"But there's still tomarrow, forget the sorrow"
"you dont know me, but i know you.
and you are so much better than the life you are living.
dont waste your money and life on doing that crap.
you are such a beautiful person."
So much better than the life I am living?
I have people who I am close to. People who love me for who I am. People who really really really fucking appreciate me. People who include me. People who never lie to me. People who turn to me because they beleive that I am the right person to talk to at all times. I am closer to my family then I've ever been. I never sneak out of the house anymore. NEVER. I never will lie to anyone anymore. EVER. For the first time in life, I respect myself and I truly love myself. And for the first time in a while, I truly feel excepted and appreciated.
Rewind to a year ago.
I was drinking at least 4 times a week. I was sneaking out every night. I was purposely hurting myself on a weekly basis. I skipped at least a class a day. I think I had 75 percent attendence? The last week I was at FV I missed pretty much 3 days in a row. Why? To go get drunk. But it was pretty much to go get away from my fucking life. I was fucking afraid of everything. I was afraid to go to school. I would shake when I got to the gates. I had horrible anxiety because I fucking HATED myself. The people I relied on hated me. I threw tantrums, I was yelling at everyone. Everything I did was a lie, I lied to everyone. Even the person who loved me more than anything in the world. NO ONE fucking respected me. Very few even tried to lend a hand. Everyone fucking just gave up on me. I lived every day wishing I was fucking DEAD. There are feelings that were there and things I did that I won't even fucking write about.
okay whoever you are. I know that you were just trying to be nice. I know you had good intentions. I am not bashing you at all. It means something to me that you said I was a beautiful person. But if you for a second think you know anything about my life you are wrong. I'm guessing that you are a bystander to my life, and most likely weren't around last year. But I could be wrong. I don't drink anymore. Hardly at all. Yea I do extacy. I did it about monthly. And then I did it the past two weeks. Weekly is excessive I agree with you on that one. It's not a habit I should be forming.
I didn't deserve that FUCKING life I had a year ago. I was SO MUCH FUCKING better than that. But did anyone care? No I was just being "dramatic". Dramatic is making a big deal over nothing. But do you think what was going on back then was something small in my life? Nope. Did anyone step in and tell me I deserved more? No.
I don't know why but you're comment upset me so much. So fucking much. I haven't cried in a long time, and it just brought immediate tears. I don't know why, because I shouldn't care. But I guess it's just because I've come from such a dark, horrid, disgusting place and lifestyle. And just because I dropped a few pills you are telling me what I'm doing is crap.
Lying to people is SHIT. Cheating on people is SHIT. hurting yourself on purpose is SHIT. drinking like a fucking alcoholic is SHIT. wanting to be dead is SHIT. hurting others is SHIT. not being trusted is SHIT. feeling and KNOWING that pretty much no one gives a fuck is SHIT SHIT SHIT. making your mom cry is SHIT. not being able to trust any fucking person around you is SHIT. being the outsider is SHIT.
dropping is crap.
you do the math. I'm much better off.
and you are so much better than the life you are living.
dont waste your money and life on doing that crap.
you are such a beautiful person."
So much better than the life I am living?
I have people who I am close to. People who love me for who I am. People who really really really fucking appreciate me. People who include me. People who never lie to me. People who turn to me because they beleive that I am the right person to talk to at all times. I am closer to my family then I've ever been. I never sneak out of the house anymore. NEVER. I never will lie to anyone anymore. EVER. For the first time in life, I respect myself and I truly love myself. And for the first time in a while, I truly feel excepted and appreciated.
Rewind to a year ago.
I was drinking at least 4 times a week. I was sneaking out every night. I was purposely hurting myself on a weekly basis. I skipped at least a class a day. I think I had 75 percent attendence? The last week I was at FV I missed pretty much 3 days in a row. Why? To go get drunk. But it was pretty much to go get away from my fucking life. I was fucking afraid of everything. I was afraid to go to school. I would shake when I got to the gates. I had horrible anxiety because I fucking HATED myself. The people I relied on hated me. I threw tantrums, I was yelling at everyone. Everything I did was a lie, I lied to everyone. Even the person who loved me more than anything in the world. NO ONE fucking respected me. Very few even tried to lend a hand. Everyone fucking just gave up on me. I lived every day wishing I was fucking DEAD. There are feelings that were there and things I did that I won't even fucking write about.
okay whoever you are. I know that you were just trying to be nice. I know you had good intentions. I am not bashing you at all. It means something to me that you said I was a beautiful person. But if you for a second think you know anything about my life you are wrong. I'm guessing that you are a bystander to my life, and most likely weren't around last year. But I could be wrong. I don't drink anymore. Hardly at all. Yea I do extacy. I did it about monthly. And then I did it the past two weeks. Weekly is excessive I agree with you on that one. It's not a habit I should be forming.
I didn't deserve that FUCKING life I had a year ago. I was SO MUCH FUCKING better than that. But did anyone care? No I was just being "dramatic". Dramatic is making a big deal over nothing. But do you think what was going on back then was something small in my life? Nope. Did anyone step in and tell me I deserved more? No.
I don't know why but you're comment upset me so much. So fucking much. I haven't cried in a long time, and it just brought immediate tears. I don't know why, because I shouldn't care. But I guess it's just because I've come from such a dark, horrid, disgusting place and lifestyle. And just because I dropped a few pills you are telling me what I'm doing is crap.
Lying to people is SHIT. Cheating on people is SHIT. hurting yourself on purpose is SHIT. drinking like a fucking alcoholic is SHIT. wanting to be dead is SHIT. hurting others is SHIT. not being trusted is SHIT. feeling and KNOWING that pretty much no one gives a fuck is SHIT SHIT SHIT. making your mom cry is SHIT. not being able to trust any fucking person around you is SHIT. being the outsider is SHIT.
dropping is crap.
you do the math. I'm much better off.