they argue walk this way now walk this way
"HELLO. you are coming to my school and i am pleased to announce you are my new favorite freshmen."
seriously, facebook is CREEPING ME OUT. but in a really flattering way?
i like knowing people from my school without knowing them. but, i dunno, it's random.
so the last couple of weeks i've been seeing ghosts.
ghosts named ann.
ghosts named mellissa S. that should be haunting methacton school district.
ghosts of wooden cabins and tents and that creaky old bridge.
in the last month here they're just showing up. i'm seeing them feeling them creeping up the ladder of my memory and pushing forward into consciousness. and soon now my life will pass by measured by how many cups of coffee. and time will be measured in credit hours. i'll pay for every mile marker i pass. and i'll never see that same muddy dripping porch again.
and i'm a single cell on a serpents tongue, i hear walking up that stony beaten path. you walk away.
i walked the fuck away. i pushed kirkwood out of my life. i forcibly removed religion and i remember the exact moment that i gave up being a christian and started to rot in my body. i can feel my mind rotting with cynicism and satire. it's growing mold like fruit bowls in the window sill. and it's nice in a way that you don't want to touch. nice in the way something wasted can be.
and going back there was the most miserable i have been in so long. because i remembered how happy i could actually be. seing people with such a strong devotion and faith. seeing real characters and not just the trashy ones i write. it made me realize that i am really miserable and unhealthy in every way.
and today my mother had to go to the hospital and i came home to two extra cars and a half empty driveway.
it's nice in a way you wouldn't touch with a sterilized ten foot fucking stick.
and no matter how much you love someone you'll back away when the pool of blood inches towards you, says palahniuck. and he's right. he's right in that shitty way that i hate.
so i'm not happy, but what the fuck else is new.
seriously, facebook is CREEPING ME OUT. but in a really flattering way?
i like knowing people from my school without knowing them. but, i dunno, it's random.
so the last couple of weeks i've been seeing ghosts.
ghosts named ann.
ghosts named mellissa S. that should be haunting methacton school district.
ghosts of wooden cabins and tents and that creaky old bridge.
in the last month here they're just showing up. i'm seeing them feeling them creeping up the ladder of my memory and pushing forward into consciousness. and soon now my life will pass by measured by how many cups of coffee. and time will be measured in credit hours. i'll pay for every mile marker i pass. and i'll never see that same muddy dripping porch again.
and i'm a single cell on a serpents tongue, i hear walking up that stony beaten path. you walk away.
i walked the fuck away. i pushed kirkwood out of my life. i forcibly removed religion and i remember the exact moment that i gave up being a christian and started to rot in my body. i can feel my mind rotting with cynicism and satire. it's growing mold like fruit bowls in the window sill. and it's nice in a way that you don't want to touch. nice in the way something wasted can be.
and going back there was the most miserable i have been in so long. because i remembered how happy i could actually be. seing people with such a strong devotion and faith. seeing real characters and not just the trashy ones i write. it made me realize that i am really miserable and unhealthy in every way.
and today my mother had to go to the hospital and i came home to two extra cars and a half empty driveway.
it's nice in a way you wouldn't touch with a sterilized ten foot fucking stick.
and no matter how much you love someone you'll back away when the pool of blood inches towards you, says palahniuck. and he's right. he's right in that shitty way that i hate.
so i'm not happy, but what the fuck else is new.