hmm...
Ok I'm bored so I decided to write here again. Forgive me if I start to ramble. My dad and sister are watching Butterfly Effect and I refuse to watch it which is why i'm here now.
Well I finally feel that I am starting to get closer to God again. I am really trying to be a good Christian and not let little things get to me. I've been wearing my W.W.J.D braclet and have been taking it literally. I feel that I have been kinder to others and more helpful, I don't know. I really wish I could have afforded gifts for my loved ones this year and I know it's my fault for not having a job. I did have some money but decided to give it to God. I hope I did it for the right reasons. Money makes people crazy. I do believe that it is the root of all evil and once I gave it all away i felt my head clear and I don't have to worry about it. I really did not want any gifts this year. I am content with the things I have and I don't need anything else except for necesscities. Of course there are times when I would love to have it all, and I find that to be very true when it comes to music. I know that God has blessed me in more ways than I deserve. I am so so very fortunate to have the things I do have because I know there are people who are starving and homeless. This is part of the reason I want to be a missionary so that I can help those in need but a selfish part of me is to afraid to give up the things I do have and I often question myself by asking, If I had to, would I die for standing up in what I believe? becasue I know there are missionaries who do die to help others. I feel so awful for thinking that I would be a coward. I know God looks after me and that as long as I live for God I will be ok. But I chicken out. I don't even know if God wants me to be a missionary. I have to follow His Plan. And that's the other thing, I'm so afraid that I'm gonna miss HIs plan for me or that I'll be to afraid to follow it. Why can't I just let everything go and give it to God? I am being selfish and I hate it. I pray everyday hoping that I will grow as a Christian, that I will become more responsible and more caring and helpful. I want to put all others before me but I know that a part of me is holding back. Sometimes I feel like my heart is turning to stone. That may sound dumb and ridiculous but for the longest time I have not been able to cry, truly cry. I'm not saying I want to be sad and crying but I can't even cry for someone else. I don't know. This entry has turned out to be much longer than I intended. So I will leave it at that. God Bless everyone, Merry Christmas,
Danielle
Well I finally feel that I am starting to get closer to God again. I am really trying to be a good Christian and not let little things get to me. I've been wearing my W.W.J.D braclet and have been taking it literally. I feel that I have been kinder to others and more helpful, I don't know. I really wish I could have afforded gifts for my loved ones this year and I know it's my fault for not having a job. I did have some money but decided to give it to God. I hope I did it for the right reasons. Money makes people crazy. I do believe that it is the root of all evil and once I gave it all away i felt my head clear and I don't have to worry about it. I really did not want any gifts this year. I am content with the things I have and I don't need anything else except for necesscities. Of course there are times when I would love to have it all, and I find that to be very true when it comes to music. I know that God has blessed me in more ways than I deserve. I am so so very fortunate to have the things I do have because I know there are people who are starving and homeless. This is part of the reason I want to be a missionary so that I can help those in need but a selfish part of me is to afraid to give up the things I do have and I often question myself by asking, If I had to, would I die for standing up in what I believe? becasue I know there are missionaries who do die to help others. I feel so awful for thinking that I would be a coward. I know God looks after me and that as long as I live for God I will be ok. But I chicken out. I don't even know if God wants me to be a missionary. I have to follow His Plan. And that's the other thing, I'm so afraid that I'm gonna miss HIs plan for me or that I'll be to afraid to follow it. Why can't I just let everything go and give it to God? I am being selfish and I hate it. I pray everyday hoping that I will grow as a Christian, that I will become more responsible and more caring and helpful. I want to put all others before me but I know that a part of me is holding back. Sometimes I feel like my heart is turning to stone. That may sound dumb and ridiculous but for the longest time I have not been able to cry, truly cry. I'm not saying I want to be sad and crying but I can't even cry for someone else. I don't know. This entry has turned out to be much longer than I intended. So I will leave it at that. God Bless everyone, Merry Christmas,
Danielle