(no subject)
Title: I Lost My Fear of Falling
Author: Buddy
Fandom: MCR
Pairing: Gerard/Frank
Rating: Adult
Summary: In which Gerard gets fed up of stalling and takes a leap of faith.
Author's notes: Pov changes from Frank to Gerard in chapter 2. I thought this was complete but the guys disagreed with me. More could follow later.
Beta Reader: Many thanks to cloudsurfing for this. I've tweaked post beta so any remaining mistakes are mine; if you spot any please point them out.
Crossposted to mychemicalslash
Chapter 1
Frank wasn't sure if it was the cold that awoke him or the dream about last night's gig.The look on Gerard's face after Frank spat over his head had been priceless. Full of 'I can't believe you just did that you nutcase, but I'm kinda impressed. And it's complicated but I fucking love what you do. Fucking love you'. Ok, maybe most of that was the dream but those kinds of feelings can wake a guy up with their intensity.
Maybe that had something to do with it, but he was cold, and the instinctive desire to drag the duvet over himself was thwarted by his inability to move either his arms or his legs. That was most definitely not a Good Thing. He had this childhood fear that he was going to loose a limb, it had started right around the time he began to play guitar and unsurprisingly had gotten worse since he'd started to get inked. He just knew if he lost his arm it would be the one with the most tattoos.
He raised his head and peered into dim lamplight toward the foot of the bed; no, the guys hadn't dumped an empty trunk on him like the last time they had stayed in a hotel, but he was more naked than he cared to be when he couldn't remember why. Also, there was no duvet.
"What the fuck?"
Spread eagled and fastened to wrought iron by too thin rope that had already marked his wrists, he decided this was too vivid to be some weird assed nightmare. He wriggled his fingers and toes, which were still all present and accounted for, although his wrists and ankles really ached, and he wondered how long he'd been tied up and how the fuck they'd managed it without waking him. Very unlikely to be a dream as his growing sense of helpless vulnerability made it suddenly hard to breathe, which felt very fucking real, and he was almost positive he wasn't alone in the room. He laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes for a few moments; he was willing to have a eureka moment over God and pray that it wasn't the guys, which only left Jamia, who was back home. Unless she'd suddenly got spontaneous and ...
Well hell yeah
Suddenly his morning wood developed cognitive powers and the ability to transfigure as it became more like a trunk than a branch and he could barely bring himself to look sideways just in case Bob and Ray were grinning at the side of him. He jumped as he sensed movement on his left.
"Pick a safety word, but don't say anything else," Gerard said softly, so very close to Frank's ear.
Frank opened his mouth to protest and was immediately shushed by one long finger that smelled of pencil shavings and fixative spray.
"Wait, before you speak, ok? Just take a deep breath and think for a few seconds. If you're even remotely curious pick a word. If not, I'll let you go and we can pretend it was a joke."
Frank didn't get it. Gerard hadn't acted this weird in forever; the sets lately had been fucking awesome, the crowds a wet dream, and all the guys were having a ball. He knew they all loved being a part of the band, even Mikey was gaining in confidence and contributing more, and the chemistry between himself and Gerard on stage was ...
Fuck.
For so long he hadn't known what to do with all the energy they generated, and Jamia certainly didn't complain about the surplus, but there had always been this hollow space in his chest because it meant something to him and Gerard always dismissed it as entertainment. Maybe he'd been wrong, last night had seemed different. He shivered at the thought and the goose bumps covering his body tightened uncomfortably. He realised then how dry his mouth was and contemplated telling Gerard to let him the fuck up before he died of thirst.
'Wait ... think for a few seconds'
Gerard's command echoed inside his head, and Frank turned his head and looked Gerard fully in the face. Devoid of make-up and sprouting a healthy crop of late night stubble, Gerard looked like the world's oldest sixteen year old. Frank loved him this way; somehow naked fully clothed and so damned open and unprotected that Frank sometimes found himself shadowing him. Just in case anyone … not that they would ever dare, there was more to Gerard that his civilian appearance indicated.
A smile played around his lips, sensual and inviting, and for once the confidence he exuded seemed real because it wasn't for the camera. Frank looked wildly around the room; it better not be for the camera. He licked his lips, desperately trying to spread almost non-existent moisture, and worried he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life.
Fuck it. Some trains simply have to be hopped on, especially if you have no idea if it's ever going to pass your way again. "Water," he said with a defiant grin, and the triumph on Gerard's face tightened the knot of tension coiling in Frank's chest.
"You're so fucking hot when you're smart," Gerard breathed in his ear, "I don't know how I've manage to wait this long."
He climbed on the bed; straddled Frank's thighs as though his ass were at home there and reached toward the bedside table. Frank greedily eyed the beaker of water Gerard picked up, but didn't care one bit for the smile on his face. The one that said 'I can make you pull flesh from your bones and offer it to me, and then have you thank me for taking it'. It always made Frank want to look up old mining towns in England and move there, even if it were true that he'd soon cave and drop Gerard a postcard with a return address if he ever got that far.
Gerard dipped his finger inside the glass and swirled hours old water, disturbing the dust particles that had settled there. He leaned forward, the hem of his tee brushing Frank's balls just as the first droplet hit the centre of Frank's bottom lip. Two, three, four more and then Gerard was spreading water over parched skin inside his mouth and over his lips before bringing the glass close and tipping the contents so that barely enough loosened Frank's saliva.
The drips on his neck were a shock; cold water over ink embedded skin and then Gerard's hot tongue finally on him, apparently intent on chasing Frank's scorpion to another part of his body. Small splashes in the hollow of his throat, and Gerard lapping greedily as though he were the thirsty one and Frank the oasis. Oh God, maybe he was dreaming, he never had this kind of luck in real life. Or maybe this was just his kind of luck because apparently he was the only one who got to be naked. Frank nuzzled against the side of Gerard's face and tried to capture his lips as he raised his head. Gerard pulled back his eyes dancing as he slowly poured the remainder of the water over Frank's chest and belly. Frank gasped.
"No kissing me. No talking, unless it's the safety word, and no moving. Actually, fuck that; you can squirm if you want to."
Gerard let the empty beaker tumble to the floor and the resulting crash was loud enough in the quiet of the hotel room to make Frank afraid that someone would come running. He held his breath, but nobody did. Gerard spread his body the full length of Frank's and laced his fingers with Frank's numbing ones. For the first time since he cut it, Frank wished Gerard's hair was still long; he nursed a long held fantasy about Gerard's hair and how it would feel against naked skin. Cotton clung to Frank's wet upper body and worn denim slid sensually over his hips and thighs. He bucked up against Gerard's very hard cock, eliciting a gasp from the other man and a frown.
"That isn't squirming, now quit cheating or I'm leaving."
Gerard laid his head on Frank's chest and looked up at him, hazel eyes curious and penetrating, and Frank resisted the urge to look away. He had no idea what Gerard was searching for or maybe he was just seeing if Frank could deal with such close scrutiny, but he had no intention of failing whatever it was. He soon grew uncomfortable, afraid Gerard would see all that he felt for him and wanted from him in the quiet odd moments he allowed himself that guilty luxury. Until he realised that this was a two way street and there was desire-laced affection being reflected back at him so fiercely that it made his heart giddy-up.
Gerard stroked the side of Frank's face, running his hand down his throat until he found the rapidly fluttering pulse point. He held his hand there for a moment and then moved his head around so he could put his nose and lips against it; trailing hot kisses all the way around to and stopping at Frank's lips. He let hot breath tickle them but nothing else; it sent a fresh bout of shivers over Frank's body.
"Come for me like the horny bastard you are, baby, and you can kiss me all you want. Maybe I'll even bend over and let you ride me." Gerard slowly started to rock his hips, adjusting his position until Frank's naked cock was aligned with his, trapped and straining to be free of denim. "Wear the ten gallon hat you bought in Dallas, and the '45's you don't think anyone knows you've got stashed in your luggage."
Frank pulled at his ropes; he couldn't help it, the thought of Gerard under him letting him in made his cock twitch and his palms itch to be on Gerard's butt, pressing down for closer friction and kneading newly toned flesh, one of the many benefits of The Abstinence Tour (TM) and fuck it, he hated not being able to touch him. It was bizarre to go so quickly from thinking about Jaima's hands on him to needing his own on Gerard, but Gerard had perfected that wiggle on stage and it was just there where he needed it most, even if the pace was too fucking slow. Gerard's self-control was almost as obsessive as his lack of it used to be and Frank thought he might die soon if it carried on this way. Except Gerard's fingers tightened then in Frank's numbing ones and the low moan in his throat was barely audible but it was there, and sweet merciful Jesus, his pace quickened for a few blissful seconds ... and stopped. Gerard's expression as he looked up at Frank was unreadable, largely because Frank was thinking with his cock and balls instead of his brain, but he had the distinct feeling that as Gerard looked into his eyes he was searching again and raking over his very soul.
"Do you have something you want to say to me, Frank?"
Frank clamped his mouth shut tight and caught himself in time before he shook his head in vehement denial.
"Good boy," Gerard said and started to move again. The shock of much needed and unexpected friction almost caused Frank to lose it before he got with the program.
"I've been thinking," Gerard continued, his voice a thick fog in his throat, and at that Frank did squirm, because he was allowed and couldn't not if his life depended on it. "You like kissing me so much on stage so what's to stop you from Frenching me in front of thousands? In fact I don't mind you feeling me up in front of them any time you like. Some will think it's for real and others will think it's just part of the act, either way most of 'em will cream their pants and you ... You can remember me doing this to you and how you took it in silence like I asked you to because you've wanted me for so long, and you know I'm worth the fucking wait." Gerard flicked his tongue over Frank's nipples in turn, teased the hardened nubs with the tip of his incisors and planted open mouth kisses all over his chest. He let out a ragged sigh. "And fuck, so are you."
"Untie me! " Frank yelled silently and thought seriously about the safety word. But time outs were for wimps and he had a horrible feeling it would be more like a time over if he used it. Besides he was going to come soon or die from being on the edge for too long.
"We always dance the two of us, but this; fuck me." Gerard ground against him, releasing his grip on Frank's hand so that he could grab Frank's ass for better leverage, and speeded up again, panting hotly as he buried his face against Frank's neck. Frank realised later it was the sudden silence that did it for him. He was used to Gerard talking through almost everything on the planet including the movie if they ever got time off to go to the cinema, but Gerard suddenly just stopped talking, held on to Frank's ass, gripped his hair as though he was holding on for dear life and went for it like a man possessed.
"Water!" Frank shouted. "Fuckin' water, you fuckin' bastard," he shrieked at the top of his voice as his body slipped blissfully over the edge and his mind into oblivion.
~*~
The hand on Frank's head was stroking him gently and he tried and failed miserably to sit up quickly, convinced he'd just had the horniest dream of his life and someone was going to see his boner and tease him for a straight week. The warmth from the duvet let him know he was covered and he heaved a sigh of relief and blinked owlishly up at Gerard. "Am I sick?"
Gerard grinned. "No, but I don't mind playing doctors and nurses with you any time you like."
"Huh? I was cold and ..." Frank pulled at his arms and legs only to find that he was still tied on his right side. "Oh God!"
Gerard leaned over him and planted a lingering kiss on his cheek. "You can just call me, Father Way when we're alone." He grinned. "That was amazing; I haven't come in my pants for years." He brushed his lips over Frank's shocked mouth and everything came back in vivid Technicolor. "Don't plan on leaving the country without me, because you know I'll hunt you down."
Frank's mind was racing and he felt panic fluttering in his chest as Gerard made his way to the door. "Looks like you're the one who's leaving. Gerard!"
Gerard turned fully round with his back to the door; deftly caught the handle, twisted it, and pulled the door toward him. "If you hate me ... Don't hate me. If you don't hate me, come and find me. I always keep good on my promises," he said, with a slow lopsided grin as his goodbye, and left.
~*~
Chapter 2
Gerard watched Frank fight with his binding for a bit, looking a lot like a frustrated mutt trying to free himself from the dogcatcher's noose. He looked surprised when he achieved his aim, ran his hands over his wrists in turn and then rubbed his ankles, wincing and contemplating the marks as though he couldn't decide if he should have ink over them. He also looked bewildered and Gerard could understand that, and he had hated just up and leaving that way but he didn't know how else he could have ended it. At least this way if Frank regretted any of it he could avoid any fanfare and words spoken in the heat of the moment, which in Gerard's experience rarely meant anything once the post orgasmic high had dissipated.
He clicked the door closed quietly and made his way down the corridor back to his and Mikey's hotel room. Mikey was snoring loudly and Gerard instinctively rolled him over on to his side as he passed by him. Mikey pulled his duvet close and curled around it like it was a lifeline, but his breathing eased and he looked more relaxed than he had done off stage since they had neared the end of the UK leg of the tour.
Gerard contemplated a shower but he was reluctant to wash away the smell of sex and Frank, and who knew if and when he would have a chance to enjoy that again? He decided to wait until morning; at least this way he could almost believe Frank was at the side of him. He dropped into bed fully clothed and slept better than he had sober or otherwise in two years.
~*~
Mikey's hair obscured his face as he leaned over to tie his sneakers and for the millionth time, it felt like, Gerard wondered when he was going to persuade him to cut it and start wearing contact lenses.
"You have your thing goin' on and I have mine," Mikey always said whenever Gerard busted his chops about it. "You're the show-off, I'm the nerd."
"I know that, but there's no reason why everyone shouldn't be able to tell that you're a pretty nerd."
They had the same argument over but Gerard thought Mikey was weakening.
Mikey looked up suddenly and scowled. "Quit staring Gerard; I'll cut it when I'm good and ready."
Gerard flashed Mikey an innocent smile. "Hey, Mikey. You headed out for breakfast?"
Mikey nodded and the smile he flashed obliterated his frown and made Gerard grin. "Are you coming with us?"
"I'll catch up to you. I need a shower real bad." Gerard wrinkled his nose in disgust and pondered the merits of romantic notions versus the consequences.
His heart speeded up at the thought of the night before and he couldn't tell if he was more horny or scared. Frank had seemed eager enough and he played along better than Gerard had dared hope he would. The question now, was what came next?
Mikey left as soon as a laughing Bob and a shell-shocked looking Ray stopped by. Apparently some kid in the elevator had started crying hysterically at Ray and so Bob was threatening to braid his hair.
"Get lost, Bryar. She was crying at your sour puss, not my 'fro. Hey guys. Are you getting up, Gerard?"
"Yep. Some time today, I absolutely will get up." Gerard laughed. "Might not be 'til later but I'll be up for the show. Where's Frank?"
"Dunno," Bob shrugged, "he's not answering his door or his phone."
"He must be tired. Catch you guys later."
Gerard rolled put of bed the moment the door closed and started to peel off the clothes that were stuck to him. The shower water was good and hot even if the pressure was approximately as forceful as Coldplay concert, and he stood for ten full minutes under it before he even thought about washing himself down. Steam filled the air but he could still see the thin rivulets running down over his abdomen and pooling at his feet. He would never be able to think about the word 'water' again with any innocence and as he grew aroused he thought about taking the edge off before he went to find the guys.
But Gerard resisted because he really liked the idea of being horny when he bumped into Frank again; that anticipatory slow burn throughout his limbs and torso and how it made his senses alive and everything sexy. Gerard teased himself for a few minutes, his hand creeping ever closer to his erection until he gave up, let out a shaky sigh and reached for the shampoo.
His mouth tasted like feet and he couldn't wait to brush his teeth the moment he was out of the shower. None of them were especially busy today for a change and he liked the idea of slumming it in a tee and jeans when they shopped, and he thought it entirely possible he might get one more wear out of his badly fading but much loved Madonna shirt. He liked the look on fans' faces when he was out of stage gear and make-up; they nearly always looked puzzled and often stared as though he were only a doppelganger rather than the real Gerard Way. Teeth defuzzed, he slung his towel round his hips, pleased that there was surplus towel these days, and wondered what it was going to be like when he saw Frank.
"Fuck!" he yelled, jumping in that horrid way that made him think a snake just bit him.
He froze in the doorway, water dripping from his hair to his toes and he couldn't get over his attention to insignificant detail. Not when Frank was right there in front of him, sitting on his bed with his arms wrapped around his knees looking for the entire world like Bert McCracken on a night out with a groupie. There was a watchful, almost predatory look on his face, and a kind of manic lust that had him raking his eyes over Gerard from head to toe. Gerard realised just how little he had on then and forced himself not to fidget.
"Mikey let me in," Frank said as the silence started to stretch out. "He gave me his key and said I should drag you out of bed."
Gerard looked around for something to put on and wondered if he could hot foot it back to the bathroom without losing any cool points.
"Gerard, come here," Frank said, a slow sensual smile lighting up his face. Gerard's feet listened even as his brain was saying 'no, I'm the one who always says jump, remember?' He stopped in front of Frank.
"Don't, ok?" Frank said as he got up on his knees. He ran his hand up the back of Gerard's neck, twisted his fingers in the hair growing at the nape and pulled him forward. "Don't even think about covering yourself up in front of me." He pulled Gerard closer and actually licked his lips as they moved toward each other. "I've been thinking about this all fucking night," he said, and kissed him.
There was little elegance about the kiss; Frank's lip ring caught the corner of Gerard's mouth as he forced his lips apart and devoured him, but it didn't matter. Gerard had teased himself as much as he had Frank with the promise of this kiss and he barely stifled a moan when Frank laced the fingers of both hands at the back of his head and pulled him forward until he had little choice besides totally closing the gap between them or risk falling over.
Gerard could feel the air conditioning rapidly cooling his skin, even as his blood turned to liquid heat, and he shivered. Frank wrapped his arms around him and pulled him on to the bed. "I'm going to enjoy warming you up. And touching you; d'you have any idea how frustrating it was last night when I couldn't touch you?"
Gerard grinned knowingly. "That's kind of the point, and besides you're hot when you're at my mercy."
"Smart ass. Let's see how you feel with the tables turned." Frank pushed Gerard on his back and lay down at the side of him. Gerard eyed Frank with anticipation as he propped his face up on the heel of one hand and looked at him. "I wish I could draw like you; I could have captured those unselfconscious moments when you didn't know I was looking at you."
Gerard looked at Frank and felt himself blush before he even opened his mouth. "I always know when you're looking at me."
Frank rested his forehead on Gerard's shoulder and barked out a laugh. "Even your ego has to sleep Gerard, although I have to admit I swear I did see your hair arrange itself just so …"
Gerard whapped the back of Frank's head, his fingers only angry until they found the shape of it, and molded against the curve of his occipital bone. Frank pushed his head back like a cat aiming for more vigor, more friction, just more against its ears and slung his arm across Gerard's waist.
Gerard was used to Frank cuddling up to him; they all did it at some point or another and it was mostly domesticity and even laziness if one of them just couldn't be assed to move to their own bunk, and in the past it had been a way to touch ground and not lose their minds over the way their rocket was taking off. But things would be different now at least between him and Frank, and Gerard wondered if they would ever have that easy familiarity again. He doubted it if the way Frank was looking down at him was anything to go by. Frank's eyes were slightly manic, as though he couldn't quite believe he was here in this situation and as they widened Gerard thought for a horrible second that Frank might bottle it and run for the door.
But he didn't, and the look of bliss that washed over his face as he ran his hand over Gerard's abdomen and chest was something Gerard knew he had to draw later because no one had ever looked at him that way before. Neither screaming fan nor significant other had ever wanted him quite like this and understood what it really was they wanted. Frank's kiss was better aimed this time and he slid his hand between Gerard's shoulders so he could bring him closer. He hooked his leg over Gerard's hips and Gerard pushed forward until he was snug between Frank's thighs.
Gerard had never really thought this wouldn't happen, he'd not even really considered the possibility since Frank had joined the band, only gone through various scenarios that led up to this point. It just hadn't occurred to him that it would feel so fucking gloriously right. He never worried that they would be putting the band in jeopardy or that they were risking a great friendship if things didn't go right, because this was one of those things where life didn't give you a choice. No chance to say 'I'm sorry this is inconvenient, we're with other people and our livelihoods and that of others depend on us', because from the moment they'd met Gerard had had no choice. It was live with loving Frank or leave. That didn't mean it had been easy for him to accept and he'd spent the best part of the last year terrified because he was sober, which meant he could think straight, and he thought about Frank and him until he almost fell off the wagon.
In the end it came down to a clear question of when he wanted to start his life, his personal life. He was fairly certain Frank had given up on him, although he would sometimes catch a questioning look on Frank's face or a look of longing that hardly made sense seeing as he was heavily involved with Jamia, but Gerard thought that relationship was mostly based on survival instinct. He'd also seen the look on Jaima's face too, a kind of hurt inevitability that made him feel like a bastard but he was helpless to ease. And if he was wrong about this and Frank didn't want him then he would channel every earth shattering shard of pain that came with that and scream until it went Platinum.
Simple plan.
But this felt like they had hit the ground running with their hands clasped tight.
He barely noticed when he lost his towel, and Frank's clothes came with special powers that seemed to help enormously with his eagerness to get inside them and with the clumsiness of his hands. His fucking hands, which were supposed to make works of art and help him to express how he felt if only he could stop them from trembling. And after a time they did, as though they understood that they were where they were meant to be, and they roved and manipulated until Frank and Gerard were such a tangled mess of limbs and slick sweat that Gerard could barely tell their hands from their feet anyway. As long as they were touching it didn't matter to him.
Frank turned Gerard over and reached for the lube and condom that Gerard had fished from behind his pillow.
"I can't tell if you're a cocky bastard for being so sure of yourself or so sure of me." Frank whispered in his ear as he pushed inside him.
"Not cocky," Gerard breathed as he forced himself to relax against the stretch. "Optimistic."
It got easier as Frank slide his hand around Gerard's cock and started to stroke him. He maneuvered them until they were both on their sides and Gerard was flush against his torso. Gerard's breath hitched in his chest as pleasure washed over him now Frank had better access. He wondered fleetingly what the chances were of Mikey coming back any time soon, or worse still all of them, but as Frank rocked into him, his free hand in Gerard's hair, his teeth making tiny indents across Gerard's shoulders, Gerard found he really didn't give much of a fuck. Maybe something this hot should be witnessed and he suddenly understood Ray's mad obsession with filming anything and everything.
"Harder," he growled, pushing himself back to meet Frank's thrusts.
"You're a pushy bitch even when you're subbing." Frank said and stopped moving.
Oh God!
This was payback if Gerard had ever been sent the bill and he pushed backwards trying to find friction, something, anything that would keep the momentum going and stop him going crazy with need. Frank moaned against him and started to move again, his breath sending shivers through Gerard's body and his moans giving up any pretense that he could actually play that game. He fucked him harder and deeper, his hand funnelling around Gerard's cock, tossing and squeezing until Gerard spilled over his hand, gasping and clutching the duvet. Frank stiffened behind him and yelled out something Gerard was convinced wasn't even human.
A smile spread over his face; Frank fucked like he played guitar.
They lay still for a while not talking and Frank slid his arm around Gerard's waist and held him as they caught their breath. And then he let out a relieved giggle that had a touch of hysteria attached to it.
Gerard looked back at him. "You could at least take your cock out of my ass before you laugh at me, man."
"No, don't be an ass. I was just thinking; you're a great lay, Way, and then the thought went off on tangents and got ridiculous. I'm sorry, I get like this after I've come, it's a reaction thing."
The moment Gerard felt Frank slip from inside him he turned over and pulled him into another kiss. "I can live with that," he said when they finally came up for air.
It was a simple thing and a loaded thing to say and Frank stared right into Gerard's eyes. Frank's eyes seemed to lose the murk that made them hazel and they shone pure green. One of the things that attracted Gerard to Frank initially was the way he seemed to hold colour; he seemed more vibrant and there than anyone else and even when he lacked sleep or was sick he still managed to look like an extra from the set of Smallville. It made him look like a toony or something that had leaped from Gerard's pencils.
"How long have you had a stash under your pillow, Gerard?"
Gerard was confused for a moment and thought Frank might be accusing him of something. And then his fingers brushed against the lube top on their way to Frank's back and he mentally kicked himself for being defensive about his past addictions. Especially around Frank who hadn't judged him once.
He sighed and pulled Frank closer. "About a month or so."
Frank raised his eyebrows. "Even on the bus?"
"We live there, dude; especially on the bus."
The End
Author: Buddy
Fandom: MCR
Pairing: Gerard/Frank
Rating: Adult
Summary: In which Gerard gets fed up of stalling and takes a leap of faith.
Author's notes: Pov changes from Frank to Gerard in chapter 2. I thought this was complete but the guys disagreed with me. More could follow later.
Beta Reader: Many thanks to cloudsurfing for this. I've tweaked post beta so any remaining mistakes are mine; if you spot any please point them out.
Crossposted to mychemicalslash
Chapter 1
Frank wasn't sure if it was the cold that awoke him or the dream about last night's gig.The look on Gerard's face after Frank spat over his head had been priceless. Full of 'I can't believe you just did that you nutcase, but I'm kinda impressed. And it's complicated but I fucking love what you do. Fucking love you'. Ok, maybe most of that was the dream but those kinds of feelings can wake a guy up with their intensity.
Maybe that had something to do with it, but he was cold, and the instinctive desire to drag the duvet over himself was thwarted by his inability to move either his arms or his legs. That was most definitely not a Good Thing. He had this childhood fear that he was going to loose a limb, it had started right around the time he began to play guitar and unsurprisingly had gotten worse since he'd started to get inked. He just knew if he lost his arm it would be the one with the most tattoos.
He raised his head and peered into dim lamplight toward the foot of the bed; no, the guys hadn't dumped an empty trunk on him like the last time they had stayed in a hotel, but he was more naked than he cared to be when he couldn't remember why. Also, there was no duvet.
"What the fuck?"
Spread eagled and fastened to wrought iron by too thin rope that had already marked his wrists, he decided this was too vivid to be some weird assed nightmare. He wriggled his fingers and toes, which were still all present and accounted for, although his wrists and ankles really ached, and he wondered how long he'd been tied up and how the fuck they'd managed it without waking him. Very unlikely to be a dream as his growing sense of helpless vulnerability made it suddenly hard to breathe, which felt very fucking real, and he was almost positive he wasn't alone in the room. He laid his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes for a few moments; he was willing to have a eureka moment over God and pray that it wasn't the guys, which only left Jamia, who was back home. Unless she'd suddenly got spontaneous and ...
Well hell yeah
Suddenly his morning wood developed cognitive powers and the ability to transfigure as it became more like a trunk than a branch and he could barely bring himself to look sideways just in case Bob and Ray were grinning at the side of him. He jumped as he sensed movement on his left.
"Pick a safety word, but don't say anything else," Gerard said softly, so very close to Frank's ear.
Frank opened his mouth to protest and was immediately shushed by one long finger that smelled of pencil shavings and fixative spray.
"Wait, before you speak, ok? Just take a deep breath and think for a few seconds. If you're even remotely curious pick a word. If not, I'll let you go and we can pretend it was a joke."
Frank didn't get it. Gerard hadn't acted this weird in forever; the sets lately had been fucking awesome, the crowds a wet dream, and all the guys were having a ball. He knew they all loved being a part of the band, even Mikey was gaining in confidence and contributing more, and the chemistry between himself and Gerard on stage was ...
Fuck.
For so long he hadn't known what to do with all the energy they generated, and Jamia certainly didn't complain about the surplus, but there had always been this hollow space in his chest because it meant something to him and Gerard always dismissed it as entertainment. Maybe he'd been wrong, last night had seemed different. He shivered at the thought and the goose bumps covering his body tightened uncomfortably. He realised then how dry his mouth was and contemplated telling Gerard to let him the fuck up before he died of thirst.
'Wait ... think for a few seconds'
Gerard's command echoed inside his head, and Frank turned his head and looked Gerard fully in the face. Devoid of make-up and sprouting a healthy crop of late night stubble, Gerard looked like the world's oldest sixteen year old. Frank loved him this way; somehow naked fully clothed and so damned open and unprotected that Frank sometimes found himself shadowing him. Just in case anyone … not that they would ever dare, there was more to Gerard that his civilian appearance indicated.
A smile played around his lips, sensual and inviting, and for once the confidence he exuded seemed real because it wasn't for the camera. Frank looked wildly around the room; it better not be for the camera. He licked his lips, desperately trying to spread almost non-existent moisture, and worried he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life.
Fuck it. Some trains simply have to be hopped on, especially if you have no idea if it's ever going to pass your way again. "Water," he said with a defiant grin, and the triumph on Gerard's face tightened the knot of tension coiling in Frank's chest.
"You're so fucking hot when you're smart," Gerard breathed in his ear, "I don't know how I've manage to wait this long."
He climbed on the bed; straddled Frank's thighs as though his ass were at home there and reached toward the bedside table. Frank greedily eyed the beaker of water Gerard picked up, but didn't care one bit for the smile on his face. The one that said 'I can make you pull flesh from your bones and offer it to me, and then have you thank me for taking it'. It always made Frank want to look up old mining towns in England and move there, even if it were true that he'd soon cave and drop Gerard a postcard with a return address if he ever got that far.
Gerard dipped his finger inside the glass and swirled hours old water, disturbing the dust particles that had settled there. He leaned forward, the hem of his tee brushing Frank's balls just as the first droplet hit the centre of Frank's bottom lip. Two, three, four more and then Gerard was spreading water over parched skin inside his mouth and over his lips before bringing the glass close and tipping the contents so that barely enough loosened Frank's saliva.
The drips on his neck were a shock; cold water over ink embedded skin and then Gerard's hot tongue finally on him, apparently intent on chasing Frank's scorpion to another part of his body. Small splashes in the hollow of his throat, and Gerard lapping greedily as though he were the thirsty one and Frank the oasis. Oh God, maybe he was dreaming, he never had this kind of luck in real life. Or maybe this was just his kind of luck because apparently he was the only one who got to be naked. Frank nuzzled against the side of Gerard's face and tried to capture his lips as he raised his head. Gerard pulled back his eyes dancing as he slowly poured the remainder of the water over Frank's chest and belly. Frank gasped.
"No kissing me. No talking, unless it's the safety word, and no moving. Actually, fuck that; you can squirm if you want to."
Gerard let the empty beaker tumble to the floor and the resulting crash was loud enough in the quiet of the hotel room to make Frank afraid that someone would come running. He held his breath, but nobody did. Gerard spread his body the full length of Frank's and laced his fingers with Frank's numbing ones. For the first time since he cut it, Frank wished Gerard's hair was still long; he nursed a long held fantasy about Gerard's hair and how it would feel against naked skin. Cotton clung to Frank's wet upper body and worn denim slid sensually over his hips and thighs. He bucked up against Gerard's very hard cock, eliciting a gasp from the other man and a frown.
"That isn't squirming, now quit cheating or I'm leaving."
Gerard laid his head on Frank's chest and looked up at him, hazel eyes curious and penetrating, and Frank resisted the urge to look away. He had no idea what Gerard was searching for or maybe he was just seeing if Frank could deal with such close scrutiny, but he had no intention of failing whatever it was. He soon grew uncomfortable, afraid Gerard would see all that he felt for him and wanted from him in the quiet odd moments he allowed himself that guilty luxury. Until he realised that this was a two way street and there was desire-laced affection being reflected back at him so fiercely that it made his heart giddy-up.
Gerard stroked the side of Frank's face, running his hand down his throat until he found the rapidly fluttering pulse point. He held his hand there for a moment and then moved his head around so he could put his nose and lips against it; trailing hot kisses all the way around to and stopping at Frank's lips. He let hot breath tickle them but nothing else; it sent a fresh bout of shivers over Frank's body.
"Come for me like the horny bastard you are, baby, and you can kiss me all you want. Maybe I'll even bend over and let you ride me." Gerard slowly started to rock his hips, adjusting his position until Frank's naked cock was aligned with his, trapped and straining to be free of denim. "Wear the ten gallon hat you bought in Dallas, and the '45's you don't think anyone knows you've got stashed in your luggage."
Frank pulled at his ropes; he couldn't help it, the thought of Gerard under him letting him in made his cock twitch and his palms itch to be on Gerard's butt, pressing down for closer friction and kneading newly toned flesh, one of the many benefits of The Abstinence Tour (TM) and fuck it, he hated not being able to touch him. It was bizarre to go so quickly from thinking about Jaima's hands on him to needing his own on Gerard, but Gerard had perfected that wiggle on stage and it was just there where he needed it most, even if the pace was too fucking slow. Gerard's self-control was almost as obsessive as his lack of it used to be and Frank thought he might die soon if it carried on this way. Except Gerard's fingers tightened then in Frank's numbing ones and the low moan in his throat was barely audible but it was there, and sweet merciful Jesus, his pace quickened for a few blissful seconds ... and stopped. Gerard's expression as he looked up at Frank was unreadable, largely because Frank was thinking with his cock and balls instead of his brain, but he had the distinct feeling that as Gerard looked into his eyes he was searching again and raking over his very soul.
"Do you have something you want to say to me, Frank?"
Frank clamped his mouth shut tight and caught himself in time before he shook his head in vehement denial.
"Good boy," Gerard said and started to move again. The shock of much needed and unexpected friction almost caused Frank to lose it before he got with the program.
"I've been thinking," Gerard continued, his voice a thick fog in his throat, and at that Frank did squirm, because he was allowed and couldn't not if his life depended on it. "You like kissing me so much on stage so what's to stop you from Frenching me in front of thousands? In fact I don't mind you feeling me up in front of them any time you like. Some will think it's for real and others will think it's just part of the act, either way most of 'em will cream their pants and you ... You can remember me doing this to you and how you took it in silence like I asked you to because you've wanted me for so long, and you know I'm worth the fucking wait." Gerard flicked his tongue over Frank's nipples in turn, teased the hardened nubs with the tip of his incisors and planted open mouth kisses all over his chest. He let out a ragged sigh. "And fuck, so are you."
"Untie me! " Frank yelled silently and thought seriously about the safety word. But time outs were for wimps and he had a horrible feeling it would be more like a time over if he used it. Besides he was going to come soon or die from being on the edge for too long.
"We always dance the two of us, but this; fuck me." Gerard ground against him, releasing his grip on Frank's hand so that he could grab Frank's ass for better leverage, and speeded up again, panting hotly as he buried his face against Frank's neck. Frank realised later it was the sudden silence that did it for him. He was used to Gerard talking through almost everything on the planet including the movie if they ever got time off to go to the cinema, but Gerard suddenly just stopped talking, held on to Frank's ass, gripped his hair as though he was holding on for dear life and went for it like a man possessed.
"Water!" Frank shouted. "Fuckin' water, you fuckin' bastard," he shrieked at the top of his voice as his body slipped blissfully over the edge and his mind into oblivion.
~*~
The hand on Frank's head was stroking him gently and he tried and failed miserably to sit up quickly, convinced he'd just had the horniest dream of his life and someone was going to see his boner and tease him for a straight week. The warmth from the duvet let him know he was covered and he heaved a sigh of relief and blinked owlishly up at Gerard. "Am I sick?"
Gerard grinned. "No, but I don't mind playing doctors and nurses with you any time you like."
"Huh? I was cold and ..." Frank pulled at his arms and legs only to find that he was still tied on his right side. "Oh God!"
Gerard leaned over him and planted a lingering kiss on his cheek. "You can just call me, Father Way when we're alone." He grinned. "That was amazing; I haven't come in my pants for years." He brushed his lips over Frank's shocked mouth and everything came back in vivid Technicolor. "Don't plan on leaving the country without me, because you know I'll hunt you down."
Frank's mind was racing and he felt panic fluttering in his chest as Gerard made his way to the door. "Looks like you're the one who's leaving. Gerard!"
Gerard turned fully round with his back to the door; deftly caught the handle, twisted it, and pulled the door toward him. "If you hate me ... Don't hate me. If you don't hate me, come and find me. I always keep good on my promises," he said, with a slow lopsided grin as his goodbye, and left.
~*~
Chapter 2
Gerard watched Frank fight with his binding for a bit, looking a lot like a frustrated mutt trying to free himself from the dogcatcher's noose. He looked surprised when he achieved his aim, ran his hands over his wrists in turn and then rubbed his ankles, wincing and contemplating the marks as though he couldn't decide if he should have ink over them. He also looked bewildered and Gerard could understand that, and he had hated just up and leaving that way but he didn't know how else he could have ended it. At least this way if Frank regretted any of it he could avoid any fanfare and words spoken in the heat of the moment, which in Gerard's experience rarely meant anything once the post orgasmic high had dissipated.
He clicked the door closed quietly and made his way down the corridor back to his and Mikey's hotel room. Mikey was snoring loudly and Gerard instinctively rolled him over on to his side as he passed by him. Mikey pulled his duvet close and curled around it like it was a lifeline, but his breathing eased and he looked more relaxed than he had done off stage since they had neared the end of the UK leg of the tour.
Gerard contemplated a shower but he was reluctant to wash away the smell of sex and Frank, and who knew if and when he would have a chance to enjoy that again? He decided to wait until morning; at least this way he could almost believe Frank was at the side of him. He dropped into bed fully clothed and slept better than he had sober or otherwise in two years.
~*~
Mikey's hair obscured his face as he leaned over to tie his sneakers and for the millionth time, it felt like, Gerard wondered when he was going to persuade him to cut it and start wearing contact lenses.
"You have your thing goin' on and I have mine," Mikey always said whenever Gerard busted his chops about it. "You're the show-off, I'm the nerd."
"I know that, but there's no reason why everyone shouldn't be able to tell that you're a pretty nerd."
They had the same argument over but Gerard thought Mikey was weakening.
Mikey looked up suddenly and scowled. "Quit staring Gerard; I'll cut it when I'm good and ready."
Gerard flashed Mikey an innocent smile. "Hey, Mikey. You headed out for breakfast?"
Mikey nodded and the smile he flashed obliterated his frown and made Gerard grin. "Are you coming with us?"
"I'll catch up to you. I need a shower real bad." Gerard wrinkled his nose in disgust and pondered the merits of romantic notions versus the consequences.
His heart speeded up at the thought of the night before and he couldn't tell if he was more horny or scared. Frank had seemed eager enough and he played along better than Gerard had dared hope he would. The question now, was what came next?
Mikey left as soon as a laughing Bob and a shell-shocked looking Ray stopped by. Apparently some kid in the elevator had started crying hysterically at Ray and so Bob was threatening to braid his hair.
"Get lost, Bryar. She was crying at your sour puss, not my 'fro. Hey guys. Are you getting up, Gerard?"
"Yep. Some time today, I absolutely will get up." Gerard laughed. "Might not be 'til later but I'll be up for the show. Where's Frank?"
"Dunno," Bob shrugged, "he's not answering his door or his phone."
"He must be tired. Catch you guys later."
Gerard rolled put of bed the moment the door closed and started to peel off the clothes that were stuck to him. The shower water was good and hot even if the pressure was approximately as forceful as Coldplay concert, and he stood for ten full minutes under it before he even thought about washing himself down. Steam filled the air but he could still see the thin rivulets running down over his abdomen and pooling at his feet. He would never be able to think about the word 'water' again with any innocence and as he grew aroused he thought about taking the edge off before he went to find the guys.
But Gerard resisted because he really liked the idea of being horny when he bumped into Frank again; that anticipatory slow burn throughout his limbs and torso and how it made his senses alive and everything sexy. Gerard teased himself for a few minutes, his hand creeping ever closer to his erection until he gave up, let out a shaky sigh and reached for the shampoo.
His mouth tasted like feet and he couldn't wait to brush his teeth the moment he was out of the shower. None of them were especially busy today for a change and he liked the idea of slumming it in a tee and jeans when they shopped, and he thought it entirely possible he might get one more wear out of his badly fading but much loved Madonna shirt. He liked the look on fans' faces when he was out of stage gear and make-up; they nearly always looked puzzled and often stared as though he were only a doppelganger rather than the real Gerard Way. Teeth defuzzed, he slung his towel round his hips, pleased that there was surplus towel these days, and wondered what it was going to be like when he saw Frank.
"Fuck!" he yelled, jumping in that horrid way that made him think a snake just bit him.
He froze in the doorway, water dripping from his hair to his toes and he couldn't get over his attention to insignificant detail. Not when Frank was right there in front of him, sitting on his bed with his arms wrapped around his knees looking for the entire world like Bert McCracken on a night out with a groupie. There was a watchful, almost predatory look on his face, and a kind of manic lust that had him raking his eyes over Gerard from head to toe. Gerard realised just how little he had on then and forced himself not to fidget.
"Mikey let me in," Frank said as the silence started to stretch out. "He gave me his key and said I should drag you out of bed."
Gerard looked around for something to put on and wondered if he could hot foot it back to the bathroom without losing any cool points.
"Gerard, come here," Frank said, a slow sensual smile lighting up his face. Gerard's feet listened even as his brain was saying 'no, I'm the one who always says jump, remember?' He stopped in front of Frank.
"Don't, ok?" Frank said as he got up on his knees. He ran his hand up the back of Gerard's neck, twisted his fingers in the hair growing at the nape and pulled him forward. "Don't even think about covering yourself up in front of me." He pulled Gerard closer and actually licked his lips as they moved toward each other. "I've been thinking about this all fucking night," he said, and kissed him.
There was little elegance about the kiss; Frank's lip ring caught the corner of Gerard's mouth as he forced his lips apart and devoured him, but it didn't matter. Gerard had teased himself as much as he had Frank with the promise of this kiss and he barely stifled a moan when Frank laced the fingers of both hands at the back of his head and pulled him forward until he had little choice besides totally closing the gap between them or risk falling over.
Gerard could feel the air conditioning rapidly cooling his skin, even as his blood turned to liquid heat, and he shivered. Frank wrapped his arms around him and pulled him on to the bed. "I'm going to enjoy warming you up. And touching you; d'you have any idea how frustrating it was last night when I couldn't touch you?"
Gerard grinned knowingly. "That's kind of the point, and besides you're hot when you're at my mercy."
"Smart ass. Let's see how you feel with the tables turned." Frank pushed Gerard on his back and lay down at the side of him. Gerard eyed Frank with anticipation as he propped his face up on the heel of one hand and looked at him. "I wish I could draw like you; I could have captured those unselfconscious moments when you didn't know I was looking at you."
Gerard looked at Frank and felt himself blush before he even opened his mouth. "I always know when you're looking at me."
Frank rested his forehead on Gerard's shoulder and barked out a laugh. "Even your ego has to sleep Gerard, although I have to admit I swear I did see your hair arrange itself just so …"
Gerard whapped the back of Frank's head, his fingers only angry until they found the shape of it, and molded against the curve of his occipital bone. Frank pushed his head back like a cat aiming for more vigor, more friction, just more against its ears and slung his arm across Gerard's waist.
Gerard was used to Frank cuddling up to him; they all did it at some point or another and it was mostly domesticity and even laziness if one of them just couldn't be assed to move to their own bunk, and in the past it had been a way to touch ground and not lose their minds over the way their rocket was taking off. But things would be different now at least between him and Frank, and Gerard wondered if they would ever have that easy familiarity again. He doubted it if the way Frank was looking down at him was anything to go by. Frank's eyes were slightly manic, as though he couldn't quite believe he was here in this situation and as they widened Gerard thought for a horrible second that Frank might bottle it and run for the door.
But he didn't, and the look of bliss that washed over his face as he ran his hand over Gerard's abdomen and chest was something Gerard knew he had to draw later because no one had ever looked at him that way before. Neither screaming fan nor significant other had ever wanted him quite like this and understood what it really was they wanted. Frank's kiss was better aimed this time and he slid his hand between Gerard's shoulders so he could bring him closer. He hooked his leg over Gerard's hips and Gerard pushed forward until he was snug between Frank's thighs.
Gerard had never really thought this wouldn't happen, he'd not even really considered the possibility since Frank had joined the band, only gone through various scenarios that led up to this point. It just hadn't occurred to him that it would feel so fucking gloriously right. He never worried that they would be putting the band in jeopardy or that they were risking a great friendship if things didn't go right, because this was one of those things where life didn't give you a choice. No chance to say 'I'm sorry this is inconvenient, we're with other people and our livelihoods and that of others depend on us', because from the moment they'd met Gerard had had no choice. It was live with loving Frank or leave. That didn't mean it had been easy for him to accept and he'd spent the best part of the last year terrified because he was sober, which meant he could think straight, and he thought about Frank and him until he almost fell off the wagon.
In the end it came down to a clear question of when he wanted to start his life, his personal life. He was fairly certain Frank had given up on him, although he would sometimes catch a questioning look on Frank's face or a look of longing that hardly made sense seeing as he was heavily involved with Jamia, but Gerard thought that relationship was mostly based on survival instinct. He'd also seen the look on Jaima's face too, a kind of hurt inevitability that made him feel like a bastard but he was helpless to ease. And if he was wrong about this and Frank didn't want him then he would channel every earth shattering shard of pain that came with that and scream until it went Platinum.
Simple plan.
But this felt like they had hit the ground running with their hands clasped tight.
He barely noticed when he lost his towel, and Frank's clothes came with special powers that seemed to help enormously with his eagerness to get inside them and with the clumsiness of his hands. His fucking hands, which were supposed to make works of art and help him to express how he felt if only he could stop them from trembling. And after a time they did, as though they understood that they were where they were meant to be, and they roved and manipulated until Frank and Gerard were such a tangled mess of limbs and slick sweat that Gerard could barely tell their hands from their feet anyway. As long as they were touching it didn't matter to him.
Frank turned Gerard over and reached for the lube and condom that Gerard had fished from behind his pillow.
"I can't tell if you're a cocky bastard for being so sure of yourself or so sure of me." Frank whispered in his ear as he pushed inside him.
"Not cocky," Gerard breathed as he forced himself to relax against the stretch. "Optimistic."
It got easier as Frank slide his hand around Gerard's cock and started to stroke him. He maneuvered them until they were both on their sides and Gerard was flush against his torso. Gerard's breath hitched in his chest as pleasure washed over him now Frank had better access. He wondered fleetingly what the chances were of Mikey coming back any time soon, or worse still all of them, but as Frank rocked into him, his free hand in Gerard's hair, his teeth making tiny indents across Gerard's shoulders, Gerard found he really didn't give much of a fuck. Maybe something this hot should be witnessed and he suddenly understood Ray's mad obsession with filming anything and everything.
"Harder," he growled, pushing himself back to meet Frank's thrusts.
"You're a pushy bitch even when you're subbing." Frank said and stopped moving.
Oh God!
This was payback if Gerard had ever been sent the bill and he pushed backwards trying to find friction, something, anything that would keep the momentum going and stop him going crazy with need. Frank moaned against him and started to move again, his breath sending shivers through Gerard's body and his moans giving up any pretense that he could actually play that game. He fucked him harder and deeper, his hand funnelling around Gerard's cock, tossing and squeezing until Gerard spilled over his hand, gasping and clutching the duvet. Frank stiffened behind him and yelled out something Gerard was convinced wasn't even human.
A smile spread over his face; Frank fucked like he played guitar.
They lay still for a while not talking and Frank slid his arm around Gerard's waist and held him as they caught their breath. And then he let out a relieved giggle that had a touch of hysteria attached to it.
Gerard looked back at him. "You could at least take your cock out of my ass before you laugh at me, man."
"No, don't be an ass. I was just thinking; you're a great lay, Way, and then the thought went off on tangents and got ridiculous. I'm sorry, I get like this after I've come, it's a reaction thing."
The moment Gerard felt Frank slip from inside him he turned over and pulled him into another kiss. "I can live with that," he said when they finally came up for air.
It was a simple thing and a loaded thing to say and Frank stared right into Gerard's eyes. Frank's eyes seemed to lose the murk that made them hazel and they shone pure green. One of the things that attracted Gerard to Frank initially was the way he seemed to hold colour; he seemed more vibrant and there than anyone else and even when he lacked sleep or was sick he still managed to look like an extra from the set of Smallville. It made him look like a toony or something that had leaped from Gerard's pencils.
"How long have you had a stash under your pillow, Gerard?"
Gerard was confused for a moment and thought Frank might be accusing him of something. And then his fingers brushed against the lube top on their way to Frank's back and he mentally kicked himself for being defensive about his past addictions. Especially around Frank who hadn't judged him once.
He sighed and pulled Frank closer. "About a month or so."
Frank raised his eyebrows. "Even on the bus?"
"We live there, dude; especially on the bus."
The End