The End Of The Week
Well, it wasn't easy, but I made it through this past week, and I really feel like I came out of it all in decent shape. I've certainly had better weeks, but really, when I look back at how this week could have gone, and how it actually went, I have to say I really came out on top in the end. While one of my exams was totally wretched, the other 2 were fine, and my Computational Mechanics homework didn't take nearly as long as I had anticipated, AND it came out looking pretty shnazzy, if I do say so myself.
While I have found myself in a state of perpetual exhaustion for the last 2 weeks, I have also found myself unable to fall asleep, and once I am asleep, I seem unable to stay in that state for my desired period of time. I'm not really sure why I have been so unable to fall asleep. I have felt extremely tired lately. And not just a sort of lethargic tired where I am only tired because I haven't really done anything. I mean a genuinely weak on my feet, overly fatigued, trouble focusing on anything tired. Yet, even when I crawl into bed, feeling relieved to finally be there, and that it is the most comfortable place in the world, I cannot fall asleep in good time. And when I do fall asleep, it's as if I wake up every 3 hours or so.
In general, I have been feeling really unsettled, and a bit antsy of late. The biggest problem with this is that I seem to be completely unable to identify the cause. Usually, while I am not always particularly adept at solving the problem, I am at least able to somewhat identify what the problem is. However, I have no clue where these feelings are coming from, which makes it impossible to really fix what it is that is causing them.
I have made several guesses as to what it could be, but those all seem to have been wrong. My first thought was that it was coming from the lack of concrete living conditions set for next year. I felt like we had really been kind of slacking on that earlier in October. However, we're signing the lease for our house for next year tomorrow afternoon, and the feeling hasn't faded yet. Maybe it will fade once we've signed and have it all settled. Sometimes these things do just take some time. But I don't know, I just sort of have that feeling in my gut that it won't go away with the settling of the housing situation. This, of course, does not mean that I am not ridiculously excited about this house for next year. I couldn't be happier with how this whole situation has played out. Not only are we getting literally about twice the space as we have now, we're paying virtually the same rent for it. Sure, it is further from the 'action' of campus, but I don't know if I want another year of neighbors who pick fights and break bottles in the courtyard at 3:30 AM every weekend (and some weekdays, too). I have never really been big into the bar scene, or really even the party scene, so to be further away from it means essentially nothing (if not maybe some positive things) to me.
Another theory of mine was that it was merely the extremely busy past couple weeks that I have had. I had a very generous portion of academics on my plate these past couple weeks, and was pretty worried that I would not be able to take it all in (at least not without 'reversal of fortune'). But again, while that situation has settled, I have not. Perhaps, like the housing thing, it just takes some time to sink in before the unsettled feeling evaporates, but like before, I just don't know that that will be the case.
I guess one thing that leads me to believe that is how even though the week is finished, and I do feel pretty good about it, I don't feel as good about it as I thought I would. It's like I have decided that I should just feel exuberant after this week, but I feel merely good. In fact, I actually found myself in a much better mood on Tuesday of this week than I find myself in now. It seems that there have been more times lately where I am just in a really good mood. However, it seems to be entirely random, and almost backwards. I feel good when I ought not to, and don't feel as good as I ought to when I should be feeling really good. It's almost like I am really worried about feeling as good as I possibly can, rather than just simply letting the good feelings come to me. I press myself to feel good, which in turn, doesn't make me feel very good. I have worked much harder lately at trying to focus on the positive, and moving myself into those good mood phases. But it takes a lot of work, and when it seems to be as random as it has been, it can lead to a lot of confusion.
This isn't to say that I feel really bad right now. That is very far from the truth. I don't feel bad, I just feel unsettled. I'm not feeling angry or depressed so much as just antsy and unsettled. I wish I could give it a more accurate description, but it just seems to be one of those weird in-between feelings, and not knowing the source just makes it all the weirder. The past few days, I have been trying to approach in a 'one day at a time manner', and it has seemed to help me relax a little bit. I definitely need to improve on my tendency to worry today about what should be worried about tomorrow.
On the whole, today was a good day. I got my work done. I had Chinese for dinner. We hung out at Jen and Had's for a while. I suppose I did more wallflowering than actual hanging out, just because I didn't really know many of the people there, and they seemed to be all about drinking, while I just wasn't feeling it. After that, we played Ghost in the Graveyard with Jeremy and bunch of people I didn't know, but who seemed to be a pretty good group. There was a little too much 'puppyguarding' going on for it to be a good game, but it was still something different to do and it was a very welcome change of pace.
I should also mention that I am really excited about tomorrow, not only because we're signing on a great house, but because it's going to be a great day of college football. It's a pretty well-known fact that I am a sports fanatic, and I just live for Saturdays in the fall. There are some really big games tomorrow, and this is shaping up to be a really good college football season on the whole. My only beef with tomorrow is that the forecast is saying the high will be 75. Now, that would normally be something to cheer about, but it's November! I love the crisp fall weather, where jeans and a sweatshirt are the perfect fit, and the smell of autumn is in the air. There is just something about the fall that I really enjoy, it is by far my favorite time of the year. There is no feeling quite like stepping out of your last class for the day and just taking in how pretty the campus looks, and how pleasant the weather is. I don't want it to be 75, I want it to be 55, or 60 with a nice breeze. I can't quite put my finger on it. But that doesn't matter. Whether the reason can be pin-pointed or not, I find fall to be the best time of the year, and as mentioned before, there is nothing quite like a cool October or November Saturday in my book.
Other than gorging my sports apetite on college football tomorrow, I may also go see 'The Weather Man'. To carry on the theme of the post, I'm not sure why I want to see it so much. I just know that I do. I like Nicolas Cage and Michael Kane. That might be it. But I want to see this movie to the point where I am willing to go see it by myself if I have to. I never wanted to be that 'loser' who went to the movies by myself. But the fact is, way too many movies go through the theatre that I want to see and never get to. And I figure, if I want to see them, I am going to see them, whether it makes me look like a loser or not. Of course, I would love to have company on these excursions, but I am officially announcing now that it is no longer a requirement. I am now officially willing to go to the movies by myself in order to see the movies I want to see...officially.
I am an absolute fiend for movies, much like I am for sports, and one thing I love to do is write about both. I love watching a movie, and then sitting down to write about it. I just feel like it helps me to appreciate the movie more and get more of a feel for what it is all about, especially in the case of movies where there is so much to take in. So in all likelihood, this livejournal is also going to serve as my only personal little movie review site. I think my desire to make this so comes from a deeply hidden secret desire to become a movie reviewer. However, one problem I constantly suffer from when I do decide to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard in this case) on the subject of a movie is that my mind moves faster than my medium, and I wind up writing myself into corners and forgetting many important points that I wanted to make.
As such, I might try to actually develop some sort of 'formula' or 'pattern' for these makeshift movie reviews. While I generally do not enjoy formulaic writing (thank you junior high and high school for your hammering home of the '5 paragraph essay'), I feel like I could still have a lot of freedom within the formula, and manage to avoid forgetting a lot of the points about the movie I had wanted to make. In general, I think I would write them in the following loose format: Plot, Characters, Quality of Characters, Points of Interest (i.e. interesting style) and finally, my Overall Impression. While I don't necessarily like a '4-star' rating system, I will try to give an impression of whether or not the movie provided me with what I wanted to get out of it. What I mean by this is that sometimes, a bad movie is, in fact, the best movie. Sometimes, I want Forrest Gump or The Green Mile. And sometimes, I want Dumb and Dumber.
Of course, I also wouldn't mind some feedback about those things that I do write, assuming that feedback is presented in a positive manner. I'd rather not read things like 'You suck at writing'. So, even if you do feel like I suck at writing, try to help me make it better. I feel like my writing talents have atrophied severely from where they used to be at, and I really do hope to improve my writing skills. This seems like a convenient medium to do so, so that will be a sort of 'extra bonus' for me, in addition to simply getting to expound upon things that I enjoy.
So, expect an update on the college football world, as well as perhaps my own attempt at a 'review' for the movie 'The Weather Man' tomorrow. Is anybody reading after all this?
While I have found myself in a state of perpetual exhaustion for the last 2 weeks, I have also found myself unable to fall asleep, and once I am asleep, I seem unable to stay in that state for my desired period of time. I'm not really sure why I have been so unable to fall asleep. I have felt extremely tired lately. And not just a sort of lethargic tired where I am only tired because I haven't really done anything. I mean a genuinely weak on my feet, overly fatigued, trouble focusing on anything tired. Yet, even when I crawl into bed, feeling relieved to finally be there, and that it is the most comfortable place in the world, I cannot fall asleep in good time. And when I do fall asleep, it's as if I wake up every 3 hours or so.
In general, I have been feeling really unsettled, and a bit antsy of late. The biggest problem with this is that I seem to be completely unable to identify the cause. Usually, while I am not always particularly adept at solving the problem, I am at least able to somewhat identify what the problem is. However, I have no clue where these feelings are coming from, which makes it impossible to really fix what it is that is causing them.
I have made several guesses as to what it could be, but those all seem to have been wrong. My first thought was that it was coming from the lack of concrete living conditions set for next year. I felt like we had really been kind of slacking on that earlier in October. However, we're signing the lease for our house for next year tomorrow afternoon, and the feeling hasn't faded yet. Maybe it will fade once we've signed and have it all settled. Sometimes these things do just take some time. But I don't know, I just sort of have that feeling in my gut that it won't go away with the settling of the housing situation. This, of course, does not mean that I am not ridiculously excited about this house for next year. I couldn't be happier with how this whole situation has played out. Not only are we getting literally about twice the space as we have now, we're paying virtually the same rent for it. Sure, it is further from the 'action' of campus, but I don't know if I want another year of neighbors who pick fights and break bottles in the courtyard at 3:30 AM every weekend (and some weekdays, too). I have never really been big into the bar scene, or really even the party scene, so to be further away from it means essentially nothing (if not maybe some positive things) to me.
Another theory of mine was that it was merely the extremely busy past couple weeks that I have had. I had a very generous portion of academics on my plate these past couple weeks, and was pretty worried that I would not be able to take it all in (at least not without 'reversal of fortune'). But again, while that situation has settled, I have not. Perhaps, like the housing thing, it just takes some time to sink in before the unsettled feeling evaporates, but like before, I just don't know that that will be the case.
I guess one thing that leads me to believe that is how even though the week is finished, and I do feel pretty good about it, I don't feel as good about it as I thought I would. It's like I have decided that I should just feel exuberant after this week, but I feel merely good. In fact, I actually found myself in a much better mood on Tuesday of this week than I find myself in now. It seems that there have been more times lately where I am just in a really good mood. However, it seems to be entirely random, and almost backwards. I feel good when I ought not to, and don't feel as good as I ought to when I should be feeling really good. It's almost like I am really worried about feeling as good as I possibly can, rather than just simply letting the good feelings come to me. I press myself to feel good, which in turn, doesn't make me feel very good. I have worked much harder lately at trying to focus on the positive, and moving myself into those good mood phases. But it takes a lot of work, and when it seems to be as random as it has been, it can lead to a lot of confusion.
This isn't to say that I feel really bad right now. That is very far from the truth. I don't feel bad, I just feel unsettled. I'm not feeling angry or depressed so much as just antsy and unsettled. I wish I could give it a more accurate description, but it just seems to be one of those weird in-between feelings, and not knowing the source just makes it all the weirder. The past few days, I have been trying to approach in a 'one day at a time manner', and it has seemed to help me relax a little bit. I definitely need to improve on my tendency to worry today about what should be worried about tomorrow.
On the whole, today was a good day. I got my work done. I had Chinese for dinner. We hung out at Jen and Had's for a while. I suppose I did more wallflowering than actual hanging out, just because I didn't really know many of the people there, and they seemed to be all about drinking, while I just wasn't feeling it. After that, we played Ghost in the Graveyard with Jeremy and bunch of people I didn't know, but who seemed to be a pretty good group. There was a little too much 'puppyguarding' going on for it to be a good game, but it was still something different to do and it was a very welcome change of pace.
I should also mention that I am really excited about tomorrow, not only because we're signing on a great house, but because it's going to be a great day of college football. It's a pretty well-known fact that I am a sports fanatic, and I just live for Saturdays in the fall. There are some really big games tomorrow, and this is shaping up to be a really good college football season on the whole. My only beef with tomorrow is that the forecast is saying the high will be 75. Now, that would normally be something to cheer about, but it's November! I love the crisp fall weather, where jeans and a sweatshirt are the perfect fit, and the smell of autumn is in the air. There is just something about the fall that I really enjoy, it is by far my favorite time of the year. There is no feeling quite like stepping out of your last class for the day and just taking in how pretty the campus looks, and how pleasant the weather is. I don't want it to be 75, I want it to be 55, or 60 with a nice breeze. I can't quite put my finger on it. But that doesn't matter. Whether the reason can be pin-pointed or not, I find fall to be the best time of the year, and as mentioned before, there is nothing quite like a cool October or November Saturday in my book.
Other than gorging my sports apetite on college football tomorrow, I may also go see 'The Weather Man'. To carry on the theme of the post, I'm not sure why I want to see it so much. I just know that I do. I like Nicolas Cage and Michael Kane. That might be it. But I want to see this movie to the point where I am willing to go see it by myself if I have to. I never wanted to be that 'loser' who went to the movies by myself. But the fact is, way too many movies go through the theatre that I want to see and never get to. And I figure, if I want to see them, I am going to see them, whether it makes me look like a loser or not. Of course, I would love to have company on these excursions, but I am officially announcing now that it is no longer a requirement. I am now officially willing to go to the movies by myself in order to see the movies I want to see...officially.
I am an absolute fiend for movies, much like I am for sports, and one thing I love to do is write about both. I love watching a movie, and then sitting down to write about it. I just feel like it helps me to appreciate the movie more and get more of a feel for what it is all about, especially in the case of movies where there is so much to take in. So in all likelihood, this livejournal is also going to serve as my only personal little movie review site. I think my desire to make this so comes from a deeply hidden secret desire to become a movie reviewer. However, one problem I constantly suffer from when I do decide to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard in this case) on the subject of a movie is that my mind moves faster than my medium, and I wind up writing myself into corners and forgetting many important points that I wanted to make.
As such, I might try to actually develop some sort of 'formula' or 'pattern' for these makeshift movie reviews. While I generally do not enjoy formulaic writing (thank you junior high and high school for your hammering home of the '5 paragraph essay'), I feel like I could still have a lot of freedom within the formula, and manage to avoid forgetting a lot of the points about the movie I had wanted to make. In general, I think I would write them in the following loose format: Plot, Characters, Quality of Characters, Points of Interest (i.e. interesting style) and finally, my Overall Impression. While I don't necessarily like a '4-star' rating system, I will try to give an impression of whether or not the movie provided me with what I wanted to get out of it. What I mean by this is that sometimes, a bad movie is, in fact, the best movie. Sometimes, I want Forrest Gump or The Green Mile. And sometimes, I want Dumb and Dumber.
Of course, I also wouldn't mind some feedback about those things that I do write, assuming that feedback is presented in a positive manner. I'd rather not read things like 'You suck at writing'. So, even if you do feel like I suck at writing, try to help me make it better. I feel like my writing talents have atrophied severely from where they used to be at, and I really do hope to improve my writing skills. This seems like a convenient medium to do so, so that will be a sort of 'extra bonus' for me, in addition to simply getting to expound upon things that I enjoy.
So, expect an update on the college football world, as well as perhaps my own attempt at a 'review' for the movie 'The Weather Man' tomorrow. Is anybody reading after all this?