(no subject)
"And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." - William Shakespeare.
I spent the whole weekend watching movies about love. I just finished watching Sense and Sensibilty and I have the oddest desire to be in love, which, if you have interviewed me lately concerning my thoughts on love in this day and age, you'd know that is very out of character for me. Weird.
I feel like the last two weeks have just being going non stop. So many projects and papers and registering and payments and things to do and roommates to find. Last weekend Sara came and visited me. I made her sit with all my Republican cronies while we did Relay for Life. She loved it. I did have a great time. And I burned off two pounds walking all night....but then most definitley gained it right back. They did a luminary lighting in honor of those that have died from cancer...and it made me so emotional. Again, also very out of character for me. I do not get emotional in public. I do not let people see me cry. And yet, in the silence, as we were all watching the candles burning, I lost it. I was thinking about my family member who have died from cancer and especially my aunt. There was so much about her life I wish I could have made better for her, so many things I wish I could have told her. Sometimes I feel guilty about the way her life ended up and regret not doing the things I could have done to let her know how much she was my hero. In all honesty, she was the only one in my family who never let me down...who I had the greatest esteem for. One of the things that trips me up in my faith so often is the thought of her suffering. It angers me to the core...regardless of the fact that I know she is in "a better place" blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...the things that were done to her in life weren't fair. She is supposed to be here with me now, instead of some of the other family I am forced to pretend to like all the time. Damn it.
Whoa, I've talked about all that zero times in my life. To anyone, and I have no idea what made me write all that now. In rereading all of my past entries...it is clear that I am not one for being sentimental and emotional and I don't like to talk about things... at all.
I got a Dell DJ last week. Um, I'm pretty sure it is amazing and is all the things I knew it would be. It has been my obsession for the last week and a half. I am a better person because of my Dell Dj! Hah! I bought Evan a college republicans shirt, because he wouldn't leave me alone about it. This weekend was Dayla's viola recital...damn, that girl is effin' talented. I mean, you'd think it was the viola she's been playing for how ever many years, not the violin. Share the wealth, geez.
I have found two roommates for next year I think. I picked up flyer they hung up around campus because they were going to be living in the complex I am DYING to live in. And I called them right up and asked about the arrangements and met them the next day. they were super nice and I think it just might work. They're soccer players. yeah, soccer players.
I am tired. My soul is tired. "The greatest weariness comes from work not done."
Eric Hoffer
"Sweetest love, I do not go,/For weariness of thee,/Nor in hope the world can show/A fitter Love for me;/But since that I/Must die at last, tis best/To use myself in jest,/Thus by feigned deaths to die. ~John Donne