(no subject)
Today was one of those days that served to remind me exactly who I am, in no uncertain terms. Started my day at the shrink for a med check. My meds never change but apparently my liver levels can, so I have to get bloodwork ordered from time to time. I'll probably get the bloodwork done tomorrow. Went to my pharmacy to pick up my meds. My mom asked me to drop off a script at her pharmacy, which I said I'd gladly do...until I discovered that the aforementioned script was a triplicate for a benzo.
I dunno. Maybe I'm being hypersensitive but it's such a struggle for me, and my mom knows it. Would she have given me a script for opiates the same way? I feel like it's a little insensitive. Like when, at family parties, I'm sent to the liquor store. I know it's MY issue, but it's a big issue for me, and I could use a little support and sensitivity in that regard.
I've been growing more and more concerned that I've lost all ability to hold down a "real job." I am completely content watching the kids right now, and that is definitely work, but it's a labor of love, and there's no paperwork or protocol or chain of command. It's family and they're my babies and it's as natural to me as it gets. I would really like to find a part time job once I'm established back in Buffalo. I need the money, but it's more than that. I need to prove to myself that I'm still at least somewhat capable of functioning in society.
I've been a little depressed lately. The summer is over, my life is in transition, I'm leaving Delly in Rochester when I really want her with me, I'm homesick for home when I don't know where that is, I miss being in school, I feel like I've accomplished so little. Nothing major, but enough to cause me to feel a little melancholy.
In more positive news, I blitzed the fuck out of my room at my mom's house in preparation for new window installation. I watched a Hoarders marathon and then went to work. If I haven't touched it in a year and I had no sentimental attachment to it, out it went. I sorted things into piles: donate, trash, save. My room at my Mom's house should really be nothing more than a slightly personalized guestroom, at this point. In less than a month I'll only be staying here two or three nights a week. It should be comfortable and tidy enough to accomodate visitors.
I dunno. Maybe I'm being hypersensitive but it's such a struggle for me, and my mom knows it. Would she have given me a script for opiates the same way? I feel like it's a little insensitive. Like when, at family parties, I'm sent to the liquor store. I know it's MY issue, but it's a big issue for me, and I could use a little support and sensitivity in that regard.
I've been growing more and more concerned that I've lost all ability to hold down a "real job." I am completely content watching the kids right now, and that is definitely work, but it's a labor of love, and there's no paperwork or protocol or chain of command. It's family and they're my babies and it's as natural to me as it gets. I would really like to find a part time job once I'm established back in Buffalo. I need the money, but it's more than that. I need to prove to myself that I'm still at least somewhat capable of functioning in society.
I've been a little depressed lately. The summer is over, my life is in transition, I'm leaving Delly in Rochester when I really want her with me, I'm homesick for home when I don't know where that is, I miss being in school, I feel like I've accomplished so little. Nothing major, but enough to cause me to feel a little melancholy.
In more positive news, I blitzed the fuck out of my room at my mom's house in preparation for new window installation. I watched a Hoarders marathon and then went to work. If I haven't touched it in a year and I had no sentimental attachment to it, out it went. I sorted things into piles: donate, trash, save. My room at my Mom's house should really be nothing more than a slightly personalized guestroom, at this point. In less than a month I'll only be staying here two or three nights a week. It should be comfortable and tidy enough to accomodate visitors.