Thank God for Empty Classrooms and Glen Campbell Chapter Nine

[yassharrar]

July 11th 2016

I made my way home at about 5am after storming out of the house the day before because of the latest lot of hate mail I had received, they were coming more frequent since I had come out at a press conference back in June. I had spent most of the afternoon and evening drinking hard, after several hours of trying to forget, I found myself unable to fend of sleep any more, so I made my way home. Inside the house was dark except for a single light in the hallway from the bedroom, as I walked down the hallway and into my bedroom I was surprised to find that the bed was empty, The thought that I would be sleeping alone depressed me even further, but I knew I deserved it after all I had said and thought about Jared.

“ Jensen.”

I turned at the sound of my name to find Jared standing in the doorway, hands folded across his chest, I couldn't see his face as it was partially covered by the moonlight shining through the window but I was able to make out his expression, it wasn't one that I was fond of seeing. His brows were furrowed and the light in his usually bright hazel eyes was gone, and for the first time in weeks I felt a momentary twinge of guolt at the thought that I had done this to him.

“ Drinking yourself into a coma isn't going to solve anything Jen.” He stated.

“ I know.”

“ And behaving as if the whole world is against you won't either.”

“ I know.”

“ And threatening me the way you have been for the last two weeks will not change things or make them return to the way they were, blaming me for everything won't make things OK again.”

“ I know dammit.” I finally shouted, unable to keep my temper under control.

“ Then if you know all of that, why are you acting like... like this... like I am not here... like I don't fucking exist for you?” His voice was low but that did little to conceal the anger that came through.

“ I don't know OK, so just get off my fucking back about it.” But the truth of the matter was I did know, it was crystal clear to me why I was acting like this but there was no way in hell I could tell Jared that I blamed him for everything that had gone wrong in my life, it came down to the fact that if it was not for him my life would be empty but still intact, I would have still been the Jensen that everyone looked up to, the Jensen the didn't fuck around with men, and most importantly the Jensen that didn't allow himself to fall in love with another man and quit music altogether, and for that I nor only hated myself but him as well.

“ You never know, I don't even know why I bother putting up with this Jen, I just don't know why. Because the headaches seem to outweigh the rewards that I could possibly benefit from,” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “ The thing is it is not only you that has to deal with this shit when it happens, my stuff has been vandalized and my personal life has been plastered all over the papers as well, so for once I wish you would stop being so fucking selfish and consider someone else's feelings other than your own.” Jared said breaking me out of my thoughts.

“ I love you so much Jensen, don't push me away now, not when we have come so close to happiness, I know it's hard right now bit it will pass and someday.... someday we will look back on this and laugh about it, but right now... you just have to roll with the punches.”

A sarcastic laugh escaped my throat and I shook his hand off my shoulder. “ Yeah, sure we'll laugh about it, wake up and smell the fucking shit Jared, this is my god damn life we are talking about. But you know what, I wouldn't expect you to understand....”

He stopped me mid sentence as he came to stand before me and spoke. “ What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“ You live your whole fucking life in a vacuum and are so god damn naïve about what's going on around you. And that annoys the shit out of me.” And that was all it took for me to let everything out.

“ And you think that you are going through what I go through, that what you deal with can even compare to the shit I have had heaped on me in the last few weeks.... you actually think that there is a comparison, well fuck you Jared because there isn't and this is all on you anyway.”

At that moment it didn't matter to me that he was standing in front of me in tears as he responded to my words.

“ I never imagined in a million years that you would turn into such an asshole... after everything we have been through and all that we have sacrificed to make this work... how could you...” His words trailed off as his body shook with the great big sobs he was letting out.

The urge to reach out and hold him was strong but I didn't, I couldn't. Instead I blocked his image from my mind and made my way out of the bedroom, only stopping to grab my keys and never once looking back at the mess I had created.



“ How are you holding up?” Steve asked as I stood before him three hours later.

“ How do you think I am doing, I have the press on my ass all the time and lets not forget those bastards upstairs that are trying to push me out, does that answer your question?”

“ OK just calm down Jen, I know this has been hard on you, it has to have been hard on you and Jared....”

“ It isn't fucking about him.” I said abruptly, in a harsh tone that even surprised me.

“ It involves both of you, whether you want to admit it or not, we made the decision to involve him in this...”

I stopped him before he could continue and spoke. “ No... you made the decision to involve him, I was against getting him involved in this mess but you... you insisted... so don't try laying that blame on me. You brought him into this mess, so you get to deal with his ass now, I shouldn't have to put up with it. Fuck what Jared is going through.”

“The only reason I am sitting here right now and not beating the fuck out of you is because I have no fucking idea what you are going through. All I know is that you have been through hell and back, and you are being treated unfairly by a lot of people, but despite all that I am not going to sit here and allow you to turn this into some fucking pity party. You are not the only one being affected by this and you need to stop pretending like you are the sole victim of this, because you're not. This is hurting a lot of people, not to the same degree as you, but they are being hurt.”

“ Give me one god damn name Steve, just one.”

“ Jared.” He said without even hesitating.

“ Oh fuck off Steve, don't start with this again, I told you he has nothing to do with this.”

“ He has everything to do with this, have you seen the mail room lately Jensen. Jared receives as much hate mail as you do, you want to know what some of them say huh, here I will read you one.” He said through gritted teeth as he pulled open one of his draws and pulled out a stack of envelopes and opened one.

“ This one is from a friendly fan of yours from Alabama, I wish you would come down here to bama and try to turn one of us into a queer, we would strap you to a tree and make a real man out of you, I hear you live in Austin, maybe we should come pay you a visit one night and see how you like being fucked by a bunch of real men. Do you want me to continue Jensen, because it goes on and on about the creative ways in which they could mess Jared up for what he supposedly done to you.”

And despite everything, I found myself reading a few of the unopened letters addressed to Jared.

“ Do you still think this is all about you Jensen, cause it isn't, it never was all about you. Do you have any fucking idea how much heat I have been taking because I came out in support of you, do you know how it fucking feels to see you being so ungrateful, especially to Jared.”

I was left speechless at his words and despite my efforts to dismiss it, I just couldn't. Not after reading the letters and hearing a dose of truth from Steve.

“ Oh god, what have I done.” I asked myself, my head falling into my hands.

“ You have fucked up but so do we all, do you think you are ready to stand up and act like a man?” He asked as his eyes bore into mine.

“ Yes.” I whispered, feeling slightly embarrassed at being called out on my behaviour.

“ Good, now get the fuck out of here and go and do what you have to do.”

As I went to walk out of his door, he stopped me with four simple words. “ I'm here for you.”

I didn't respond but I am sure he could tell by the look on my face that I was grateful.



I was not all that surprised to walk in to find Jared's suitcases packed and waiting to be moved out, but I was surprised to find that he actually thought enough of me after everything that I had put him through to wait around and let me know in person what he was doing.

“ Your leaving?” I asked.

“ Yeah.” He responded, his voice low and hushed as if he were afraid to speak any louder.

“ Jay, I... I don't want you to go, please... just stay.” I begged.

“ No, I have had enough, I am not strong enough to deal with this, and besides you have made it pretty clear that this is not about me and you are right, it is not about me it is about you and it is obvious I can not give you what you need right now, maybe I never could. So I am just going to leave you alone, since I am the problem, I will remove myself from the equation.”

He tried to pass me but I held onto his hand.

“ Let me go Jensen, I'm tired, too tired to do this with you any more, you were right... OK... this... all of this is my fault.” And with that he broke down right beside me.

“ No it's not Jay, and I should have never made you feel like I did, this is not your fault, it's not anyone's fault but my own, I allowed them to fuck with my head and I only have myself to blame. I don't want you to go Jared, I need you.”

“ I can't Jensen.... I... I can't do this any more, I love you but I can't deal with this, I can't deal with you blaming me for everything.... I can't do it....”

“ Your right, you shouldn't have to deal with it, I promise I will sort this out Jay, you are the most important thing in my life and I can't lose you over this.”

I could see his resolve weakening so I jumped in for the kill.

“ I'm so sorry, so sorry for not realizing.”

“ Realizing what?” He asked, looking at me for the first time, his eyes red from crying.

“ How much you have been hurt by this, by all the letters, the phone calls and everything else, I didn't know Jay and I should have been there to protect you.”

“ Oh Jen...” He started.

“ No, let me finish.” I cut in, taking a deep breath before continuing. “ I have been such a selfish asshole and I've let all of this shit get to me, to us, and for that I am sorry, I never meant to hurt you and I promise I won't...”

“ Don't Jensen, don't make a promise you know you can't keep, don't say what you think I want to hear just to stop me from leaving.” He cut in.

“ I'm not, I love you and I'm sorry. I would do anything to take it all back, don't you believe me?” I needed him to say yes so badly.

“ I don't know, I need time.”

“ Where?” I asked, hopeful that he would stay.

“ Away from you, I love you Jen but I can't do this any more, I just.. Ijust need time to think and make up my mind.”

“ About?”

“ Us.”

“ What about us?”

“ If we honestly belong together.”

“ Don't say that.”

“ I need to say it Jensen, I need to say a lot of things but now is not the time. I just need some time away, please... please give me that.”

“ How much time?”

“ I don't know.”

“ Where will you go?”

“ Too Jeff's.”

“ Can I come and see you?”

“ Not for a while Jen, I need to be by myself till I can figure out where I want us to go from here. I need to figure out a lot of things and I can't make a decision if I see you all the time.”

I sighed, as I could tell by the look on his face that he was serious and there was no talking him out of it, there was nothing left to do but let him go.

“ I can't change your mind can I?” I asked.

He shook his head and looked down, trying to avoid my eyes.

“ This doesn't change how I feel about you Jen, I want you to know, I have loved you for too long to ever change my mind, I just need to sort out a few things, please try to understand that.”

And despite my best effort to try to understand I couldn't, but I would not let him know that. If this was what he needed, this was what I would give him, I owed him that much.

“ Fine take your time, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.”

“ I didn't expect you to.”

“ Good.”

He picked up his suitcases and began walking to the door, and even though I wanted to say something else, words simply evaded me. All I had left was my actions, so I grabbed his arm, spun him around and before he could protest, I pulled him towards me into a passionate kiss.

“ I fucking love you so much Jared, please remember that no matter what you decide.” I whispered, holding him close as if he were my lifeline.

He didn't answer me but I could feel his shoulders shake with each passing moment. I finally let him go and took a step back, putting some distance between us, just enough to let him walk out the door.

“ Jen.... I...” He started but stopped as I held up my hand.

“ Just go Jay, please just go before I change my mind.”

He seemed to understand as he grabbed his suitcases and walked out the door without a backwards glance my way. And as he disappeared from sight, I slammed the door trying my hardest to keep my composure, but I couldn't. I collapsed against the wall, sliding to my knees as tears began to make their way down my face, I had never cried so hard in my life, and all I could think was that I had bought this on myself.






August 28th 2016

I was on my way to Steve's office when my mobile rang. “ Hello.” I answered not bothering to check the caller ID, something that I had done religiously since Jensen came out.

“ It's me.” Those two words sent a chill racing up and down my spine.

“ Jen?”

“ Yeah... I'm sorry for calling, I know you said you needed your space, it's just that...”

“ No it's no problem, I didn't mean that you couldn't call me, I just needed a break, sometime away and it has been way over a month already. I was... I was beginning to think that you had gotten fed up and just decided to throw in the towel.” The words were painful for me to say and I had to force myself to hold back a sob.

“ No baby boy, I would never do that, not after everything we have been through, I just miss you so fucking much.”

It was a relief to hear him say that and the passion in his voice only helped to convince me that he was telling the truth.

“ Jen, I believe you and I am sorry for just leaving. I thought that time away would be the best thing for us...”

“ It was Jay, you know since you have been gone I have realized how much you mean to me, what you mean to me, what I would do to keep you safe and protected. The time we spent apart made me see how precious you are to me and how grateful I am that you love me the way that you do. And I love you Jared with all my heart and soul.”

I could feel my face burning with his words and I found that I was half hard, images of the last night we had together played in my mind at that very moment, and I found myself unable to make them disappear.

“ Jay, you still there?”

“ I'm still here.”

“ Well did you hear what I said?”

“ No sorry, my mind was somewhere else.”

“ Well, I asked if it was OK if I come to see you tonight. If your not ready to see me, I'm fine with that but I...”

“ God yes Jen, you can come over. As a matter of fact I would love it if you could come over this afternoon, cause I need you bad Jen.” He seemed to get where I was going with this, as he made a comment about hating to have to Jack himself off every time he felt horny.

“ I haven't been with anyone else Jared, it's either you or nothing.”

“ You mean it?” I whispered.

“ As I'm sure that the sky is blue.”

“ In that case, I expect to see you on my doorstep when I get home at two.”

“ You got it baby boy.”

“ Jen.”

“ yeah.”

“ Be prepared to stay the night.”

“ Sure thing.” I could hear the laughter in his voice as he once again told me he loved me before hanging up.






I felt a sense of relief as I hung up, my conversation with Jared had somehow left me feeling as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I knew that things were far from perfect but this was a start, having him agree to see me, asking me to spend the night, telling me he loved me, made me feel invincible and I swore that this time nothing would fuck it up, then all of a sudden my phone rang and thinking it was Jared I didn't bother checking the caller ID before answering it.

“ You think you are so fucking smart don't you Jensen?” There was no mistaking who was on the other end of the line, I had all but forgotten about him since it had been a while since he had tried to extort money from me.

“ You have some god damn nerve calling me Daniel, what the fuck do you want?”

“ What the fuck do I want you stupid cunt, who the fuck do you think you are, pulling a stunt like that!”

I knew what he was referring to but I refused to say anything or even acknowledge him. And the fact that I had refused to acknowledge him infuriated him even more.

“ Answer me!” He shouted.

“ I have not got anything to say to you.” With that I hung up.

If I had been paying attention on where I was going and not with thoughts of Jared, I would have seen Daniel behind a pillar in the parking lot looking fucking terrible and holding a gun. But I didn't see any of that and it came as a shock to see him step out from behind his hiding place.

“ Get the fuck out of here before I call the police Daniel.” I spit out at him.

“ Or what Jensen, what are you going to do if I don't leave?” His taunting got to me but I refused to react.

I took out my phone and started to dial 911 when I heard the first shot which made me drop my phone to the floor so hard that it broke.

“ What the fuck are you doing?” My voice came out shaky when I realized he had the gun pointed straight at me.

“ What the hell is wrong with you Daniel, are you going to shoot me huh, well fucking go ahead, I don't give a fuck, shoot me.” I may have sounded brave but inside I was shaking.

“ Don't tempt me Jensen, don't fucking tempt me.” And then in a creepy serene voice he continued. “ I just want to talk to you Jen, I just want to talk face to face like we used to.”

I nearly told him to fuck off but thought better of it when I noticed his composure, his hand was shaking and I feared that any sudden movement would set him or the gun off.

“ What have you got to say to me Daniel?” I asked.

“ I … I... Jesus Jensen what we had was fucking excellent, why did you have to go and throw that away, why did you let that little fucking faggot turn you like that. If you wanted to fuck a man, you had me, what we had was good Jensen and you had to go and fuck it all up with sentiment, I could have kept you satisfied myself without anyone knowing.”

He paused and sighed before talking again. “ Well what's done is done and we can't change it, so we just have to figure out a way to get Jared out of the way and then everything can be normal again with just you and me and no distractions.”

I didn't answer him as I was to shocked and appalled at his words, I was now convinced more than ever that he was out of his fucking mind.

“ I am fucking talking to you.” He screamed, the gun once again pointed at me, I had no choice but to respond favourably.

“ Yeah OK, your right, we shouldn't have any distractions.”

“ OK then, in that case call him over here.”

“ What?”

“ Call Jared over here, I'll deal with him once and for all, there won't be enough left of him to identify when I am done.” He let out a laugh that chilled my bones as he said it.

“ I am not calling him Daniel.” I stated.

He pulled back the clip of the gun and walked closer to me, only stopping when the gun was mere inches from my face. “ Call him or I will kill you, I will wipe this fucking garage with your brain cells.”

I didn't even have to think about my answer as I spoke. “ I am not calling him.”

“ I am not fucking around with you, I will fucking kill you.”

“ I get it Daniel I really do, but you need to get me, I am not your friend or your lover. I don't want to hear from you or fucking smell you, I can't stand you.” My words hit him hard as his hand went up to wipe at his eyes.

I took this opportunity to run but I did not make it very far, I felt the first bullet hit me and then two more pierced my legs sending me flying face first into the concrete. I heard his footsteps and tried to turn around but was rewarded with a foot in my back which made me cry out in pain.

“ Now what are you going to do Jensen, you should have done what I asked you to do you stupid little cunt. Now you are going to get what you deserve and when I am done with you, I am going to go and deal with that bitch of yours.” Those were the last words I heard before two more bullets entered my back and I slipped into unconsciousness.

Epilogue