damn
can't sleep, clown will eat me...
can't sleep, clown will eat me...
it seems like my brain doesn't want to shut down now a days. I lay awake listening to my mopey music, in hopes that the sweet songs lull me into sleep, but never does it occur like that. It's not until 2 that i seem to get there, only to wake up at 7 to pee and stay awake. I was happy for a bit there too! Sleeping on time and all that. Then my brain went into overdrive. It's not for any reason or whatnot. Just me being me i suppose. Keep thinking about the days when the house would fill up with people ready to sing to their hearts content all the while drinking and having fun. I feel more changes coming with this baby. I don't want change to engulf me like flames, but to wrap its self around me and ease me into its loving arms. I don't deal well with sudden changes. Its like it sets my brain off. I end up throwing a tantrum because I can't see the forest beyond the trees. At that point, all i can focus is on that current change. Call me bull headed if you will. I know i call myself worse names. I just want sleep to come back again. To caress me, and love me again. I want the bad dreams to go away. It sucks when all you do is feel panic, from the moment your eyes close to the minute they open. Panic...my heart hasn't slowed its beating just yet. Homeostasis is not at a normal....it's still up in the air, so i sit here...anxiety stricken waiting for one way or another, homeostasis to return. That emptyness i used to speak about is nowhere near, but i feel it lurking. I must have called to it earlier because yes it's there, but for now I am as happy as I can be and it will not even dare come near me in such a state. It knows it would lose, so it bides its time. ...yes. biding its time is what it is doing.
can't sleep, clown will eat me...
it seems like my brain doesn't want to shut down now a days. I lay awake listening to my mopey music, in hopes that the sweet songs lull me into sleep, but never does it occur like that. It's not until 2 that i seem to get there, only to wake up at 7 to pee and stay awake. I was happy for a bit there too! Sleeping on time and all that. Then my brain went into overdrive. It's not for any reason or whatnot. Just me being me i suppose. Keep thinking about the days when the house would fill up with people ready to sing to their hearts content all the while drinking and having fun. I feel more changes coming with this baby. I don't want change to engulf me like flames, but to wrap its self around me and ease me into its loving arms. I don't deal well with sudden changes. Its like it sets my brain off. I end up throwing a tantrum because I can't see the forest beyond the trees. At that point, all i can focus is on that current change. Call me bull headed if you will. I know i call myself worse names. I just want sleep to come back again. To caress me, and love me again. I want the bad dreams to go away. It sucks when all you do is feel panic, from the moment your eyes close to the minute they open. Panic...my heart hasn't slowed its beating just yet. Homeostasis is not at a normal....it's still up in the air, so i sit here...anxiety stricken waiting for one way or another, homeostasis to return. That emptyness i used to speak about is nowhere near, but i feel it lurking. I must have called to it earlier because yes it's there, but for now I am as happy as I can be and it will not even dare come near me in such a state. It knows it would lose, so it bides its time. ...yes. biding its time is what it is doing.