(no subject)
I need something anything anyone and yet its lacking. Im not confident even writing on my journal but its been a while since Ive updated. So much has happened. So much as torn my psyche askew. I dread the end of this semester in school because the only class I think Im passing is Urban Geography...I couldnt even place two others in the ballpark but I know Im not going to make it in art. Of all the classes...why that one? I dont know what to think or what to do. I want to run and run until my ankles give and I crash into the gulf. I just want everyone in Texas so bad my body aches. I miss Alex and Audrey and Brenna and William and JP, and fuck, Lauren, and trees that grow thick and tall, heat that runs down your back, bonfires that roar and "drivin big trucks down dirt roads". Because Ive only trusted the Texas of my heart but not where my body tends to lie. I have a huge essay to tonight by midnight and all I want is to go home, drown myself in xanex, and sleep because only in my subconscious are these less real.
I need to get away from this computer. I need to hate something other than myself for being a love sick fool, and snap like a branch of ash. Because he and I only have this understanding and our love is true and intense, but
but...right now, in this moment, im seething with distrust and other assorted emotions that follow. Every in this situation because for once so many people have their soiled fingers in my buisness, my relationship, my love.
Right Audrey, we're strong 'cause we have to be. Because we know better.
Juliet's Comtempt is more than bitter blood. Its what I thought I could surpass but as she carves another notch into the bedpost shes smiling down at me, heaving the reigns like I knew she could.
If Im so fucking amazing then what? Then what?
Everyone else seems to have all the answers, so answer me that.
I need to get away from this computer. I need to hate something other than myself for being a love sick fool, and snap like a branch of ash. Because he and I only have this understanding and our love is true and intense, but
but...right now, in this moment, im seething with distrust and other assorted emotions that follow. Every in this situation because for once so many people have their soiled fingers in my buisness, my relationship, my love.
Right Audrey, we're strong 'cause we have to be. Because we know better.
Juliet's Comtempt is more than bitter blood. Its what I thought I could surpass but as she carves another notch into the bedpost shes smiling down at me, heaving the reigns like I knew she could.
If Im so fucking amazing then what? Then what?
Everyone else seems to have all the answers, so answer me that.