(no subject)
life has been such a mess latley. Its like a puzzle, you put all the peices togetheir, just to find out at the end, your missing some. Its bitter, thats how i feel, just bitter. I know i said in my last entry, that it was going to be the last one until school starts up again, but life problems don't just end when you say they do. So i'm just going to write a long entry about whats going on and how i feel and such, read if you want to, but don't criticize my life, i live my life how i want to, its not yours.
Today, was just an awful day. I woke up early, cause when i feel like its going to be a good day, i always get up early, so i won't miss just a second of the day. I took a shower, and did my hair all pretty and such, oh and picked out a drop dead gorgeous outfit might i add. So i was all excited and i found out it seems like he doesn't want to be around me, doesn't want to hang out with me, doesn't want to get to know me. I think after i told him no, for sex, he lost all interst in myself. Why do i allow myself to get hurt so easily? I mean, i should have saw it coming, i think i knew thats allhe wanted, but i told myself different. Cause I'm to the point where i just want someone to hold, just someone to love. thats it! I've given up mostly everything i have just to achieve that, but each time, it always comes down to one thing. Just one thing that keeps me away from being that 'special someone' , is sex. But its not me, its them? He doesn't really like me. Someone who says they like you, but only says it to get laid, doesn't really like you. their just using you, thats all. is that it? or am i just coming up with stupid excuses to not have sex with someone AGAIN?
On another note, I dyed my hair. It looks like shit. Its BLACK, or 'dark brown' as the hair dresser put it.
Well, it doesn't really matter what you call it, cause it just looks awful.
WANTED: BESTFRIEND WHO LIKES TO HAVE FUN, CAN BE HERSELF, WILL HANG OUT WITH ME 24/7 AND WILL TALK ABOUT BOYS WITH ME OH AND WHO LIKES SLEEPOVERS AND SWEDISH FISH AND POPCORN.
I need a bestfriend, cause i don't have one anymore. I don't talk to alex anymore, where'd you go? I miss you so much, but were drifting apart, and thats the truth. You can't deny it yourself alex, and you do nothing to stop it. I tried calling you everday, but then after you not answering your phone i gave up! So i just wait until you call me, WHICH IS NEVER, cause you only call me when you have a problem, or you need someone to answer a question for you. We haven't hung out since lacrosse, you don't want to be around me? is that it? whatever, i'm done, i'm so tried of trying to save our friendship when it seems your just trying to torch it. After 3 years of sleepovers, of boy talk, and everything else. I know your house number just as good as my own, thats how close we were, but no more.
But, I recently discovered i have another crush other then the boy i was talking about in the first part of my entry. He gives me butterflies when i see him, and we have 30mintutes conversations eash day. And each day, that i see him, i look forward to those 30mintutes. They go by so fast, it feels more along the lines of 3mintutes but isn't. I have the biggest smile when i see him, and i get the greatest feeling when he says even my name. I don't know though, i don't think he feels the same way about me, but i hope he does. Cause that would really be something special. It would finally make me happy.
I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks starting Monday, I get a chance to get away, and a chance to take a breath, a chance to think.
i'll see were it goes from there
EDIT
I do have a bestfriend, i couldn't love anyone as much as i love her, i hate to see her sad, it makes me sad
i can't deny that we listen to yellowcard on the bus to lacrosse games, and that we can't help it that we have
better dance skills then you and your bestfriend, and that we have our own religon, oh and we listen to gunther
everyday of our lifes
Today, was just an awful day. I woke up early, cause when i feel like its going to be a good day, i always get up early, so i won't miss just a second of the day. I took a shower, and did my hair all pretty and such, oh and picked out a drop dead gorgeous outfit might i add. So i was all excited and i found out it seems like he doesn't want to be around me, doesn't want to hang out with me, doesn't want to get to know me. I think after i told him no, for sex, he lost all interst in myself. Why do i allow myself to get hurt so easily? I mean, i should have saw it coming, i think i knew thats allhe wanted, but i told myself different. Cause I'm to the point where i just want someone to hold, just someone to love. thats it! I've given up mostly everything i have just to achieve that, but each time, it always comes down to one thing. Just one thing that keeps me away from being that 'special someone' , is sex. But its not me, its them? He doesn't really like me. Someone who says they like you, but only says it to get laid, doesn't really like you. their just using you, thats all. is that it? or am i just coming up with stupid excuses to not have sex with someone AGAIN?
On another note, I dyed my hair. It looks like shit. Its BLACK, or 'dark brown' as the hair dresser put it.
Well, it doesn't really matter what you call it, cause it just looks awful.
WANTED: BESTFRIEND WHO LIKES TO HAVE FUN, CAN BE HERSELF, WILL HANG OUT WITH ME 24/7 AND WILL TALK ABOUT BOYS WITH ME OH AND WHO LIKES SLEEPOVERS AND SWEDISH FISH AND POPCORN.
I need a bestfriend, cause i don't have one anymore. I don't talk to alex anymore, where'd you go? I miss you so much, but were drifting apart, and thats the truth. You can't deny it yourself alex, and you do nothing to stop it. I tried calling you everday, but then after you not answering your phone i gave up! So i just wait until you call me, WHICH IS NEVER, cause you only call me when you have a problem, or you need someone to answer a question for you. We haven't hung out since lacrosse, you don't want to be around me? is that it? whatever, i'm done, i'm so tried of trying to save our friendship when it seems your just trying to torch it. After 3 years of sleepovers, of boy talk, and everything else. I know your house number just as good as my own, thats how close we were, but no more.
But, I recently discovered i have another crush other then the boy i was talking about in the first part of my entry. He gives me butterflies when i see him, and we have 30mintutes conversations eash day. And each day, that i see him, i look forward to those 30mintutes. They go by so fast, it feels more along the lines of 3mintutes but isn't. I have the biggest smile when i see him, and i get the greatest feeling when he says even my name. I don't know though, i don't think he feels the same way about me, but i hope he does. Cause that would really be something special. It would finally make me happy.
I'm going on vacation for 2 weeks starting Monday, I get a chance to get away, and a chance to take a breath, a chance to think.
i'll see were it goes from there
EDIT
I do have a bestfriend, i couldn't love anyone as much as i love her, i hate to see her sad, it makes me sad
i can't deny that we listen to yellowcard on the bus to lacrosse games, and that we can't help it that we have
better dance skills then you and your bestfriend, and that we have our own religon, oh and we listen to gunther
everyday of our lifes