::::::CODE RED........BUSH MONKEY....ON THE LOOSE:::::::
THIS IS NOT A TEST..........I REPEAT.......THIS IS NOT A TEST.........IF YOU HAVE SEEN A PETRIFIED BUSH MONKEY WANDERING IN THE VICINITY OF THE NORTH WESTERN COAST OF THE RIVER KWAI DO NOT BE ALARMED.........I REPEAT.........DO NOT BE ALARMED.......HE MAY BE COLD......LONELY......POSSIBLY RABID......SLIGHTLY DERRANGED.....DEFINITELY MANIC......COMPLETELY SCHITZOPHRENIC......PROBABLY HUNGRY......STINKY AS A COMPOST HEAP.....BUT HE WILL NOT HURT YOU.......HE POSSESSES THE ABILITY TO KILL WITHOUT CAUSING PAIN.....BUT I REPEAT......DO NOT BE ALARMED........PLEASE REFER TO THE CLOSEST HAZMAT HANDBOOK AND CALL THE NUMBER ON THE BACK PAGE.........A CROP DUSTER WILL THEN BE DEPLOYED TO SPREAD FLAKES OF PURE URANIUM OVER THE ENTIRE AREA WHICH WILL PROMPTLY TRANQUILIZE THE BEAST....AT THIS POINT......A TEAM OF HIGHLY TRAINED MONGOLIAN MIDGETS WILL BE DISPATCHED TO INVADE THE PARAMETER......WHERE THEY WILL FIND THE SEDATED CREATURE....AND DECAPITATE IT EXPERTLY WITH BROADSWORDS....WHICH WILL ALLOW THEM TO CARRY OFF ITS NUBBY CORPSE AND ESCAPE TO SAFETY THROUGH A SERIES OF TUNNELS BEFORE THE EFFECTS OF THE URANIUM DUST CAN PULL THEM INTO THE ICY JAWS OF DEATH........AT THIS POINT YOU CAN RELAX FOR THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR........YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH A ROBUST LIFE SPAN OF 3 YEARS COMBINED WITH BOUTS OF LEPROSY AND VISIONS OF HADES...THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION...........GOOD DAY