This is something that i'll never control. My nerves will be the death of me, I know.
I took a nap today and woke up with free-floating anxiety. I'm going to meet Christina's potential business partner to see if it's a good match for them to share me as a nanny this summer since they'll both be working out of his house, but I really don't think that's it. I think it's probably just the fact that I'm no longer on any benzo, and i've been off of them long enough that I was bound to deal with a little bit of anxiety. I don't regret going off of them, I just have to find a way to manage the anxiety and the discomfort until it passes.
I have been feeling like I need to make more progress. I'm three days shy of nine months clean, and I'd like to be actively working towards even more recovery. My psychiatrist suggested I call my old psychologist, the one that fired me, and see if he'd consider seeing me again now that I'm this far out. I called him on Wednesday. You'd think he'd call back either way, on account of it's the professional thing to do, but he might just blow me off. I keep promising i'll go back to my Wednesday night meeting, but I keep coming up with excuses. If you are reading this, I don't care who you are...hound me a little about going back this week, ok? You'd be doing me a big favor, even if I won't admit it on Wednesday.
I got to play with Rita all day yesterday, and I got to play with Henry for a few hours once he got home from school. They recharge my batteries and renew my faith in the world, and I just want to bottle their hugs and kisses and laughs. It sounds cheesy, but there is nothing better than playing with those children. It makes me feel awful to think that even the thought of losing the kids couldn't stop me from using this last time. I love them more than life, I just couldn't kick.
After my day with the kids, Fran, Tommy, and I went to see Alexisonfire play at Town Ballroom. It was a good show. I love having a show to look forward to.
My mom came down with a cold friday morning. I'm really hoping I don't catch it.
We'll see what tomorrow holds. This guy's got a four and-a-half year old and a two year old, and Q is sixteen months. I'd be busy but that's a managable group of kids, especially because the two little kids would take a sizeable afternoon nap. If the pay is right and the situation is right, i'm game. I'm hoping that somebody's got a minivan or SUV so that I can take the kids places, because I don't know how i'll feel being confined at home with three kids all sumer.
I have been feeling like I need to make more progress. I'm three days shy of nine months clean, and I'd like to be actively working towards even more recovery. My psychiatrist suggested I call my old psychologist, the one that fired me, and see if he'd consider seeing me again now that I'm this far out. I called him on Wednesday. You'd think he'd call back either way, on account of it's the professional thing to do, but he might just blow me off. I keep promising i'll go back to my Wednesday night meeting, but I keep coming up with excuses. If you are reading this, I don't care who you are...hound me a little about going back this week, ok? You'd be doing me a big favor, even if I won't admit it on Wednesday.
I got to play with Rita all day yesterday, and I got to play with Henry for a few hours once he got home from school. They recharge my batteries and renew my faith in the world, and I just want to bottle their hugs and kisses and laughs. It sounds cheesy, but there is nothing better than playing with those children. It makes me feel awful to think that even the thought of losing the kids couldn't stop me from using this last time. I love them more than life, I just couldn't kick.
After my day with the kids, Fran, Tommy, and I went to see Alexisonfire play at Town Ballroom. It was a good show. I love having a show to look forward to.
My mom came down with a cold friday morning. I'm really hoping I don't catch it.
We'll see what tomorrow holds. This guy's got a four and-a-half year old and a two year old, and Q is sixteen months. I'd be busy but that's a managable group of kids, especially because the two little kids would take a sizeable afternoon nap. If the pay is right and the situation is right, i'm game. I'm hoping that somebody's got a minivan or SUV so that I can take the kids places, because I don't know how i'll feel being confined at home with three kids all sumer.