(no subject)
i've been updating a lot lately since i have so much free time at work.
things have gotten better...easier since yesterday morning. i've definitely accepted it more and have gotten the majority of my crying done. i'm also not thinking about her every second, but a lot of things do remind me of it. i know i will cry again at the service, but i'll be okay until then.
in other news, last night jake and jess came over to hang out. mike decided to come too because he was bored at home. we watched this movie "push" which was pretty cool and then watched tosh.0. it was nice to see jake finally and talk with jess for a bit for the first time since like...senior year. good times.
joey and i got into a bit of an argument last night. he told me that i've been doing this weird thing when i kiss him, but it just started about a month ago and i've been doing it ever since and he was wondering why. so i laughed and told him i didn't know and i didn't even notice it. then i tried to kiss him again and realized i was super self conscious about it and kept trying not to do it and he kinda got frustrated and said that he wasn't saying it was a bad thing and i shouldn't freak out about it. but i wasn't freaking out and long story short, it led to me confessing that i've been really down on myself lately and i couldn't seem to shake the feeling. instead of just talking to me about it, he decided to tell me that i was being ridiculous and am too negative all the time and told me all these other things i've done wrong lately. great, way to make me hate myself more. so i kinda freaked slightly and he apologized and i just kinda shut up and went to sleep.
i got to sleep in a little today and, as usual, i woke up feeling a little better and deciding i was going to try my hardest this weekend and next week to get rid of this horrible feeling and start feeling good about myself (easier said than done). i feel like i need to re-vamp my wardrobe or something. i hate all the clothes i own. i'm so sick of them. but i don't have the money for that type of thing. i also just suck at putting together cute outfits, so i should work on that. i always see girls on tv and stuff that dress so cute and i wish i could do it, but i guess i never really try. i always feel like i'll look stupid or something.
anyway, when joey got home form work this morning we had lunch and then spent a lot of time together, if you know what i mean. =P it was a lot of fun. i'm glad we got that chance because he's going home for the weekend and i'll be lonely in our apartment. in fact, this will be the first time we've spent a night apart since christmas. no joke. i hope i can sleep and i hope i don't freak out about anything stupid once it gets dark out (like i usually do). i hate being alone at night.
but hopefully carie ann is coming over tonight to hang out and watch a movie or something and tomorrow i should be spending the better part of the day with shanelle and megan. then people are supposed to be coming over, hopefully. and maybe i can find someone to hang out with during the day sunday before i got to work at 4.
i just need to keep busy and i know i'll be fine and start feeling better.
things have gotten better...easier since yesterday morning. i've definitely accepted it more and have gotten the majority of my crying done. i'm also not thinking about her every second, but a lot of things do remind me of it. i know i will cry again at the service, but i'll be okay until then.
in other news, last night jake and jess came over to hang out. mike decided to come too because he was bored at home. we watched this movie "push" which was pretty cool and then watched tosh.0. it was nice to see jake finally and talk with jess for a bit for the first time since like...senior year. good times.
joey and i got into a bit of an argument last night. he told me that i've been doing this weird thing when i kiss him, but it just started about a month ago and i've been doing it ever since and he was wondering why. so i laughed and told him i didn't know and i didn't even notice it. then i tried to kiss him again and realized i was super self conscious about it and kept trying not to do it and he kinda got frustrated and said that he wasn't saying it was a bad thing and i shouldn't freak out about it. but i wasn't freaking out and long story short, it led to me confessing that i've been really down on myself lately and i couldn't seem to shake the feeling. instead of just talking to me about it, he decided to tell me that i was being ridiculous and am too negative all the time and told me all these other things i've done wrong lately. great, way to make me hate myself more. so i kinda freaked slightly and he apologized and i just kinda shut up and went to sleep.
i got to sleep in a little today and, as usual, i woke up feeling a little better and deciding i was going to try my hardest this weekend and next week to get rid of this horrible feeling and start feeling good about myself (easier said than done). i feel like i need to re-vamp my wardrobe or something. i hate all the clothes i own. i'm so sick of them. but i don't have the money for that type of thing. i also just suck at putting together cute outfits, so i should work on that. i always see girls on tv and stuff that dress so cute and i wish i could do it, but i guess i never really try. i always feel like i'll look stupid or something.
anyway, when joey got home form work this morning we had lunch and then spent a lot of time together, if you know what i mean. =P it was a lot of fun. i'm glad we got that chance because he's going home for the weekend and i'll be lonely in our apartment. in fact, this will be the first time we've spent a night apart since christmas. no joke. i hope i can sleep and i hope i don't freak out about anything stupid once it gets dark out (like i usually do). i hate being alone at night.
but hopefully carie ann is coming over tonight to hang out and watch a movie or something and tomorrow i should be spending the better part of the day with shanelle and megan. then people are supposed to be coming over, hopefully. and maybe i can find someone to hang out with during the day sunday before i got to work at 4.
i just need to keep busy and i know i'll be fine and start feeling better.