(no subject)
I slept from about 8:00 pm till 8:00 am this morning. Because I was up at 3:00 am the nite before, gettiing 
yingli and the man off to the airport in time. It has been a pretty busy week with numerous appointments and assignations. Having the house all to myself for 10 days--adjusting the lonely-ometer, and remembering what living by myself is/was like. Grip the dog had to go stay with his grandmother, because I can't walk him. Awwww. But kitties are here to purr on my lap while I type.
The first news is that I am definitely going to get an implanted neurostimulator device. It won't happen till August or September, and I'll have to start the procedure off with a psych consultation at the end of July. I have resisted this idea so much, that upon hearing this final declaration after 2 solid years of unending pain, and myriad tests, procedures, doctors, and theories, that I freaked out on a sad/mad trip for a few days. I was really hoping that one more surgery would fix me. The neurosurgeon says there will not likely be any "fixing", and that I will continue to be in some degree of pain for the rest of my life.
But the glimmerings of hope, in the thought of getting my real life back, albeit in a somewhat tenous time-frame, have begun. It will begin with yet more waiting. (always waiting for the next appointment, next test).
I think it's time to adjust my hopeless-ometer, too. It's not that I've lost hope, but have lived in a limbo of no-life for so long. Maybe now is the time to start making plans.....thinking of the future--a luxury I have been without.
hmmm. Where to begin ?
yingli and the man off to the airport in time. It has been a pretty busy week with numerous appointments and assignations. Having the house all to myself for 10 days--adjusting the lonely-ometer, and remembering what living by myself is/was like. Grip the dog had to go stay with his grandmother, because I can't walk him. Awwww. But kitties are here to purr on my lap while I type.
The first news is that I am definitely going to get an implanted neurostimulator device. It won't happen till August or September, and I'll have to start the procedure off with a psych consultation at the end of July. I have resisted this idea so much, that upon hearing this final declaration after 2 solid years of unending pain, and myriad tests, procedures, doctors, and theories, that I freaked out on a sad/mad trip for a few days. I was really hoping that one more surgery would fix me. The neurosurgeon says there will not likely be any "fixing", and that I will continue to be in some degree of pain for the rest of my life.
But the glimmerings of hope, in the thought of getting my real life back, albeit in a somewhat tenous time-frame, have begun. It will begin with yet more waiting. (always waiting for the next appointment, next test).
I think it's time to adjust my hopeless-ometer, too. It's not that I've lost hope, but have lived in a limbo of no-life for so long. Maybe now is the time to start making plans.....thinking of the future--a luxury I have been without.
hmmm. Where to begin ?