Sorta Fairytale...

[yearninsunshine]

How was everyone's newyears? Fun, I hope. Man I'm tired but I had to wake up early to do some last minute shopping and get ready to pack for tomarrow. This morning when I did wake up I sat there and long good and hard about what to do what to do. Two paths are my options for the future and just like the decions I've had to make in the past it will lead to who knows what. If I go to college in Texas I will work, attend SAC or maybe ACC, have an apartment, and jump straight into the sudult lifestyle. I've been considering looking into the ex-patriot program with the military and at school which means a year in Japan. Some friends I will keep and some will fade because so is the way with graduating high school. I don't want to see any of them go but it has a tendency to happen. My other options is to go to California with my father, or, as the plans are appearing, simply stay there since I'm going out when school is out for the summer to strighten things out and then make my big descions then. If I stay in California I'll most likely to to SDU or SDSU, the local community colleges, live with my father until I'm successfully on my feet, get a job in San Diego, and change into Deigo life livin. Also, theres the third side that I could go with neither, pick myself up, and head to a completely new city but that would be impractical. You'll sink without a basis so is common sense. I've been writing and working on my laptop since I got it and with the new year I've decided on my resolution which is to finish this one thing I've been working on. I also should think about improving my technial writing a little for college reasons. I'm going to be signing up in the summer, when they change the menus on the application page online, but if (if mind you) a scholarship actually comes through I might think about another school. Mainly I think if that happens I'll definetly move up to Austin. Austin's the perfect place for heights kids. Its still close enough to be familiar but radically different enough to not send a panic. I'm never going to the east coast again, I'm too much of a west coast kind of girl, and the only other places I would like to live in the U.S. is S.D. or San Fransisco. There is always my one dream of moving to France and living there for a few months. I just want to get out of the country, thats why I'm so interested in the ex-patriot program. Also, you get paid to teach something you already know, inforce something you need, and be in a beautiful country soaking with history. Just about everything attracts me the only thing that would be issues would be the distance and a little bit of homesickness that will of course afflict me. You can't go with something for seventeen years and not expect a little withdrawl after a radical change. Talk about culture shock. But, I am worried about my education. I want to do all these things like travelling and living in other countries but you have to stay up to date with your education because without it you can't float in this society. Sure you could do something like get a good union job but living pay check to pay check the rest of your life is not my ideal situation. I never want to be rich but stable. And children? I know I'm only seventeen and shouldn't be thinking about kids but I'm talking about when I'm midtwenties or something everything will raically change for them. Its a little nerve wracking to think about giving up yourself for another so immedeietly, because that is what you should do, what is best for the kid, and where do I want to be at that point in time? What do I want to have done? These things are on too large of a spectrum for me right now but high school is a nice buffer between childhood and everything else. I just don't want to be stuck in one place for the rest of my days. I havn't come accoustmed to my fears yet to allow that. I've got five months to finish working out the beginnings of college, keep working, keep saving, and see where I am at the end of the year. My dad's going to Korea at the end of May either right before or right after I graduate. If we play our cards right I can get a free hope over on a plane out of Travis in San Fransisco. The times they are a changing my friends. Fight is and fail adapt and survive,...see ya'll on wednesday.

Love and peace.