morbid curiosity
So, recently (within the past two months) I looked up my former step siblings on myspace. I don't know why, but I want to see how they're doing. I definitely don't want to talk to them. I just want to see pictures of them and see if they're the same as I remember them. (I think I'm secretly hoping they got fat.) Somewhere inside me I think I'm hoping they're not doing okay. That I'm doing better than they are. That the animosity I feel toward them is justified somehow. It's not a festering or overpowering animosity, just faintly glowing. Like an ember that is burning out. Expect I don't know if I'll ever really forgive them for whatever anguish they caused me, real or imagined. Oh, not to mention they're profiles are private for some stupid fucking reason. What do they have to hide? I just want to spy a little. Can't you cooperate? Maybe this is a sign. I need to do something. Stop focusing on the past. It seems like my life is getting ever more moribund(thank you huge grant).