Albany. One we have no clue how much space they have. Two, umm what happened to US going away for a weekend. OH and THREE he's not telling people about the miscarriage to how is this supposed to help me heal when I'm looking forward to being able to catch up with my Rebbezeitn, and talk and heal.
That's one part...The other part if you've been living under a rock we had a gentle introduction to Hurricane Irene. Admittedly, we didn't get hit that bad.
Parts of where we live are FLOODED, they haven't resumed bus service where we live. But other than that.
Last nite we got slammed with rain. IT literally was coming in through the living room air conditioner. I put a towel around it, because I couldn't get the window open. and I knew Mike wasn't going to get his butt out of bed to help.
So apparently, he went downstairs today and we have water in the basement. BIG SURPRISE. considering what the rain was like last nite, we knew it was coming. BH the hot water tanks appear to be working(last year one had to be replaced, we've also found water tends to wipe out the tanks)
After Mike spent a good 3 or 4 hours downstairs my guess shop vacing and complaining. He came upstairs and confrontationally said WE NEED TO SELL THIS HOUSE.
Now I like our house. The long term repairs to reduce the accumulation of water would cost less than what it would cost us to move and what we'd lose in selling our house. I also don't want to sell our house. Furthmore our credit is attrocious at this point. And it brings up a lot of emotions.
I get he's frustrated. That it's a pain in the butt to clean his stuff out of the basement when it gets water logged. But he choose to store his treasures down stairs. And for the most part it's CRAP.
Like I get he's frustrated but I feel super attacked. Now what I left out was last week was our 6 year wedding anniversary and he did NOTHING, and a few weeks earlier for the hebrew date NOTHING. We had said no 'gifts' this year, and I was supposed to go into the city so we could go out to lunch, but he keeps pushing me off.
And the icing on my emotional chaos. I saw my ob as a follow up on the miscarriage. He said after an ultrasound he thought I SHOULD STILL BE BLEEDING, as apparently there is still visible debris. I have ANOTHER CYST. I think it just kind of made that wave of loss fresh and extra sucky. Like I had kinda dealt with it and BAM here it was all over again.