wHo gOeS FiRsT?
Josh was in the hospital for a collapsed lung, i fucking cried hella and i thought i would lose him. i went and saw him and couldnt stand it. they were goin to opperate but said if they did then the next time it happend then it would be worse to inflate. i was ready to throw up. Hes my Joshy, i dont want to... cant fucking afford to lose him.
he was in the hospital for a couple a days, Kirstyn at his side... he was such a prick though, without nicotine and shit. he has to quit, patches. and i cried more... my mom called my lover yesterday on her cell and said it was an ER... and i flipped.
turns out he has white spots on his lungs that they knew about in the first place but didnt want to freak my mom out about... and if they have what they think then its a possibility he could just drop dead in 4 years... HES FUCKING 18 YEARS OLD!!! im pissed, depressed... and they ... they are mind fucking my mom and shes crying and all stressed out... good God... please dont take my Joshy. fucking lung disease...
doctors are counterdicting themselves. went to the doctor with my love today, fucking tard said its not P.I.D. but could be and not an STD or the ones they checked, which is good, but now theyre saying she could have endometriosis... im all stressed to hell and afraid im goin to lose everyone i love at the same time... my Joshy, my granna... my lover... OY!
it feels like Nick is so far away and i just want to give up and ... i dont know. i feel depressed and it all seems so far away and i want to be there now, i want to be happy now. too much drama here, too much stress and downers and fucking.... living with my aunt is hell on its own... granted im grateful to have a roof over my head i just... damn... i wish i could just sell an ovary or two and get it over with. i wish i was there with him and the comfort of him, he always makes everything okay, and with all thats going on i need something to be okay. I love him so much, cant wait to see his beautiful face again and know that my life is going somewhere... Im working on it, man I love him
he was in the hospital for a couple a days, Kirstyn at his side... he was such a prick though, without nicotine and shit. he has to quit, patches. and i cried more... my mom called my lover yesterday on her cell and said it was an ER... and i flipped.
turns out he has white spots on his lungs that they knew about in the first place but didnt want to freak my mom out about... and if they have what they think then its a possibility he could just drop dead in 4 years... HES FUCKING 18 YEARS OLD!!! im pissed, depressed... and they ... they are mind fucking my mom and shes crying and all stressed out... good God... please dont take my Joshy. fucking lung disease...
doctors are counterdicting themselves. went to the doctor with my love today, fucking tard said its not P.I.D. but could be and not an STD or the ones they checked, which is good, but now theyre saying she could have endometriosis... im all stressed to hell and afraid im goin to lose everyone i love at the same time... my Joshy, my granna... my lover... OY!
it feels like Nick is so far away and i just want to give up and ... i dont know. i feel depressed and it all seems so far away and i want to be there now, i want to be happy now. too much drama here, too much stress and downers and fucking.... living with my aunt is hell on its own... granted im grateful to have a roof over my head i just... damn... i wish i could just sell an ovary or two and get it over with. i wish i was there with him and the comfort of him, he always makes everything okay, and with all thats going on i need something to be okay. I love him so much, cant wait to see his beautiful face again and know that my life is going somewhere... Im working on it, man I love him