(no subject)
So pretty much ..nothings changed...really..im trying to stay strong but i just found a new meaning for that word and its harder to do that than i thought..i mean yeah i may seem fine ..but then i see the one thing that changes that.. the one thing that brings back all the memories , then i think of how things were, before i messed it up, and tore it limb for limb.. I know this..im aware of what i did and i know that im paying for it .. i know this isnt revenge, but this is what i did to myself. It just pretty hard to deal with. I mean a month and a half later and im still just as lost as i was without you if not that then a hell of alot more. I just hate how you say you gave me like 7 ..9 chances I know its you may not really mean that but ...just please..dont make it see like i messed up more than i know i did..its only more pain on me.
Today i thought i was being strong. But things were said. One thing in particular that really struck a nerve and set it all off.. i didnt care who was lookin, do i ever, yeah i was crying, i was crying hard, but you would to if you felt the feelings that i did, you would to if you had to live everyday knowing what you did to make things the way they are. But those words i heard today, i cant get them out of my head, i just think about it and almost break down which im very close to doing but very good at holding it back. Althought its not healthy to do that and i know sometime soon its gunna come out when i dont want it to only therefore making myself look weak. See for some reason i cant let it go.. and frankly, i dont want to. ..
SaRah