The Sims
Lately I’ve been spending my time yelling at my computer screen, not exactly a strange event for me, but usually the words coming out of my mouth aren’t “Then go to bed you stupid sim!” or “I told you to go to the toilet so it serves you right!” or even “Stop trying to get your own son into bed!” That’s right, I’ve been playing The Sims. After a couple of weeks of attempting to make Sims famous, trying to get them to the phone before the burglar leaves and failing to get family members to like each other enough to get them sleeping in the same bed, I have established that playing The Sims is an utter waste of time, however it is a pretty entertaining waste of time. My first game involved a hell of a lot of Prison Break characters, but I then realised that sixteen Sims was a lot to handle, so I cut it all down to a house with T-Bag, Veronica and Bellick. I’m not sure why Veronica was there, but she was. I decided that Veronica and Bellick were going to hate each other and love T-Bag. So all seemed to be going well, Bellick and Veronica were constantly fighting and T-Bag got along with both of them, I even have screenshots of T-Bag and Bellick kissing and hugging (not terribly exciting though). I realised that I wanted to kill Veronica or make her leave, apparently though, Veronica had been learning to cook while I wasn’t looking and she was also (evidently) a superb fire-fighter! So I settled on Bellick attacking her to make her leave. Finally I built up their relationship enough that Bellick would attack, but like the naïve child I am, I didn’t realise that Veronica had also been working out in secret. My fantastic plan for sexy sex between Bellick and T-Bag in an empty house backfired, Bellick was the one to leave. Now that I think about it, I should have just given Veronica a job with long hours to get her out of the house… Eventually Veronica died, she finally set fire to the stove and I decided not to call the fire-brigade. T-Bag was alone which was depressing… Then I accidentally deleted the game.
My next game was with the Reefer Madness characters (Jack, Mae, Ralph, Sally, Jimmy & Mary), this one was a little more humorous (I should say “is a little more humorous” because I still have it). Jack and Mae don’t really know each other. Mary and Jimmy are sort of friends. Mary likes Ralph, which is fine. Ralph and Sally had a baby (unfortunately not a baby boy, and I couldn’t not name her. But what can you do?) which is now an annoying child who keeps talking to Mae and Mary but only sort of knows her mother (Sally) and hates her father (Ralph). Sally is trying to get famous, but needs more famous friends. Jack was a cop (how fitting) until he skipped work for two days and got fired, and Jimmy has been a criminal for quite a while (right now he is a Con-Artist). Mae was a telephone psychic but got promoted to a Tarot card reader. Mary is a secretary or something, I don’t really pay much attention to her and Ralph is a sport mascot or something, he’s been promoted a few times so now I don’t remember what’s going on with him. Zoe’s (Sally and Ralph’s kid) report card is currently at B and that’s the highest it’s ever been. When she skips school I make her study all day and then she gets mad at me. Sally, being famous, only likes to talk about herself and she likes to sing and has recorded a jingle, because I happened to click on a recording thing. It is chaos in that house every morning because Ralph, Mary and Zoe (and Jack before he got fired) all left the house at 8am, so I have to wake them all up at about 4am otherwise they miss their rides, but sometimes I will forget to wake up Mary. Jimmy keeps getting promoted so his hours are always changing, but they’re usually at a strange time when nobody else is doing anything anyway, so he never missed work. Mae also has strange hours, usually late at night, so she never missed work either. Ralph and Sally conceived Zoe in the front yard, where I put a bed when I discovered that no more beds would fit in the house and now they dislike each other. Zoe lives on a second floor veranda because even though they live in a massive house, there doesn’t seem to be room for everyone. All of the Reefer Madness characters seem to enjoy breathing oxygen in their backyard and they giggle a lot when they do, which I thought could be the equivalent of smoking.
Once I got bored of the Reefer Characters I made a few random Sims, but they aren’t as entertaining, so I decided to make some Prison Break characters again. Emma and I decided that we would always make T-Bag, but in the end, I decided to put Michael, Lincoln and LJ in the same house. None of them look anything like themselves, especially LJ who is black for some reason. They are all adults because all children do is whinge, go to school, study or go to military school. Michael gets along with them both and Lincoln and LJ have an unusually good relationship, or should I say, had an unusually good relationship. I decided that it would be a good idea to put a hot-tub in, Lincoln got in the moment I put it in and he did not get out once for over three days (Sim time), he didn’t eat, sleep and go to the toilet all this time. LJ and Michael would take turns talking to him in the hot-tub. Eventually LJ convinced Lincoln to get out of the hot-tub, the moment he got out, he complained about needing to sleep (which I had told him to do (as well as go to the toilet) on the first night) and needing food. Then the next thing I know there’s a textbox telling me that Lincoln has died and his spirit will always be with us and in his place there is a grave-stone. Neither LJ or Michael has been in the hot-tub since (admittedly it’s only been a few Sim hours since it happened and I haven’t been back on for a few human hours) but they regularly mourn for Lincoln, I’m not sure why they would because he was quite boring, but I’m also not sure that they even remember who is ‘buried’ there, they just mourn because there’s a gravestone blocking their path to the hot-tub. It would have been interesting to see how the Lincoln/LJ relationship was going to go, actually, now I think about it, maybe it’s better that he did die, it could have got quite disturbing.