Keep all this forgotten
There's been so much stuff going on in my life, I've actually been too intimidated by the thought of getting it all down in the way I want to to be able to write anything at all. As usual. Story of my life. LITERALLY LOLOLOLZZZ
My Christmas break was about 60% shitty, 40% awesome. No in-betweens. Just constant fucking ups and downs. And a whole lot of debilitating anger.
The last time I tried to write about the funeral, I broke down and had to go cry in my mom's arms and I couldn't finish it. So I'm going to try again.
My flight arrived in Toronto at 6 am on December 19th. It left Victoria at 9 pm on the 18th, and I couldn't sleep despite a Gravol and spent the flight trying to hide my crying from the girl beside me. My dad drove me home and I caught about two hours of sleep before my mom woke me up to get ready for my uncle Tom MacFarlane's funeral. That was the single most difficult time I've ever had dragging myself out of bed. I showered, threw fancy clothes and boots and trudged through the snow to the car. As had been the trend for a couple of weeks prior, I hadn't eaten anything. I grabbed an apricot and drank some water. About an hour into the trip to London, we had to pull over because I was going to vomit. I stood outside in the bitter wind and chugged water and tried to calm my stomach and felt really weird that the whole family was just waiting for me to get my shit together.
The funeral was beautiful. Just as he'd wanted it, apparently. A cellist, pianist and choir. The cello was his favourite instrument; all of his kids learned a classical instrument (Luke on the cello, Ruthie I think viola, and Rebecca still plays the violin). I sobbed as quietly as I could as a colleague of Tom's, then Mike McAlister, and finally Luke got up to speak.
Afterwards, my mom kept attributing my inability to smile or talk to my long flight and lack of sleep. I was able to put a smile on for the reception at Western though, after realising how much harder it obviously was for Ruth, Luke, Rebecca and my aunt Penny, who were all keeping it together. Barely, in Ruth's case. She sipped on scotch that her friend had brought in for her, and held onto her (really amazing) boyfriend Josh. Some more people spoke, including Penny briefly. I said hi to a lot of people that I haven't seen since the wedding. There was one man that looked like Tom there, with white hair and beard and a big belly, and every time I saw him my immediate gut reaction went "hey there's Tom, you haven't said hi to him yet" for a split second before I'd have to try not to cry all over again.
Afterwards we went back to... what used to be Penny and Tom's house. Penny's house. It was just me, my parents and brother, Josh and Sylvia, Penny and the kids and boyfriend-Josh, and Dick and Kathy. Penny was really glad that we came, and thanked my mom several times afterwards. My mom explained that it would have been too much to go from the hundred or so people at the reception to a near-empty house.
That part was actually sort of fun. We looked at Luke's pictures from China, where he filmed a movie for the CBC this summer (while I was in freaking LA, of course). That's him kissing the girl on the forehead in the picture. He had some amazing shots, and some hilarious stories of Peter O'Toole's intense oldness. I got to know boyfriend-Josh a little better. I like him infinitely fucking better than Jeff. Everyone does, and we're all so happy for Ruth. Jeff was a dick.
We drank wine and dug through the various cheeses and weird delicacies that were in the GIGANTIC gift basket Wentworth Miller sent. Yeah, that Wentworth Miller. Prison Break guy. (I haven't seen the show yet but I know quite a few people who are obsessed with it.) Him and Luke were dating until recently. Shh though, Miller's not out of the closet in public, I think that's why they broke up. Anyways, his goat cheese was delicious.
At the end, Penny gave me a big talking parrot called Squawkers McGee or something. She'd bought it for Tom for Christmas because of some in-joke, but of course now she didn't want it around so she gave it to me. I ended up taking it back to Wal-Mart and getting $50 on a Wal-Mart gift card. Maybe that makes me an asshole, but I didn't want it around either. And I couldn't say no to Penny. So now I can buy a shower basket and some new socks. Thanks Tom. I love you.
And that's enough for tonight. Later, the fun begins. In the form of how much I want to break Sean's face.
My Christmas break was about 60% shitty, 40% awesome. No in-betweens. Just constant fucking ups and downs. And a whole lot of debilitating anger.
The last time I tried to write about the funeral, I broke down and had to go cry in my mom's arms and I couldn't finish it. So I'm going to try again.
My flight arrived in Toronto at 6 am on December 19th. It left Victoria at 9 pm on the 18th, and I couldn't sleep despite a Gravol and spent the flight trying to hide my crying from the girl beside me. My dad drove me home and I caught about two hours of sleep before my mom woke me up to get ready for my uncle Tom MacFarlane's funeral. That was the single most difficult time I've ever had dragging myself out of bed. I showered, threw fancy clothes and boots and trudged through the snow to the car. As had been the trend for a couple of weeks prior, I hadn't eaten anything. I grabbed an apricot and drank some water. About an hour into the trip to London, we had to pull over because I was going to vomit. I stood outside in the bitter wind and chugged water and tried to calm my stomach and felt really weird that the whole family was just waiting for me to get my shit together.
The funeral was beautiful. Just as he'd wanted it, apparently. A cellist, pianist and choir. The cello was his favourite instrument; all of his kids learned a classical instrument (Luke on the cello, Ruthie I think viola, and Rebecca still plays the violin). I sobbed as quietly as I could as a colleague of Tom's, then Mike McAlister, and finally Luke got up to speak.
Afterwards, my mom kept attributing my inability to smile or talk to my long flight and lack of sleep. I was able to put a smile on for the reception at Western though, after realising how much harder it obviously was for Ruth, Luke, Rebecca and my aunt Penny, who were all keeping it together. Barely, in Ruth's case. She sipped on scotch that her friend had brought in for her, and held onto her (really amazing) boyfriend Josh. Some more people spoke, including Penny briefly. I said hi to a lot of people that I haven't seen since the wedding. There was one man that looked like Tom there, with white hair and beard and a big belly, and every time I saw him my immediate gut reaction went "hey there's Tom, you haven't said hi to him yet" for a split second before I'd have to try not to cry all over again.
Afterwards we went back to... what used to be Penny and Tom's house. Penny's house. It was just me, my parents and brother, Josh and Sylvia, Penny and the kids and boyfriend-Josh, and Dick and Kathy. Penny was really glad that we came, and thanked my mom several times afterwards. My mom explained that it would have been too much to go from the hundred or so people at the reception to a near-empty house.
That part was actually sort of fun. We looked at Luke's pictures from China, where he filmed a movie for the CBC this summer (while I was in freaking LA, of course). That's him kissing the girl on the forehead in the picture. He had some amazing shots, and some hilarious stories of Peter O'Toole's intense oldness. I got to know boyfriend-Josh a little better. I like him infinitely fucking better than Jeff. Everyone does, and we're all so happy for Ruth. Jeff was a dick.
We drank wine and dug through the various cheeses and weird delicacies that were in the GIGANTIC gift basket Wentworth Miller sent. Yeah, that Wentworth Miller. Prison Break guy. (I haven't seen the show yet but I know quite a few people who are obsessed with it.) Him and Luke were dating until recently. Shh though, Miller's not out of the closet in public, I think that's why they broke up. Anyways, his goat cheese was delicious.
At the end, Penny gave me a big talking parrot called Squawkers McGee or something. She'd bought it for Tom for Christmas because of some in-joke, but of course now she didn't want it around so she gave it to me. I ended up taking it back to Wal-Mart and getting $50 on a Wal-Mart gift card. Maybe that makes me an asshole, but I didn't want it around either. And I couldn't say no to Penny. So now I can buy a shower basket and some new socks. Thanks Tom. I love you.
And that's enough for tonight. Later, the fun begins. In the form of how much I want to break Sean's face.