But i'm not sleeping and you're not here
Hey I haven't updated in forever. I made the big big mistake of looking through my entire livejournal and bringing up all my past hurt. I blame all my pain on my bipolarness. It's not all that. I've been through so much shit. So many people have treated me bad, it's not all my fault. I've been so hurt by someone so close to me. Yea I hurt someone who didn't deserve it that was so close to me. Maybe it's bad karma. Most of the time my BEST FRIENDS won't even lend a hand. They are very very very understanding, don't get me wrong. I appreciate that when I blow up, or freak out, that they don't always blame me personally. They realize that I can't always help it, and that is so wonderful. But sometimes I just want them to listen. I want to talk to them and not get an I g2g or hey it's late I'll see you later. I'm reaching out. How can you ignore that? People are such shit sometimes. I just love how some assholes just decide they know exactly what happened. When they have no idea. NO FUCKING IDEA. I've come so far, and now you want to make my life more difficult. Why? What wrong have I done you? None. I know I'm not the only person to have experienced any pain. And actually I'm pretty happy right now. I just made the mistake of going back in the past and trying to relive it. I'm just a dumb dumb girl. I'm finally moving forward, getting over it, and then I pull myself right back at the starting line. Thinking about what cannot be changed.
I really really like Devin, he's a neat guy. He's always there to listen and offer help. Thanks a lot, you make a difference.
People are fucked up. They do things not realizing what it does to your life. I've done some pretty fucked up shit, I'm not trying to steer you away from that. But we all make mistakes, we all do people wrong, and we just have to move on. We can't make anyone forgive us, or get past it, it's all up to them. So ending this on a good note, I'm moving on. I'm leaving you be. The rest of the healing process is up to you. <333
"Can't you see that i wanna be there with open arms
It's empty tonight and i'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice i'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away? "