(no subject)
I have to make myself learn that not everyone comes through. There isn't a best in people. I may keep digging and trying to find it, but it may not even exist in certain individuals. Im done giving out chances that eventually lead to disappointment.
I can't believe he weasled his way back in, making me forget about the tears he inflicted on me only two nights earlier. I allowed it to happen. He had the nerve to show up here, I knew he would. But as I said, I allowed it. I can't put my foot down to him even though it seems I can to everyone else and every situation I stand strongly towards. And then when he's here its just us being us. Movie talk and music talk and eventually us making fun of eachother. It seemed like I spent 90% of the night with him. But why do I put myself through this? Then not even 10 minutes after he leaves I get a call from a number that isn't saved in my phonebook. Of course it was him, and of course I answered after I felt so empowered deleting those digits thursday evening. "Come over, I want to redeem myself." I didn't give in. And I don't want to be second best, and by giving in, that is all I would be. Momma didn't raise no f00l.
Then maybe a half hour later I get called by the one I always write off. The boy that was here all night that actually came with the idiot I decided to spend 90% of the evening with. The one that wiped my tears the other night and always seems to be there when I need somebody. No one seems to see this but me, but at this point im sad to say that hardly anyone else matters anymore.
I don't know where this leads me, but im looking through a set of differet eyes. Im looking towards the future, and I don't even want to live the life I would if he gave in to me.
I can't believe he weasled his way back in, making me forget about the tears he inflicted on me only two nights earlier. I allowed it to happen. He had the nerve to show up here, I knew he would. But as I said, I allowed it. I can't put my foot down to him even though it seems I can to everyone else and every situation I stand strongly towards. And then when he's here its just us being us. Movie talk and music talk and eventually us making fun of eachother. It seemed like I spent 90% of the night with him. But why do I put myself through this? Then not even 10 minutes after he leaves I get a call from a number that isn't saved in my phonebook. Of course it was him, and of course I answered after I felt so empowered deleting those digits thursday evening. "Come over, I want to redeem myself." I didn't give in. And I don't want to be second best, and by giving in, that is all I would be. Momma didn't raise no f00l.
Then maybe a half hour later I get called by the one I always write off. The boy that was here all night that actually came with the idiot I decided to spend 90% of the evening with. The one that wiped my tears the other night and always seems to be there when I need somebody. No one seems to see this but me, but at this point im sad to say that hardly anyone else matters anymore.
I don't know where this leads me, but im looking through a set of differet eyes. Im looking towards the future, and I don't even want to live the life I would if he gave in to me.