scoobies I feel like I'm going to vomit
Last night that idiotic Slayer caused my amulet to smash! My amulet! I lost my powers! This is... I'm human!! It turned me human, it turned me into a human in a fairly attractive teenage body which is growing and developing and which I refuse to deal with! I have to get my powers back... and when I do, I'll put a hit out on that Slayer... the one with too much makeup and tight pants. And since when are there two anyways? Is it just another part of the universe's plan to make my life hell?!
I was tossing and turning all night... I couldn't even sleep. Of course I immediately went to D'Hoffryn, and asked him to reverse time, to make me demon again, anything! I simply cannot remain as a human! This form, while sexy, is weak and... there are so many things that could happen. I could get pimples! I make fun of all of these teenagers at the high schools with their zitty faces, and to become one of them is just pure torture. And if I'm not performing it on a male who deserves it, then torture's just not quite as fun. Also... sickness! Sore throats, and stomachaches, and I'm already feeling nauseous from the stress. And sudden death. I could drown, get axe-murdered (I mean, who doesn't love a good axe murder these days?), get HIV, oh my god! I could get sick, have a doctor give me the wrong medication and die from it! I just saw that on the mortals' news channel! Humans are idiots.. and I'm not safe as one of them.
Anyways, when I arrived in Arashmaharr, D'Hoffryn rejected me. Me! He rejected me!! The best vengeance demon of all time... I've killed and tortured and castrated thousands upon thousands of unfaithful men, all for this? So that I can become some mutt teen who flunks math? I don't think so.
I asked him again today, and again he said no! There's got to be something I can do... being mortal... I just won't allow it. I had been begging D'Hoffryn all day, and finally he cast me out! He sent me out of Arashmaharr! And then I realized it was almost noon, and that I was late for school... and then I became more nauseous, and when I arrived in that forsaken place, I was 40 minutes late for class. ...Class is 45 minutes. And a class where I was supposed to give a presentation on something with Harmony, who of course was nowhere to be found. Stupid girl, she probably is at a spa with her stupid human mother getting a stupid human pedicure and I refuse to be like them! I was rushing through the halls, trying to get there on time when who do I see lurking?
Peroxide boy. Standing in the shadows. What the hell is he doing here? More importantly - it hit me. If I can't become a vengeance demon again... there's got to be something I can do to get my demonness back. And the safety... and no zits. And it's so much simpler! Vamping! I can just get turned into a vampire! And he'll be the one to do it. He owes me, after all. I mean, he's a man and I granted him a pretty hefty wish. One that's probably reversed by now, thanks to that Slayer... ugh. Nausea again. I went over to him, trying to regain my cool.
"You owe me," I told him. He looked a little surprised to see me there, but whatever. That doesn't matter. He owes me, and I'm getting my dues. I was about to say exactly what he owed me, when the bell rang. Crap! I missed yet another class! ... And now math! And I'm failing that... and I think there's a test today...
I'm going to get vamped, so why do I care again?
Weird feelings of obligation that stupid mortals have. Ech, this must end!
"I'll see you later, male."
I hurried off to go fail yet another test. I'm just failing everything lately aren't I?
And it's everyone else's fault but mine.
I was tossing and turning all night... I couldn't even sleep. Of course I immediately went to D'Hoffryn, and asked him to reverse time, to make me demon again, anything! I simply cannot remain as a human! This form, while sexy, is weak and... there are so many things that could happen. I could get pimples! I make fun of all of these teenagers at the high schools with their zitty faces, and to become one of them is just pure torture. And if I'm not performing it on a male who deserves it, then torture's just not quite as fun. Also... sickness! Sore throats, and stomachaches, and I'm already feeling nauseous from the stress. And sudden death. I could drown, get axe-murdered (I mean, who doesn't love a good axe murder these days?), get HIV, oh my god! I could get sick, have a doctor give me the wrong medication and die from it! I just saw that on the mortals' news channel! Humans are idiots.. and I'm not safe as one of them.
Anyways, when I arrived in Arashmaharr, D'Hoffryn rejected me. Me! He rejected me!! The best vengeance demon of all time... I've killed and tortured and castrated thousands upon thousands of unfaithful men, all for this? So that I can become some mutt teen who flunks math? I don't think so.
I asked him again today, and again he said no! There's got to be something I can do... being mortal... I just won't allow it. I had been begging D'Hoffryn all day, and finally he cast me out! He sent me out of Arashmaharr! And then I realized it was almost noon, and that I was late for school... and then I became more nauseous, and when I arrived in that forsaken place, I was 40 minutes late for class. ...Class is 45 minutes. And a class where I was supposed to give a presentation on something with Harmony, who of course was nowhere to be found. Stupid girl, she probably is at a spa with her stupid human mother getting a stupid human pedicure and I refuse to be like them! I was rushing through the halls, trying to get there on time when who do I see lurking?
Peroxide boy. Standing in the shadows. What the hell is he doing here? More importantly - it hit me. If I can't become a vengeance demon again... there's got to be something I can do to get my demonness back. And the safety... and no zits. And it's so much simpler! Vamping! I can just get turned into a vampire! And he'll be the one to do it. He owes me, after all. I mean, he's a man and I granted him a pretty hefty wish. One that's probably reversed by now, thanks to that Slayer... ugh. Nausea again. I went over to him, trying to regain my cool.
"You owe me," I told him. He looked a little surprised to see me there, but whatever. That doesn't matter. He owes me, and I'm getting my dues. I was about to say exactly what he owed me, when the bell rang. Crap! I missed yet another class! ... And now math! And I'm failing that... and I think there's a test today...
I'm going to get vamped, so why do I care again?
Weird feelings of obligation that stupid mortals have. Ech, this must end!
"I'll see you later, male."
I hurried off to go fail yet another test. I'm just failing everything lately aren't I?
And it's everyone else's fault but mine.