(no subject)
I've never really seriously made an update here. It's always been a drunken ramble, a quiz taken because I was procrastinating, or a mysterious whine or rant that the person it was about could always immediately decipher. I mean, let's be serious, I'm a guy. Guys shouldn't update live journals. That could get their guy club memberships cancelled. But in light of recent events, I figured just once wouldn't hurt.
Long story summed into a sentence: I'm charged with a felony at Foxfield and could have my life ruined. Yeah, that's heavy.
Details: I was drinking with my friends like the other 3000 underage persons there, drank too much, passed out, woke up and decided to stumble over to Brian and fall on him, at which point a 'rent-a-cop' walked over behind me and began to arrest me. Of course, being intoxicated, I had no idea what was going on and naturally struggled. Then I was in shock for the next several hours. Here's a list of my charges from that incident: appearing intoxicated in public, assault (on my friend whose name was not taken), assault on an officer (not really an officer), resisting arrest (ridiculous), and obstruction of justice ("proof that the book was thrown at me").
Apparently at some point in the process I cried "I want to kill myself" as an idle drunk ramble. This landed me in the suicide watch program, which mainly consisted of stripping me of all my rights, treating me like a convict, and probably having a good laugh about me around the corner. I tried unsuccessfully to sleep on a tile floor without any sheets or anything next to a hole which was supposed to function as my bathroom as a camera kept 24 hour watch on me. Thanks prison, but I'm pretty sure if I actually wanted to kill myself, I would have weasled into general population and mouthed off. I didn't get food for a good 24 hours. I wasn't allowed to brush my teeth, take a shower, have anything in my cell besides the most uncomfortable smok type garment ever, even make a phone call, and so on. The other inmates conversation pieces were limited to rape and drugs. I still feel sick over it. It wasn't fair.
I don't think I'm a bad person. I know I've done some things that have pissed off or worried those close to me, but as a whole, I never meant to harm anyone. I miss the complexity of my life back in highschool. I don't like waking up not rememebering what I did the night before. I don't like worrying my friends and family. I don't like getting drunk and telling my friends things they don't deserve. I do, however, like things to be simple. And perhaps that's my percieved mindset while drunk. But instead of using alcohol as an escape, I need to just face my insecurities. I think I have proof now that less bad will come of it. Drinking has had more consequences than I realized.
It's going to be hard to stay home while all my friends have parties and other events centered around drinking. No more beer pong, flip cup, soirees, parties, case races, beachweek, chugging challenges, bar nights, champagne breakfast, the list goes on. At least for awhile. Until I get everything in check. I can't even drink on my 21st birthday in 2 weeks.
But that's really the last thing I care about now. I'm worried about my education and career for once. I know my philosophy was "just get by" for the longest time, but now I'm worried if that's going to hold up. If I get convicted with this stupid felony and go to jail for 6 months, my life is effectively ruined. All the sacrifices my family have made will be wasted. The years I've spent in school, wasted. The summers spent at NASA, wasted. In all likelyhood I'll get out of this and get on with everything, but there's always that dangling possibility that my life is ruined. And it scares the hell out of me.
Alright, enough about this, isn't my picture great?
Long story summed into a sentence: I'm charged with a felony at Foxfield and could have my life ruined. Yeah, that's heavy.
Details: I was drinking with my friends like the other 3000 underage persons there, drank too much, passed out, woke up and decided to stumble over to Brian and fall on him, at which point a 'rent-a-cop' walked over behind me and began to arrest me. Of course, being intoxicated, I had no idea what was going on and naturally struggled. Then I was in shock for the next several hours. Here's a list of my charges from that incident: appearing intoxicated in public, assault (on my friend whose name was not taken), assault on an officer (not really an officer), resisting arrest (ridiculous), and obstruction of justice ("proof that the book was thrown at me").
Apparently at some point in the process I cried "I want to kill myself" as an idle drunk ramble. This landed me in the suicide watch program, which mainly consisted of stripping me of all my rights, treating me like a convict, and probably having a good laugh about me around the corner. I tried unsuccessfully to sleep on a tile floor without any sheets or anything next to a hole which was supposed to function as my bathroom as a camera kept 24 hour watch on me. Thanks prison, but I'm pretty sure if I actually wanted to kill myself, I would have weasled into general population and mouthed off. I didn't get food for a good 24 hours. I wasn't allowed to brush my teeth, take a shower, have anything in my cell besides the most uncomfortable smok type garment ever, even make a phone call, and so on. The other inmates conversation pieces were limited to rape and drugs. I still feel sick over it. It wasn't fair.
I don't think I'm a bad person. I know I've done some things that have pissed off or worried those close to me, but as a whole, I never meant to harm anyone. I miss the complexity of my life back in highschool. I don't like waking up not rememebering what I did the night before. I don't like worrying my friends and family. I don't like getting drunk and telling my friends things they don't deserve. I do, however, like things to be simple. And perhaps that's my percieved mindset while drunk. But instead of using alcohol as an escape, I need to just face my insecurities. I think I have proof now that less bad will come of it. Drinking has had more consequences than I realized.
It's going to be hard to stay home while all my friends have parties and other events centered around drinking. No more beer pong, flip cup, soirees, parties, case races, beachweek, chugging challenges, bar nights, champagne breakfast, the list goes on. At least for awhile. Until I get everything in check. I can't even drink on my 21st birthday in 2 weeks.
But that's really the last thing I care about now. I'm worried about my education and career for once. I know my philosophy was "just get by" for the longest time, but now I'm worried if that's going to hold up. If I get convicted with this stupid felony and go to jail for 6 months, my life is effectively ruined. All the sacrifices my family have made will be wasted. The years I've spent in school, wasted. The summers spent at NASA, wasted. In all likelyhood I'll get out of this and get on with everything, but there's always that dangling possibility that my life is ruined. And it scares the hell out of me.
Alright, enough about this, isn't my picture great?