Wanderlust : a great desire to travel and rove about
"Did I imagine it would be like this?
Was it something like this I wished for?
Or will I want more?"
Mom used to joke that I spent the first five years of my life in the car. I had two older brothers that had a lot of after school activities (some good, some bad) and mom was always driving them around. It was at about this time that I also had an aunt and uncle up in PA and one up in New York. We used to go visit them once a year and I have many vague memories of flying up to them and visiting them. Of course, this didn't last forever. After I was five, my oldest brother went to college and my two Aunts and Uncles moved down to Texas. Travel pretty much stopped to that extent.
A few years later I joined scouts. We used to go on one trip a year, (usually camping). While I was not one for camping, it was fun to travel to new areas and see what it was like.
The odd thing is that for 20 years, I never really knew my own neighborhood. I never left the house on my own or walked around. I couldn't tell you the name of the cross street from the one I lived on. I couldn't tell you how many houses were on my block or how to get to the grocery story that we visited every week for 20 years. Sure, I played outside with friends, but we never went far. I went places with my family and friends, but I never noticed the journey. Even still, I was never the one to leave the house unless someone else prompted me.
When I went to college in Texas and lived on campus, I never went out and walked around the beautiful campus. I kept a map pinned to my wall because I had no idea where anything was, even though it really wasn't that large of a campus.
It wasn't until I moved to to Seattle that I started to explore. Mostly because it was out of necessity (I got lost a lot and had to wander around until I recognized something). It was slow, but I started to get an understanding of how things were laid out. I got confident on the names of places, the locations, and how to find places I'd never been. Then we started to travel. Conventions, mostly... But I was always the one that planned the trips. I'd look up maps, buses, taxies, hotels, airports... I planned every-single-detail. I printed out stuff, knew the ups and downs of the general areas of where we were going... I think I enjoyed the planning more than the trip sometimes.
Now that we have a house and are settled, I feel a great sense of restlessness. I want to go places. I want to plan trips and fly and drive.
What's more frustrating is that I have the same sensation when it comes to school. I never took classes because they were part of a degree or program. I always just took classes that I thought would be interesting. It wasn't till PIMA that I stayed in a program. Now that it is done, I wish I could take more classes and do other things.
The career that I picked, I plan on staying in it for 4-5 years, but after that who knows. Maybe I'll feel more passionate and stay in it or maybe different things will open up in the same field... But right now I feel restless.
My license test is coming up fast and I don't feel ready. I'm studying, but I honestly don't know if it will be enough. I know if I don't pass this one, I will certainly pass the one in December, but that still won't stop me from feeling like a failure or like shit for wasting $300 that we could have used on other things. I just... I hate studying so damn much that it depresses me.
*sigh* Just keep telling myself that once I pass the test, I can stop worrying about studying and finally focus on other things. It just sucks for someone that isn't used to settling down in one spot and not being able to focus on something else on a whim.
Was it something like this I wished for?
Or will I want more?"
Mom used to joke that I spent the first five years of my life in the car. I had two older brothers that had a lot of after school activities (some good, some bad) and mom was always driving them around. It was at about this time that I also had an aunt and uncle up in PA and one up in New York. We used to go visit them once a year and I have many vague memories of flying up to them and visiting them. Of course, this didn't last forever. After I was five, my oldest brother went to college and my two Aunts and Uncles moved down to Texas. Travel pretty much stopped to that extent.
A few years later I joined scouts. We used to go on one trip a year, (usually camping). While I was not one for camping, it was fun to travel to new areas and see what it was like.
The odd thing is that for 20 years, I never really knew my own neighborhood. I never left the house on my own or walked around. I couldn't tell you the name of the cross street from the one I lived on. I couldn't tell you how many houses were on my block or how to get to the grocery story that we visited every week for 20 years. Sure, I played outside with friends, but we never went far. I went places with my family and friends, but I never noticed the journey. Even still, I was never the one to leave the house unless someone else prompted me.
When I went to college in Texas and lived on campus, I never went out and walked around the beautiful campus. I kept a map pinned to my wall because I had no idea where anything was, even though it really wasn't that large of a campus.
It wasn't until I moved to to Seattle that I started to explore. Mostly because it was out of necessity (I got lost a lot and had to wander around until I recognized something). It was slow, but I started to get an understanding of how things were laid out. I got confident on the names of places, the locations, and how to find places I'd never been. Then we started to travel. Conventions, mostly... But I was always the one that planned the trips. I'd look up maps, buses, taxies, hotels, airports... I planned every-single-detail. I printed out stuff, knew the ups and downs of the general areas of where we were going... I think I enjoyed the planning more than the trip sometimes.
Now that we have a house and are settled, I feel a great sense of restlessness. I want to go places. I want to plan trips and fly and drive.
What's more frustrating is that I have the same sensation when it comes to school. I never took classes because they were part of a degree or program. I always just took classes that I thought would be interesting. It wasn't till PIMA that I stayed in a program. Now that it is done, I wish I could take more classes and do other things.
The career that I picked, I plan on staying in it for 4-5 years, but after that who knows. Maybe I'll feel more passionate and stay in it or maybe different things will open up in the same field... But right now I feel restless.
My license test is coming up fast and I don't feel ready. I'm studying, but I honestly don't know if it will be enough. I know if I don't pass this one, I will certainly pass the one in December, but that still won't stop me from feeling like a failure or like shit for wasting $300 that we could have used on other things. I just... I hate studying so damn much that it depresses me.
*sigh* Just keep telling myself that once I pass the test, I can stop worrying about studying and finally focus on other things. It just sucks for someone that isn't used to settling down in one spot and not being able to focus on something else on a whim.